Dying Sister
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Anonymous
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My youngest sister is estranged from my middle sister and me (I'm the oldest) and is in very ill health. She wrote us a letter a few years ago detailing why she never wanted to see us again and we complied. Long story short, she caused a lot of turmoil in everyone's life, but especially for middle sister.
My mom was originally included in this estrangement, but being sister needed help, mom started up a relationship with her. Now, mom is manipulating and trying to coerce us into having a relationship with said sister, as she is likely to die in the next year. Said sister is not as angry as before and is very different now. Middle sister said, "If she'd just reach out to me, maybe a mia culpa or olive branch, I would maybe connect with her." Middle sister's husband has terminal cancer and has a lot on her plate. I also have a lot on my plate, was diagnosed with a mild cancer in September that exhausts me, and am ambivalent about reaching out to her. I'm not sure why youngest sister can't reach out herself but whatevs. I'm royally pissed at mom for attempting to manipulate us. She is throwing out quotes like, "The quality of mercy is not strained." WTF. I'm going to be a gramma soon and I'm having a baby shower for my DIL. I told Mom I would invite youngest sister too but that I felt that was generous enough. We live no where near each other but if she came that would be fine. I have no idea what shape she's in but she does fly between her two houses. Is that enough? |
Anonymous
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Let them
Stop letting your mom get under your skin |
Anonymous
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I couldn’t follow any of this…
Who you mad at? Which one is dying? |
Anonymous
| Reconcile. Take the first step, be the bigger person. You won't regret it. |
Anonymous
I'm mostly mad at Mom but that's not the point My youngest sister is dying and I don't know how much I should be in her life. Or, if I should reach out. |
Anonymous
IS sending the invitation a big enough step? |
Anonymous
Her younger sister wrote a long letter saying she never wants to see her again and to stay out of her life. She did. Younger sister is sick and now the mom is seeing her because she needs help. The poster wants to know if when somebody tells you they want nothing to do with you do you let them renege on it when they’re desperately in need of your help or do you let them live with the consequences of their actions? |
Anonymous
Yes, it’s fine. Your life is complicated and your sister made her bed and now she has to lie in it. |
Anonymous
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If it will shut mim up, send an email and cc her and other sister.
Say Youngest Sister Name, I am sorry you are facing this serious health challenge and wish you well. I have a serious health issue of my own and have limited energy. |
Anonymous
| Shut Mom up. |
Anonymous
| Your sister is dying. No, a baby shower invitation is not enough. |
Anonymous
this isnt' bad... |
Anonymous
[list]
Well it seems like a bad time to procrastinate or mull over it…. So you do nothing and she dies and you spend your life thinking what if… Or you see her when she’s still alive and think about the time you got to spend together. Either way you will never stop thinking about her because she’s your sister. So decide WHAT you want those memories and thoughts to be like and act on them. You either remember her as everyone was mad when she died or you remember wow we enjoyed a really nice couple months together before she died. |
Anonymous
| I can see why she cut you off.... |
Anonymous
| Why is your younger sister not reaching out herself, this is what an adult would do. This triangulation by mom is not healthy. Have you asked mom why is sister not reaching out herself? Otherwise it sounds like something that mom is doing for herself, your sister doesn't want you in her life as she said. |