How/why do people have a second (or more?!?!) child?

[Anonymous]

I love my baby but she’s a little over a year old and I don’t understand why anyone would do this again. It has gotten better every month but I still wouldn’t do it over again. Do some people actually like having babies or is it just that why grow up and you realize everything is a stage? People I know who gave birth around the same time as me have started to talk about having another and I can’t help but state stare at them like they have three heads. And I don’t work so I don’t have all that much to juggle, just taking care of my baby. Is it significantly easier with daycare? Considering going back to work and sending my child to childcare in the next year so I can get some adult time.

[Anonymous]

Some people just know they want a big family and are willing to go through the baby phase more than once. I was already 2 months pregnant at my DD1's first birthday. With a visible belly haha. DH and I knew we wanted a bunch of kids. Ended up with 3 in 5 years.

[Anonymous]

I think around 18 months is when they are so cute and fun that it makes you want another. I also think as they get older, having two is nice because they play together and need you less. But it’s highly individual and depends on the personalities of everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Some of us love babies!

And yes, it’s a phase.

Daycare is both easier and harder.

[Anonymous]

Felt the same as you and stopped at one. No idea. I am a SAHM with both help and all of the money to have multiple kids but we had zero desire to have more.

[Anonymous]

It’s very hard, but I loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people just know they want a big family and are willing to go through the baby phase more than once. I was already 2 months pregnant at my DD1's first birthday. With a visible belly haha. DH and I knew we wanted a bunch of kids. Ended up with 3 in 5 years.

I am not a baby person either, OP, but I have 3 kids. For me it was just that our family didn't feel complete. After the 3rd child, it did. Also by the 3rd child I figured I could do the lack of sleep for a year (except DD3 made it 19 months of sleep disruptions - I don't remember much about those months but I survived).

I will say that by kid 3 we were also in the world of kid activities and such and not nearly so bored as that first year with 1 when we really just didn't know what to do with ourselves. I WOH part time so I always got "adult time" (not that I consider that a big important thing, honestly, because I'm an introvert), but the boredom of that first year with 1 kid was pretty terrible.

[Anonymous]

I didn't like the baby phase and was more suited to parenting a potty trained child who had the ability to reason. Parents also have phases they excel at. I don't get how some people like tiny helpless infants, but some do. Other parents don't get how I love parenting middle schoolers, but it's my favorite.

[Anonymous]

The baby stage was hard for me, but I knew I wanted more than one. Now I have two in elementary and they are great little people. They can eat, sleep, bathe, and entertain themselves. I would never go back to having a baby at this point, so it’s good I had them fairly close together.

[Anonymous]

Some people have easier babies than others, and some have easier pregnancies/deliveries than others, some have more hormone fluctuations than others, and some have more emotional fortitude than others. All of that can affect wanting another baby.

If Person A felt awful all through pregnancy, had a ton of complications like gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia, then was in labor for two days only to then have a c-section and then develop complications from it, and have PPD, AND have a fussy baby that screams all the time, it stands they might not want another baby.

But if Person B felt great and was able to work out all through pregnancy with zero complications, give birth within a day with no issues, feel capable of managing all the hormone variations and have a relatively happy baby that is easy to get on a schedule, they'd think having a baby is a lot of work but doable and look forward to having another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people have easier babies than others, and some have easier pregnancies/deliveries than others, some have more hormone fluctuations than others, and some have more emotional fortitude than others. All of that can affect wanting another baby.

If Person A felt awful all through pregnancy, had a ton of complications like gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia, then was in labor for two days only to then have a c-section and then develop complications from it, and have PPD, AND have a fussy baby that screams all the time, it stands they might not want another baby.

But if Person B felt great and was able to work out all through pregnancy with zero complications, give birth within a day with no issues, feel capable of managing all the hormone variations and have a relatively happy baby that is easy to get on a schedule, they'd think having a baby is a lot of work but doable and look forward to having another.

I was more person A, but I still had 3 kids. I don't think I'm emotionally strong or that I handled sleep deprivation well. I just wanted 3 kids, and now that they're in elementary and middle I'm so glad I have them and people tell me all the time how great they are.

[Anonymous]

I love babies and had 3 within 5 years but I couldn’t have done it as a SAHM. I worked in the baby years then quit when they were in elementary school. Totally recommend this approach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby stage was hard for me, but I knew I wanted more than one. Now I have two in elementary and they are great little people. They can eat, sleep, bathe, and entertain themselves. I would never go back to having a baby at this point, so it’s good I had them fairly close together.

How close together did you have them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people just know they want a big family and are willing to go through the baby phase more than once. I was already 2 months pregnant at my DD1's first birthday. With a visible belly haha. DH and I knew we wanted a bunch of kids. Ended up with 3 in 5 years.

I am not a baby person either, OP, but I have 3 kids. For me it was just that our family didn't feel complete. After the 3rd child, it did. Also by the 3rd child I figured I could do the lack of sleep for a year (except DD3 made it 19 months of sleep disruptions - I don't remember much about those months but I survived).

I will say that by kid 3 we were also in the world of kid activities and such and not nearly so bored as that first year with 1 when we really just didn't know what to do with ourselves. I WOH part time so I always got "adult time" (not that I consider that a big important thing, honestly, because I'm an introvert), but the boredom of that first year with 1 kid was pretty terrible.

+1

I am not a baby person at all and we have 3. It just felt right for our family.

Also the baby/toddler stage is brief in the grand scheme of life. I really struggled with that phase (especially with my first…less so with the others) but have enjoyed parenting a lot overall (all 3 of mine are teens). Others might say they enjoyed the infant stage best. Maybe it is a personality thing.

[Anonymous]

We didn't start trying for our second until our first was 3.5. We had a couple of other life events that probably delayed it at bit but I felt the same way you do.