Reply to Guys who do all the cooking — do they expect something in return?

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[quote=Anonymous]I don’t think there’s any one way to do a relationship.

My friend’s husband does as much cooking as his job allows because he loves it. She is a SAHM.

My husband loves to cook, but again, a high powered job means he’s not getting home at the kids’ dinner time.

Your life will change once you have kids. The best way for big money is for one person to become the primary earner and the other to become the primary parent. If the primary earner has a big meeting that runs late, dinner cannot wait. The other parent has to get the kids fed. My concern is whether she can cook at all, or is she positioned to be the primary earner? If she can boil pasta and do simple sheet pan meals, she can cook for the family. If not, the family will likely be doing a ton of processed food. How do you feel about that? I wouldn’t get hung up on financial dependence. Either you’re a team, or you’re not.

Another concern is whether she picks up the slack in other ways. Does she scrub toilets? Pay bills? More the lawn? Do laundry? I wouldn’t automatically cut a partner out over this issue, but it’s one to watch out for. Why? There’s a necessary household task that she hates doing. She is letting you do it all. As long as you’re happy about it and doing other household chores, it’s just a division of labor. If she’s not doing other chores, such as laundry, you need to look at why. If you’re still feeling a sense of disquiet, a few sessions with a therapist can help you sort through your feelings.

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