I told my daughter a prom dress looked unflattering on her... mistake or no?

[Anonymous]

My daughter and I went to try on prom dresses, which was going really well until she asked my opinion on one of them, and I told her honestly that it was unflattering. My intention was obviously not to make her insecure or to steer her away from the dress, but I wanted to contribute instead of just nodding and smiling the whole time. (Also, I said this before she told me her own opinion about the dress.) She got really sad and immediately took it off, suggesting we leave the store (it had been about half an hour at this point). I agreed because I didn't want to fight, but now she's refusing to talk to me about it and is giving me the cold shoulder (weirdly polite, etc).

I feel terrible, but also... she needs to get over it. She knows I would never say anything to intentionally hurt her, and I think she is just trying to pick a fight for some mysterious reason. Is this something you're to supposed to tell your kids?

[Anonymous]

That's not very kind. You can't take that back

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't say that directly. At most maybe something like, "Hmm, I'm not sure about that color."

[Anonymous]

Sigh. The question is, do you walk on eggshells all the time, or do you trust your own family to know you love them and just come out with the truth?

I tell my kids the truth. They sure tell me the truth!!! Whatever your home policies are, it should go both ways, otherwise it's not fair.

[Anonymous]

Have you apologized?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't say that directly. At most maybe something like, "Hmm, I'm not sure about that color."

Op is a narcissist. I'm sure her daughter looked fine even beautiful and op's ego couldn't handle it so she said something she knew would upset her daughter.

Even in her post she's more concerned with herself than her daughter.

Speaks of her daughter like an adversary.
I'm sure op sabotages her daughter all the time.

[Anonymous]

What kind of trolling is this? No one is trying on prom dresses in January.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not very kind. You can't take that back

I don’t understand what OP did wrong. She said the dress was unflattering. That’s a criticism of the dress, not her dd. We’ve all seen a dress that looked great on the hanger, but once we put it on, we realized the proportions were off or the cut was all wrong on us or it didn’t drape the way we thought it would or the color washes us out or the sleeves are weird, etc. Why is it unkind to admit that it’s not as flattering as the other choices?

[Anonymous]

What you said: NBD

The way you said it: I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Disney's Dream Productions did it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I would have also told my DD, but I'd have phrased not as "That looks unflattering on you" but more "I think the A-line dresses look most flattering on your body type, and it seems like you want to wear olive green or red, so do you want me to see if I can find some like that for you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't say that directly. At most maybe something like, "Hmm, I'm not sure about that color."

Op is a narcissist. I'm sure her daughter looked fine even beautiful and op's ego couldn't handle it so she said something she knew would upset her daughter.

Even in her post she's more concerned with herself than her daughter.

Speaks of her daughter like an adversary.
I'm sure op sabotages her daughter all the time.

You're the only who sounds insane on this thread.

[Anonymous]

told her honestly that it was unflattering. My intention was obviously not to steer her away from the dress,

So you were just trying to bully her?

No way this is the first time you messed with her head. But I believe that you are dumb enough to not know you did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. The question is, do you walk on eggshells all the time, or do you trust your own family to know you love them and just come out with the truth?

I tell my kids the truth. They sure tell me the truth!!! Whatever your home policies are, it should go both ways, otherwise it's not fair.

I don't find it "walking on eggshells" to avoid telling my teenage daughter she looks bad in something. There are times when my DD looks awkward or something she's wearing is not flattering. She's a teen, she goes through awkward phases, and she's trying out different looks and trends to decide what she likes. Saying nothing in these situations does not take effort from me BECAUSE I love her no matter what. So it doesn't matter what she looks like.

In the prom dress situation, if I thought another dress looked better on her, I would probably say that. "Oh I just love you in the blue one, it looks so great with your coloring and I feel like the length really suits you." But I wouldn't say "No green is just awful with your skin tone and you can't pull off that neckline." Just why? It's mean. Would you say that to a friend? I would not, even if it was the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and I went to try on prom dresses, which was going really well until she asked my opinion on one of them, and I told her honestly that it was unflattering. My intention was obviously not to make her insecure or to steer her away from the dress, but I wanted to contribute instead of just nodding and smiling the whole time. (Also, I said this before she told me her own opinion about the dress.) She got really sad and immediately took it off, suggesting we leave the store (it had been about half an hour at this point). I agreed because I didn't want to fight, but now she's refusing to talk to me about it and is giving me the cold shoulder (weirdly polite, etc).

I feel terrible, but also... she needs to get over it. She knows I would never say anything to intentionally hurt her, and I think she is just trying to pick a fight for some mysterious reason. Is this something you're to supposed to tell your kids?

Not a good sign when you tell someone they 'need to get over something'

Maybe you should take your own advice