sleepover -- how to explain WHY to my child
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Anonymous
| My daughter was invited to a sleepover at the home of a child whose parents I don't know well. It's also a boy and her understanding is that the other invitees are all boys. This is for a birthday party. The children are 9 and 10 years old. I told her she cannot go because I don't know the parents well. She is very upset. She thinks I'm lying and it's because I will miss her! I told her it's about safety, but I do think I should explain this better. I don't want to tell her I think the dad or any of the boys could sexually assault her! Although in addition, I won't let her spend the night with people I don't know well for other safety reasons -- I have no idea how they run their home and what their safety rules would be at a party with a group of kids. I'm just not comfortable with it. I would let her stay at the party until the sleeping part and then come home. Anyway, when you tell your children they can't sleep over, what do you tell them is the reason. She's only 8, by the way. (Which feels like an additional reason this is a bad idea, but I also mention it re what to tell her. She's young and naive.) |
Anonymous
| You should just leave it as you don’t know the parents and so it’s a safety issue. You won’t let her sleep at a strangers house. It doesn’t matter whether she believes you or not, and you don’t need to over explain yourself here. You’re the parent and that’s the rule. |
Anonymous
| Because I said so. I’m all for providing explanations to kids but in this case, you cannot give her a reason that is really age-appropriate. So the reason is because you said so. When she is older she will understand. |
Anonymous
| Would you consider letting her attend for an hour or two during the evening? I admit being the only girl at a sleepover is unusual especially if you do. know the Family. Is the bday kid a best friend? |
Anonymous
I don't think you read OP's whole post. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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This is OP. I'm not a "because I said so" parent, but I think PP is perhaps right that there's no explanation that is age-appropriate.
It's going to get worse (by which I mean the factors that make her more likely to be a victim keep stacking up here), but my daughter is also autistic. Which makes it particularly important to her to know the "why" for things. And I'm usually happy to oblige. But I don't think there is an age appropriate why to offer here. |
Anonymous
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I made it very clear to my kids when they were young that sleepovers could only happen when I said so, when I approved of the family, when they were a certain age and no mixed parties.
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Anonymous
| We just have a blanket no sleepover rule, which my husband insisted on before my kids were even born. I agreed based on experiences I had at sleepovers as a child. We’ve always told them “no sleepovers” just like we’ve always said “no pets”. They protest occasionally but it’s never been that big of a deal. |
Anonymous
Same here. Only a few of my DD's classmates allow sleepovers, and it seems like that clique of parents have all known each other for a 100 years so that's why they are ok with it. |
Anonymous
| You don't need to explain more. Your answer is because you don't know the boy's parents well. You do not need to explain further or get into a back-and-forth about it. |
Anonymous
| That is pretty cute she thought it was because you would miss her, though! |
Anonymous
+1. This. She doesn't have to understand now. She'll get it soon enough. |
Anonymous
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I love that she thought you'd miss her.
I would tell her that it's your (and other parent if there is one) most important job to make sure she is safe and well taken care of, and so you only allow her to stay overnight with other people when you know them well enough to be sure that they will do just as a good a job. |
Anonymous
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“No” because 9 year girls don’t have sleep overs with boys.
“No” because I am your mom and I said so. |