Is it normal to be depressed about being tall

[Anonymous]

6’3 cis woman that is 35 years old . I thought I would enjoy my height by the time I am older but it seems like as I get older my height related insecurity increases .

Being tall has aged me badly , I suffer from muscle /joint pain , and physical therapist sessions hasn’t helped . Also I appear extremely gaunt , and no matter how food I eat I can never gain weight .

I tried therapy , counseling but none of that works . Anytime I step outside , and I’m towering over both men /women it makes me feel depressed . I didn’t come from a tall family so my height has always been a mystery . I got my menstrual cycle at 11 years old , and have normal estrogen levels but I still grew extremely tall .

I am also very sensitive , and cry a lot . Even the smallest comment on my height ruins my day . I hate attention , and hate being the biggest person in the room . I wish I had a dominant personality to match with my height .

Being tall also makes me feel very lonely because no woman look like me . I went to the Netherlands /Croatia and I towered over those woman .I'm even way bigger than other tall woman .

I never wanted to be short , even being 5’11 would be a miracle for me . It’s so unfair how height is something you cannot change .


Dating was very difficult for me because most tall men have god complex who felt like they doing me favor , and treated me poorly . The short men had inferiority complexes , and felt resentment towards me because I towered over them . The average height guys usually avoided me .

[Anonymous]

I bet you are striking and gorgeous. I am 5’11 and love being tall. I often wear heels and am 6’3. It’s sexy to be long and lanky like that! Embrace yourself!

[Anonymous]

I'm very, very short. My whole life I have been teased for how short I am. I practically have to starve myself so I'm not obese. I wear uncomfortable heels so that my pants look semi ok.

These are the cards that we have been dealt. I urge you to practice some hard self love. Just know that women like me look at you and think you're amazing.

[Anonymous]

5’5” man here. I feel your pain.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered medication? It sounds a bit like OCD that you are ruminating on your height so much and can’t move past it.

I am 6-0. I have females in my family taller than me. I understand what you are saying and am not at all negating there are parts of it that can be hard. But also you can move past this and have a great life.

I would also recommend dating apps where you can make your height clear and date guys who know your height and everyone’s interests and intentions are more clear. I don’t think 6-3 women are going to have a random meet cute with a guy. But you’ll meet someone great if you are a bit more intentional.

[Anonymous]

Hugs. It’s so hard to know what will be our Achilles heel. I was chubby as a child/teen and have struggled with my weight my whole life. I used to think that if I were thin I would immediately be happier. I now know that’s not true!

I hope you find your true love. I think that will help you with your self image. Join some groups and clubs, do online dating and be 100% honest on your profile. There is someone out there who will love you fully. Go to a nutritionist to see if they can help you with your weight/joint pain. It may be something you’re eating that might be causing those problems for you.

And every day tell yourself something positive about yourself. Even if you don’t believe it at first, it will start to sink in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5’5” man here. I feel your pain.

At least 5’5 guy can go to Latin America and Asia where men average 5’4 and see men that look like him . Even in America I see plenty of 5’5 guys . Also I would be more comparable to a 4’10 guy in terms of rarity .

Me being 6’3 I’m bigger than the entire world population . No where on this planet where woman come close to my height .

I understand being insecure about my height is useless because I can’t change but I get weekly meltdown's over it especially when people can’t stop talking about it .

I’m not playing a game of who has it worse , but I’m speaking from my perspective . If you feel insecure about being 5’5 just know I know how it feels to be dissatisfied with your height .

[Anonymous]

No, this is not normal. Sounds like it’s time to get back into therapy. You say you tried it - how long? How many therapists did you try?

On one hand, you have a legitimate gripe. I’m a 5’10” woman, and I love being tall, but 6’3” does move you from “tall” to “whoa” - I’ve met several women my height and one who is 5’11”, but besides seeing the women’s basketball team around campus in college, have never really met a woman as tall as you. Combine being way outside the usual height range with some negative physical side effects like pain, and I can really see why you dislike being so tall.

