Is it normal to be depressed about being tall

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered medication? It sounds a bit like OCD that you are ruminating on your height so much and can’t move past it.

I am 6-0. I have females in my family taller than me. I understand what you are saying and am not at all negating there are parts of it that can be hard. But also you can move past this and have a great life.

I would also recommend dating apps where you can make your height clear and date guys who know your height and everyone’s interests and intentions are more clear. I don’t think 6-3 women are going to have a random meet cute with a guy. But you’ll meet someone great if you are a bit more intentional.

I do not have OCD or BDD . I don’t want to be constantly reminded about my height however people do it all the time . I understand woman my height are rare , but as a person who feels uncomfortable in my body being reminded of it all the time makes me feel horrible .

As a fellow tall woman please be more empathetic . I’m not saying I’m oppressed or anything like that , I am being human . Once you’re taller than 99 percent of the population it takes a mental toll on you .

If I was your height I wouldn’t even be insecure in my height nor would I type this up . There’s a world of a difference between 6’0 and 6’3.5 .

That's what I was thinking reading that post. It might have come off as dismissive but she does have a point about meds being helpful. You have something that takes up too much of your mental space and that's not healthy for you because it takes energy away from better things. You should know that it is 100% normal to be depressed about something you cannot change and see others reacting negatively towards. Just because it is a normal reaction, doesn't mean meds won't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered medication? It sounds a bit like OCD that you are ruminating on your height so much and can’t move past it.

I am 6-0. I have females in my family taller than me. I understand what you are saying and am not at all negating there are parts of it that can be hard. But also you can move past this and have a great life.

I would also recommend dating apps where you can make your height clear and date guys who know your height and everyone’s interests and intentions are more clear. I don’t think 6-3 women are going to have a random meet cute with a guy. But you’ll meet someone great if you are a bit more intentional.

I do not have OCD or BDD . I don’t want to be constantly reminded about my height however people do it all the time . I understand woman my height are rare , but as a person who feels uncomfortable in my body being reminded of it all the time makes me feel horrible .

As a fellow tall woman please be more empathetic . I’m not saying I’m oppressed or anything like that , I am being human . Once you’re taller than 99 percent of the population it takes a mental toll on you .

If I was your height I wouldn’t even be insecure in my height nor would I type this up . There’s a world of a difference between 6’0 and 6’3.5 .

Did my response lack empathy? I said I understand what you are saying and am not negating parts of it are hard. Look not being able to move past it and find some perspective and joy in life is not normal. That’s what you came here and asked. So I’m telling you. Your brain is not letting you process and move on so my genuine advice is ask for help and different help if the help you’ve sought isn’t working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered medication? It sounds a bit like OCD that you are ruminating on your height so much and can’t move past it.

I am 6-0. I have females in my family taller than me. I understand what you are saying and am not at all negating there are parts of it that can be hard. But also you can move past this and have a great life.

I would also recommend dating apps where you can make your height clear and date guys who know your height and everyone’s interests and intentions are more clear. I don’t think 6-3 women are going to have a random meet cute with a guy. But you’ll meet someone great if you are a bit more intentional.

I do not have OCD or BDD . I don’t want to be constantly reminded about my height however people do it all the time . I understand woman my height are rare , but as a person who feels uncomfortable in my body being reminded of it all the time makes me feel horrible .

As a fellow tall woman please be more empathetic . I’m not saying I’m oppressed or anything like that , I am being human . Once you’re taller than 99 percent of the population it takes a mental toll on you .

If I was your height I wouldn’t even be insecure in my height nor would I type this up . There’s a world of a difference between 6’0 and 6’3.5 .

Did my response lack empathy? I said I understand what you are saying and am not negating parts of it are hard. Look not being able to move past it and find some perspective and joy in life is not normal. That’s what you came here and asked. So I’m telling you. Your brain is not letting you process and move on so my genuine advice is ask for help and different help if the help you’ve sought isn’t working.

Also even as a 6 foot tall woman people remind you of it all the time. It’s not great. I get it.

[Anonymous]

I am tall and married into a very tall family in which all the women are over 6 ft. It’s striking and great. It’s a fantastic thing, height. Except on airplanes. But most of the time we enjoy it.

Have you been to the Netherlands? It might be worth a trip there if you haven’t. It’s an interesting experience as a tall woman to be surrounded by women just as tall as you. And the clothes in stores fit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, this is not normal. Sounds like it’s time to get back into therapy. You say you tried it - how long? How many therapists did you try?

On one hand, you have a legitimate gripe. I’m a 5’10” woman, and I love being tall, but 6’3” does move you from “tall” to “whoa” - I’ve met several women my height and one who is 5’11”, but besides seeing the women’s basketball team around campus in college, have never really met a woman as tall as you. Combine being way outside the usual height range with some negative physical side effects like pain, and I can really see why you dislike being so tall.

