Feel like I'm failing as a new mom

[Anonymous]

I feel like such a failure. I'm only a mom of 1 but I can't handle my newborn solo. He's a premmie and requires a lot of extra care and schedules. DH is going back to work next week and I'm freaking out. There isn't a question - just need support and to vent.

[Anonymous]

Hire help.

[Anonymous]

Get some help if you can and call your OB and tell them how you're feeling and that you want to be screened for PPD/A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get some help if you can and call your OB and tell them how you're feeling and that you want to be screened for PPD/A.

I don’t have PPD/A. I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Can you hire help or fly in family ? You're not failing,it can be really hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get some help if you can and call your OB and tell them how you're feeling and that you want to be screened for PPD/A.

I don’t have PPD/A. I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.

Being overwhelmed and exhausted with one newborn who sleeps 14 hours in a 24 hour period means you probably have PPD/PPA! There is no shame in it. I had it for my first and not for my second and the difference was night and day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get some help if you can and call your OB and tell them how you're feeling and that you want to be screened for PPD/A.

I don’t have PPD/A. I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.

Being overwhelmed and exhausted with one newborn who sleeps 14 hours in a 24 hour period means you probably have PPD/PPA! There is no shame in it. I had it for my first and not for my second and the difference was night and day.

NP. By your definition, every new mother on the planet has PPD. Newborns are exhausting because you are forced to prioritize their needs over everything else including your own. It happens to everybody.

To the new mom: It gets better, but the whole first year will be exhausting as you learn how to fit this needy person into your life. I do recommend you find a supportive online parenting group (as opposed to DCUM which offers more judgement than support). There's probably one for preemies that will help you feel less isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get some help if you can and call your OB and tell them how you're feeling and that you want to be screened for PPD/A.

I don’t have PPD/A. I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.

Being overwhelmed and exhausted with one newborn who sleeps 14 hours in a 24 hour period means you probably have PPD/PPA! There is no shame in it. I had it for my first and not for my second and the difference was night and day.

My child is two weeks. He sleeps more than 14 hours. He’s a preemie who requires lot of extra care with keeping him awake for feeding, feeding every 1.5 hours, and I’m also pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock. It’s overwhelming when DH here. It will be even more overwhelming once he’s back at work.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there. The first few weeks are a nightmare that no one talks about. You are doing great. It gets better.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry. My first was a preemie, and when he came home from the NICU, I had a very hard time. The first time my husband left, I called him crying because I was worried the baby would stop breathing under my watch.

Get whatever help you can set up. I ended up hiring a night nurse so I could sleep. I couldn’t sleep if there wasn’t someone watching the baby.

I went on to have another baby who was full term and that was so easy.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. It does get better. You are not failing! Hang in there. Ask friends and family to help, even if it is just to be with you.

[Anonymous]

Oh Sweetie- I feel for you and promise this is normal. Talk to your friends and family - hopefully they can help, and if not, call an agency and get some relief. There is so much learning in the first few months - but with time you will get in a groove -
- hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get some help if you can and call your OB and tell them how you're feeling and that you want to be screened for PPD/A.

I don’t have PPD/A. I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.

Being overwhelmed and exhausted with one newborn who sleeps 14 hours in a 24 hour period means you probably have PPD/PPA! There is no shame in it. I had it for my first and not for my second and the difference was night and day.

Wow, nice gaslighting!

[Anonymous]

OP, newborns are hard and preemies are super hard. I had a baby with an extra intensive feeding schedule for other reasons and it was so overwhelming and hard. I was lucky to have 30 minutes between feedings to try to sleep or do anything else.

The thing that you need to understand is that what yo7 are doing right now is like .001% of who/what you will be as a mom. Over time you will get to try many more aspects of motherhood and find the things you are awesome at. And you will back at yourself in this time and wish that self knew just how good a mom she was going to be.

Hang in there. The other thing I will say is if you need to hire/beg for extra help,right now, don’t think it’s what you’ll need forever. Things can change and improve quickly in this stage. I wish I’d called in more favors then but at the time I was thinking I didn’t want to “use them up.”

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH went back to work after taking 8 work days off. His company only offered 2 weeks’ paid paternity leave at the time (4 months later: they changed the policy to 3 months for all with no grandfathering and he spent the next year covering for 8 different parenting leaves! It was awful) and he thought saving 2 work days for the coming months would help.

Anyway, my baby was full term and it was so effing hard. What you are doing is so hard and I am proud of you and your tough little baby!

I don’t think I’d had a proper meal for the entire 2 first weeks and certainly hadn’t slept. We didn’t have family that could help and our friends also had very tiny infants. It was truly an awful time. I wasn’t healed and had nasty birth injuries and couldn’t do stroller walks or use an ergo until 5-6 weeks while I healed.

I found a baby and mom group run by a hospital and facilitated by a nurse and that was a lifeline. It gave me a place to go once a week. The nurse would hold babies for us so we could go off to a corner and cry, and someone always did.

1) order every meal. Get hot, interesting food for lunch and dinner. We didn’t have DoorDash or anything in my area at the time and I remember being just plain hungry and that making every emotion worse.

2) when your DH gets home, he has to take over no matter how tired he is or you’ll never fully heal

3) we had fisher price rock n plays, but they’re now banned. Get a snoo or whatever the thing is now so you have a safe place to leave your baby. Spend whatever it takes to get a baby receptacle so you can shower or change and know that they’ll be safe.

4) is there any way you can hire a night nurse? Someone? Please try. It wasn’t in our budget but I really needed a third adult.

I’m sending you genuine feelings of love and empathy- I remember those days vividly and my DD is now 10.