But, by age 35, you should have found some coping mechanisms to make this emotionally manageable for you (as it’s obviously never going to change). Even people who, for example, have to get a leg amputated, after an adjustment period, are able to move on and live happy, well adjusted, full lives in a wheelchair. And at the end of the day, you’re just… tall.

It feels to me just based on what you’ve written here, that you’re using your height as a scapegoat/excuse for any other problem - being thin (not actually related! Plenty of fat dudes over 6’3”!), depression, sensitivity, lack of confidence, and even negative self talk about your personality (that you “should” have a dominant personality to “match” your height, which is… not a thing).

Feels like a good therapist would help you push beyond “I don’t like being tall” to help you admit “I’m not happy with who I am,” a very common therapy complaint, and help you find a path forward with either behavioral changes or finding acceptance.

[Anonymous]

It's not height it's posture and muscle weakness that hurts. Look up upper cross syndrome.
Find a physical therapist that will work with you on your core and back/glutes. Then one for arms and legs.
Airrosti takes many insurances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered medication? It sounds a bit like OCD that you are ruminating on your height so much and can’t move past it.

I am 6-0. I have females in my family taller than me. I understand what you are saying and am not at all negating there are parts of it that can be hard. But also you can move past this and have a great life.

I would also recommend dating apps where you can make your height clear and date guys who know your height and everyone’s interests and intentions are more clear. I don’t think 6-3 women are going to have a random meet cute with a guy. But you’ll meet someone great if you are a bit more intentional.

I do not have OCD or BDD . I don’t want to be constantly reminded about my height however people do it all the time . I understand woman my height are rare , but as a person who feels uncomfortable in my body being reminded of it all the time makes me feel horrible .

As a fellow tall woman please be more empathetic . I’m not saying I’m oppressed or anything like that , I am being human . Once you’re taller than 99 percent of the population it takes a mental toll on you .

If I was your height I wouldn’t even be insecure in my height nor would I type this up . There’s a world of a difference between 6’0 and 6’3.5 .

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. Disliking certain physical features is clearly a common problem given the plastic surgery industry in this country. You just have the bad luck of something that can’t be fixed with surgery like a bad nose or small boobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered medication? It sounds a bit like OCD that you are ruminating on your height so much and can’t move past it.

I am 6-0. I have females in my family taller than me. I understand what you are saying and am not at all negating there are parts of it that can be hard. But also you can move past this and have a great life.

I would also recommend dating apps where you can make your height clear and date guys who know your height and everyone’s interests and intentions are more clear. I don’t think 6-3 women are going to have a random meet cute with a guy. But you’ll meet someone great if you are a bit more intentional.

I do not have OCD or BDD . I don’t want to be constantly reminded about my height however people do it all the time . I understand woman my height are rare , but as a person who feels uncomfortable in my body being reminded of it all the time makes me feel horrible .

As a fellow tall woman please be more empathetic . I’m not saying I’m oppressed or anything like that , I am being human . Once you’re taller than 99 percent of the population it takes a mental toll on you .

If I was your height I wouldn’t even be insecure in my height nor would I type this up . There’s a world of a difference between 6’0 and 6’3.5 .

You don’t actually know how you would be if you were 6’0. You assume you would be happier, but you might not. It’s like when people lose a ton of weight and assume life will work out perfectly, but it doesn’t, because that’s not always the only thing.

I hope you can figure this out, op! You deserve to treat yourself better! You are worthy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, this is not normal. Sounds like it’s time to get back into therapy. You say you tried it - how long? How many therapists did you try?

On one hand, you have a legitimate gripe. I’m a 5’10” woman, and I love being tall, but 6’3” does move you from “tall” to “whoa” - I’ve met several women my height and one who is 5’11”, but besides seeing the women’s basketball team around campus in college, have never really met a woman as tall as you. Combine being way outside the usual height range with some negative physical side effects like pain, and I can really see why you dislike being so tall.