But, by age 35, you should have found some coping mechanisms to make this emotionally manageable for you (as it’s obviously never going to change). Even people who, for example, have to get a leg amputated, after an adjustment period, are able to move on and live happy, well adjusted, full lives in a wheelchair. And at the end of the day, you’re just… tall.

It feels to me just based on what you’ve written here, that you’re using your height as a scapegoat/excuse for any other problem - being thin (not actually related! Plenty of fat dudes over 6’3”!), depression, sensitivity, lack of confidence, and even negative self talk about your personality (that you “should” have a dominant personality to “match” your height, which is… not a thing).

Feels like a good therapist would help you push beyond “I don’t like being tall” to help you admit “I’m not happy with who I am,” a very common therapy complaint, and help you find a path forward with either behavioral changes or finding acceptance.

The reason why I put dominant is that it takes a certain personality to rock being very tall , and I don’t have it . Also the taller you are the less emotional people expect you to be when I am very emotional naturally . Throughout my life I was told by others that big girls don’t cry unlike other woman when they cry people comfort them . I also noticed I cannot express anger like other woman because I am bigger which is scary for others .

PP here. All if this, every single sentence in this latest post, is an example of a cognitive distortion that can be addressed through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBD). Here’s a list: https://www.skylandtrail.org/10-common-types-of-cognitive-distortions/

“It takes a certain personality to rock being tall” - no it doesn’t. That’s an example of a “should, must, or ought” statement.

“The taller you are the less emotional people expect you to be” - that’s emotional reasoning. You wish you were less emotional or think that would make it easier, but that’s not actually true.

“Big girls don’t cry they comfort” - overgeneralization. So someone in your life (maybe a parent?) thought that and told you so everyone must think that? No. Everyone sometimes cries, everyone sometimes needs comfort, everyone can comfort. This is not height related.

“Bigger people can’t be angry they’ll scare people” - this is all or nothing thinking. Everyone feels anger. It’s fine to show it. Most of the time, no one will be scared.

None of these thoughts are objectively true. None of them. And these thoughts are what’s holding you back, not your height.

Get a good CBT therapist and start working on this. And maybe dig into your history a bit. Possible you had a judgmental, overbearing parent with very firm ideas about how you were supposed to feel and behave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very, very short. My whole life I have been teased for how short I am. I practically have to starve myself so I'm not obese. I wear uncomfortable heels so that my pants look semi ok.

These are the cards that we have been dealt. I urge you to practice some hard self love. Just know that women like me look at you and think you're amazing.

dp.. I'm probably 4'11, though I say I'm 5'

I don't know who has it worse -- the super short woman or super tall woman. I *hate* being this short. Absolutely loathe it.

When I was younger (up till 33 before I pregnant), I was super skinny size 00 (before they had a 00). I also look very young. When I was in college, people thought I was in MS. Guys probably thought I was in MS so wouldn't approach me though the ones who knew I was in college did. When I started working, people never took me seriously because they thought I was a kid.

Grass is always greener, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very, very short. My whole life I have been teased for how short I am. I practically have to starve myself so I'm not obese. I wear uncomfortable heels so that my pants look semi ok.

These are the cards that we have been dealt. I urge you to practice some hard self love. Just know that women like me look at you and think you're amazing.

dp.. I'm probably 4'11, though I say I'm 5'


At least you short girls can wear high heels or platforms to feel average height . Plus I know certain ethnicities where woman average 4’11 .
I don't know who has it worse -- the super short woman or super tall woman. I *hate* being this short. Absolutely loathe it.

When I was younger (up till 33 before I pregnant), I was super skinny size 00 (before they had a 00). I also look very young. When I was in college, people thought I was in MS. Guys probably thought I was in MS so wouldn't approach me though the ones who knew I was in college did. When I started working, people never took me seriously because they thought I was a kid.

Grass is always greener, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very, very short. My whole life I have been teased for how short I am. I practically have to starve myself so I'm not obese. I wear uncomfortable heels so that my pants look semi ok.

These are the cards that we have been dealt. I urge you to practice some hard self love. Just know that women like me look at you and think you're amazing.

dp.. I'm probably 4'11, though I say I'm 5'

I don't know who has it worse -- the super short woman or super tall woman. I *hate* being this short. Absolutely loathe it.

When I was younger (up till 33 before I pregnant), I was super skinny size 00 (before they had a 00). I also look very young. When I was in college, people thought I was in MS. Guys probably thought I was in MS so wouldn't approach me though the ones who knew I was in college did. When I started working, people never took me seriously because they thought I was a kid.

