Grounds for divorce?

[Anonymous]

You say he’s otherwise pretty great, but it is confusing how he could have done something so careless. This was important to you. He could have stopped and asked. I think it deserves a real apology from him.

But unless there are other examples of him acting thoughtlessly to you or things you care about, it’s not grounds for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say he’s otherwise pretty great, but it is confusing how he could have done something so careless. This was important to you. He could have stopped and asked. I think it deserves a real apology from him.

But unless there are other examples of him acting thoughtlessly to you or things you care about, it’s not grounds for divorce.

Even my gardener (who isn’t professionally trained but does garden as a full time job) sometimes mistakes intentional plantings for weeds or vice versa… usually leaving in weeds that we want removed. The difference between a plant and a weed is a weed is a plant you don’t want where it is. This is especially true of native wildflowers…

I’d cut the guy some slack - especially if the plants were wilted from the heat and not yet flowering they could easily look unintentional.

I’d be curious to know if the planting beds were pretty over run with actual weeds already…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say he’s otherwise pretty great, but it is confusing how he could have done something so careless. This was important to you. He could have stopped and asked. I think it deserves a real apology from him.

But unless there are other examples of him acting thoughtlessly to you or things you care about, it’s not grounds for divorce.

Even my gardener (who isn’t professionally trained but does garden as a full time job) sometimes mistakes intentional plantings for weeds or vice versa… usually leaving in weeds that we want removed. The difference between a plant and a weed is a weed is a plant you don’t want where it is. This is especially true of native wildflowers…

I’d cut the guy some slack - especially if the plants were wilted from the heat and not yet flowering they could easily look unintentional.

I’d be curious to know if the planting beds were pretty over run with actual weeds already…

This is a good point. There's no way you'd know things weren't intentional in our beds because they are very visibly separated from any area you'd ever mow or weed whack.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I read your post and my takeaway was: wow, op is lucky she has a dh who regularly attends to yardwork. My dh does not; he is extremely kind and doting in other ways, but is very low energy and doesn’t do a lot of chores. He’s lucky we both make a lot of money to outsource everything. So I think op is pretty lucky to have a dh who’s out there weed whacking so regularly.

Mistakes happen. Obviously no one is purposefully tearing out plants unless they’re a psycho. And op doesn’t think he’s a psycho so move on and accept what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say he’s otherwise pretty great, but it is confusing how he could have done something so careless. This was important to you. He could have stopped and asked. I think it deserves a real apology from him.

But unless there are other examples of him acting thoughtlessly to you or things you care about, it’s not grounds for divorce.

He was already "very apologetic", which we can assume qualifies as a real apology if by "apologetic" OP means what those words mean.

[Anonymous]

He does this because he simply does not care about your plants or that they mean so much to you. He just doesn’t get it. People who don’t care about gardening won’t either. He wanted to get his chore done and he just went about it blindly.
That doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. He just doesn’t care about the same thing that you do. So the simple solution is to just remove the task from his list. Trade another chore with him or hire it out. There is no need to let this continue to upset you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say he’s otherwise pretty great, but it is confusing how he could have done something so careless. This was important to you. He could have stopped and asked. I think it deserves a real apology from him.

But unless there are other examples of him acting thoughtlessly to you or things you care about, it’s not grounds for divorce.

He was already "very apologetic", which we can assume qualifies as a real apology if by "apologetic" OP means what those words mean.

I think there a difference between “sorry about the plants” and “I’m truly sorry and regretful that I didn’t pay attention to you when you told me something was important to you”

[Anonymous]

One thing to ask - do you feel like he is being passive aggressive, op? That he intentionally did it then denied it? It happens. They would require another set of advice.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is grounds for divorce as DH has really soiled the bed.

Enough with the stupid puns...I think sunflowers look horrible in most gardens unless you have a very large plot that is nearly professionally landscaped (yeah...somehow they work in Martha Stewart's gardens).

Now, unlike your DH, I would tell you that I am weed whacking the sunflowers...ore more accurately...would warn you before you wasted the money to start.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I’m not *really* contemplating divorce. DH is generally great, but he has undiagnosed ADHD. Between him and my ADHD teens, I’m about ready to leave them to their own devices for the summer, lol.

He has weed whacked purposely planted plants before, and I was upset, but he didn’t know so I gave him some slack. It is precisely why I pointed out these recent plantings, made sure he knew where they were and what they looked like, etc. He just wasn’t paying attention.

To answer a pp’s question, this particular bed had been cleared out. I removed a large invasive shrub and planted a native shrub along with these cardinal flowers in its place. While they are not yet large/established, they were the only things growing in the mulched bed. Like I said, he wasn’t paying attention.

Also, I do the majority of the yard work. He cuts the grass and occasionally weed whacks when he feels like it. I’m banning him from weed whacking from now on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is grounds for divorce as DH has really soiled the bed.

Enough with the stupid puns...I think sunflowers look horrible in most gardens unless you have a very large plot that is nearly professionally landscaped (yeah...somehow they work in Martha Stewart's gardens).

Now, unlike your DH, I would tell you that I am weed whacking the sunflowers...ore more accurately...would warn you before you wasted the money to start.

That’s so sweet of you. Your spouse won’t need to waste their time on DCUM before deciding to dump your sorry ass.

[Anonymous]

I missed the sunflower part only saw the perennials. Your sunflowers are toast your perennials will probably be fine - water them.

Sunflowers are a bit unwieldy in a planned bed near a house. But I do understand why you’re disappointed.

If you’re interested in sunflowers maybe find an area of the yard to plant a cutting garden?? Tell him it’s not his job to maintain it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say he’s otherwise pretty great, but it is confusing how he could have done something so careless. This was important to you. He could have stopped and asked. I think it deserves a real apology from him.

But unless there are other examples of him acting thoughtlessly to you or things you care about, it’s not grounds for divorce.

He was already "very apologetic", which we can assume qualifies as a real apology if by "apologetic" OP means what those words mean.

I think there a difference between “sorry about the plants” and “I’m truly sorry and regretful that I didn’t pay attention to you when you told me something was important to you”

Where did OP quote these exact statements? Are you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m not *really* contemplating divorce. DH is generally great, but he has undiagnosed ADHD. Between him and my ADHD teens, I’m about ready to leave them to their own devices for the summer, lol.

He has weed whacked purposely planted plants before, and I was upset, but he didn’t know so I gave him some slack. It is precisely why I pointed out these recent plantings, made sure he knew where they were and what they looked like, etc. He just wasn’t paying attention.

To answer a pp’s question, this particular bed had been cleared out. I removed a large invasive shrub and planted a native shrub along with these cardinal flowers in its place. While they are not yet large/established, they were the only things growing in the mulched bed. Like I said, he wasn’t paying attention.

Also, I do the majority of the yard work. He cuts the grass and occasionally weed whacks when he feels like it. I’m banning him from weed whacking from now on.

Highly doubt your husband even cares.

[Anonymous]

Good luck with the lawn service. I eventually fired mine because they weed wacked more of my native plants than DH did.