But, by age 35, you should have found some coping mechanisms to make this emotionally manageable for you (as it’s obviously never going to change). Even people who, for example, have to get a leg amputated, after an adjustment period, are able to move on and live happy, well adjusted, full lives in a wheelchair. And at the end of the day, you’re just… tall.

It feels to me just based on what you’ve written here, that you’re using your height as a scapegoat/excuse for any other problem - being thin (not actually related! Plenty of fat dudes over 6’3”!), depression, sensitivity, lack of confidence, and even negative self talk about your personality (that you “should” have a dominant personality to “match” your height, which is… not a thing).

Feels like a good therapist would help you push beyond “I don’t like being tall” to help you admit “I’m not happy with who I am,” a very common therapy complaint, and help you find a path forward with either behavioral changes or finding acceptance.

The reason why I put dominant is that it takes a certain personality to rock being very tall , and I don’t have it . Also the taller you are the less emotional people expect you to be when I am very emotional naturally . Throughout my life I was told by others that big girls don’t cry unlike other woman when they cry people comfort them . I also noticed I cannot express anger like other woman because I am bigger which is scary for others .

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP.

You might want to switch physical therapist. Posture exercices and yoga should help.

If they don't, perhaps you have auto-immune conditions that predispose you to joint and neurological issues. You need to insist with your doctor about extensive testing for that. Also, I imagine your furniture isn't conducive to the best posture. Do you have the right mattress and pillow? I have an autoimmune condition that causes joint inflammation and other problems, and I need an orthopedic pillow and other aids to keep as neutral a posture as possible.

Are you on an SSRI for your depression? Don't hesitate.

Is your therapy targeted on the phobia of being noticed? Maybe you should try that.

I hope you can find peace with your body, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered medication? It sounds a bit like OCD that you are ruminating on your height so much and can’t move past it.

I am 6-0. I have females in my family taller than me. I understand what you are saying and am not at all negating there are parts of it that can be hard. But also you can move past this and have a great life.

I would also recommend dating apps where you can make your height clear and date guys who know your height and everyone’s interests and intentions are more clear. I don’t think 6-3 women are going to have a random meet cute with a guy. But you’ll meet someone great if you are a bit more intentional.

I do not have OCD or BDD . I don’t want to be constantly reminded about my height however people do it all the time . I understand woman my height are rare , but as a person who feels uncomfortable in my body being reminded of it all the time makes me feel horrible .

As a fellow tall woman please be more empathetic . I’m not saying I’m oppressed or anything like that , I am being human . Once you’re taller than 99 percent of the population it takes a mental toll on you .

If I was your height I wouldn’t even be insecure in my height nor would I type this up . There’s a world of a difference between 6’0 and 6’3.5 .

I’m the 16:02 poster. The bolded is your problem. You cannot change this and it is inevitable. Your only path to moving past these feelings is acceptance and coping. Yes, you are unusually tall. Yes, people will comment on it. Yes, that will happen on a daily basis. No, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

So - what can you do? You can turn it into a game, and anytime someone makes a comment you can put a dollar in a jar and then use it to buy something nice for yourself. You can hand out cards like this guy: https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2016/10/tall-teenager-has-business-cards-if-you-ask-about-his-height.html. You can come up with a standard reply, either funny or biting or honest, and just say it every time until it becomes routine. Ideas:

What?? I was only 5’6” when I left the house!

Yeah I think I ate too many Wheaties.

I hadn’t noticed.

You know, it’s actually really rude to comment on people’s appearance.

Oh, yes, I’m having a great day, thanks for asking! And how are you?

Tall you say? That’s entirely new information!

But as long as you walk around just hope hope hoping that no one will notice and/or no one will comment, you are asking to be disappointed and miserable. And that is totally within your control.