Grass is always greener, I guess.

Even though short woman are teased and made fun off . Being a short woman is more acceptable in society than being a tall woman because woman are naturally shorter . Many feminine traits unfortunately are infantilized I think a similar thing happens to woman with high pitched voices .

However most short woman I’ve come across never think about their height or even enjoy it . They usually get themselves a tall guy , and have a happy ever after .

[Anonymous]

Men don’t care about height , you overthinking .

[Anonymous]

Tall girls are the beauty standard . Most girls dream of growing tall . A tall woman being insecure is like a skinny blonde girl being insecure . It’s a mental illness that’s has no basis in real life . Tall woman have superior genes and most men want their wife to be tall .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tall girls are the beauty standard . Most girls dream of growing tall . A tall woman being insecure is like a skinny blonde girl being insecure . It’s a mental illness that’s has no basis in real life . Tall woman have superior genes and most men want their wife to be tall .

Not necessarily. Many women with Marfan's are tall and lanky but that comes with a price in terms of health, like heart issues.

I really don't think they are comparable. There are millions of skinny blond girls, but very few women who are nearly my brother's height of 6'4. In fact, there aren't hordes of men that tall either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very, very short. My whole life I have been teased for how short I am. I practically have to starve myself so I'm not obese. I wear uncomfortable heels so that my pants look semi ok.

These are the cards that we have been dealt. I urge you to practice some hard self love. Just know that women like me look at you and think you're amazing.

dp.. I'm probably 4'11, though I say I'm 5'

I don't know who has it worse -- the super short woman or super tall woman. I *hate* being this short. Absolutely loathe it.

When I was younger (up till 33 before I pregnant), I was super skinny size 00 (before they had a 00). I also look very young. When I was in college, people thought I was in MS. Guys probably thought I was in MS so wouldn't approach me though the ones who knew I was in college did. When I started working, people never took me seriously because they thought I was a kid.

Grass is always greener, I guess.

Even though short woman are teased and made fun off . Being a short woman is more acceptable in society than being a tall woman because woman are naturally shorter . Many feminine traits unfortunately are infantilized I think a similar thing happens to woman with high pitched voices .

However most short woman I’ve come across never think about their height or even enjoy it . They usually get themselves a tall guy , and have a happy ever after .

Most women 5'1 under hate their height. I know several of them -- my sisters, friends, etc..

But, yea, I married a 6'3" man. LOL I wasn't looking for someone that tall. I would've preferred 5'10". But, bonus, my kids are on the taller side - almost 6' DS and 5'6" DD.

[Anonymous]

Move to Holland or Scandinavia. Seriously. At 5'2", I felt so awkward because I was so short and everyone was towering over me. Save up and go on a sabbatical for 6 months, or vacation for 2 weeks, whatever you can afford, but go, just so that you can feel normal. FYI, you are normal

[Anonymous]

OP, I have real empathy for you and am following this thread with interest as I have a DD who will be at least 6 feet. She is also sensitive and unlikely to embrace an Amazonian persona. We actually put her in volleyball at 7 to promote positive self-image regarding her height and it backfired, as the coaches couldn't stop talking about it and it made DD feel like an outlier... I also have a medical condition that causes me to sweat profusely and makes me want to hide. It sucks to not be comfortable in your own skin. My coping strategy is to admit to myself that I'm embarrassed but that I refuse to feel shame.

I like the advice of taking a trip to the Netherlands, Latvia, etc. to help yourself snap out of the funk. Even if you're still taller than most it will make a difference. And it's an act of self-love just to put yourself into that more comfortable context, even briefly. Also, the humorous comebacks suggested in a previous response are perfect—repeat them over and over. You have to find a way to laugh at the ridiculousness that we're all stuck in these unchosen bodies. And that for most of us, things only go downhill. If you can get there, that humor will win over people of both genders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tall girls are the beauty standard . Most girls dream of growing tall . A tall woman being insecure is like a skinny blonde girl being insecure . It’s a mental illness that’s has no basis in real life . Tall woman have superior genes and most men want their wife to be tall .

Not necessarily. Many women with Marfan's are tall and lanky but that comes with a price in terms of health, like heart issues.

I really don't think they are comparable. There are millions of skinny blond girls, but very few women who are nearly my brother's height of 6'4. In fact, there aren't hordes of men that tall either.

Tallness is a beauty standard period . Most celebrities trophy wives are all tall and skinny . Most rich men look for tall and skinny woman . So I never understood why tall woman complain about feeling masculine when there’s a whole model industry that promotes their beauty .

Short woman attract low quality men similar to woman who are too curvy or have huge boobs .