Failure to Launch Daughter Is Unemployed and Blaming Me for All of Her Problems

[Anonymous]

It's pretty clear that you don't love your daughter, and that is where all her issues stem from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty clear that you don't love your daughter, and that is where all her issues stem from.

I would like for these insulting comments to stop. Not only are they simply untrue, but they're unproductive to solving the situation at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Are you looking for help in helping her or are you just here to vent?

[Anonymous]

You have started so many threads on here, with very identifiable information to your daughter, to her friends and to your circle who probably avoid you like the plague.

It is sad, cruel and is causing irreparable harm to chronicle your daughter’s life for everyone to see. It will cause insurmountable grief to her and you need to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty clear that you don't love your daughter, and that is where all her issues stem from.

I would like for these insulting comments to stop. Not only are they simply untrue, but they're unproductive to solving the situation at hand.

That’s not an insult, that pp is just speaking the truth. Your hatred and utter disdain for your daughter shines through in every one of your posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty clear that you don't love your daughter, and that is where all her issues stem from.

I would like for these insulting comments to stop. Not only are they simply untrue, but they're unproductive to solving the situation at hand.

That’s not an insult, that pp is just speaking the truth. Your hatred and utter disdain for your daughter shines through in every one of your posts.

+1. "The situation at hand" is entirely of her own making. I hate OP and didn't have the "privelege" of being raised by her. What a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

You clearly want confirmation as to why you should cut off your daughter. It probably would be best for everyone involved to distance themselves. This is a toxic relationship.

There is no way I would be angry at my kid for using my Amazon account to buy essentials. Since you are, then just cut ties and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You clearly want confirmation as to why you should cut off your daughter. It probably would be best for everyone involved to distance themselves. This is a toxic relationship.

There is no way I would be angry at my kid for using my Amazon account to buy essentials. Since you are, then just cut ties and be done with it.

I agree with this and it would be better for everyone. The day I get pissed about my kid buying soap and shampoo from Amazon, it's done. That relationship is toxic and over. Good job, mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

You need a neuropsych evaluation, OP. You are a nasty piece of work. You and your DH were dumb enough to pay for a degree with religious conditions but not put conditions on her choice of major. You are controlling, and foolishly so.

You are also lacking in empathy and judgment. It's no wonder she is struggling. She seems to have been screwed by both nature and nurture.

[Anonymous]

I thought the daughters who wouldn’t attend church and stole from mom were teens? Troll.

[Anonymous]

I think this is the OP that wanted to send kid to jail and told her she wouldn't take her calls from jail. That victim mom (sic) raged because hated daughter (HD) was a writer, wanted to attend workshops and that OP didn't want HD to "air family dirty laundry" or slander them about being abused in her writings.
My hunch there was HD had been abused, maybe by mom or by dad and they blamed her for telling on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is the OP that wanted to send kid to jail and told her she wouldn't take her calls from jail. That victim mom (sic) raged because hated daughter (HD) was a writer, wanted to attend workshops and that OP didn't want HD to "air family dirty laundry" or slander them about being abused in her writings.
My hunch there was HD had been abused, maybe by mom or by dad and they blamed her for telling on them.

It’s definitely the same op! The writing style is very recognizable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

OP here. I just don't understand what an autism diagnose at the age of 24 would do. It's not like she's in high school or college, where an autism diagnosis would at least grant her accommodations and maybe access to social skills classes. It just feels like she wants an excuse from adulting, and that she's latching onto a potential autism diagnosis as a way to escape the "real world" of work and compromising in relationships.

I also think that it's dubious how effective or helpful a diagnosis would be if she's getting diagnosed this late -- at that point, she's high functioning enough (if she even qualifies for a diagnosis in the first place, which I doubt as she's pretty good at picking up on subtext) that it wouldn't qualify her for disability income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound extremely rigid and speak about your daughter with such distain I can see why posters think you hate her.

If she's stealing from you she's likely desperate. If this is the hill you want to die on - are you prepared for your daughter to end up homeless? Because calling her names and berating her choices at every turn, isn't going to get you want you want here. If you want to continue having a relationship with her, you can only control you and you need to do better.

It's ridiculous and a classic example of black-and-white thinking to insinuate that my daughter will end up homeless just because DH and I have the audacity as parents to point out her immaturity, lack of responsibility, and her current unemployed status that's leading her to steal money from us.

.

Nope. I’m asking you where your line in the sand is. If your daughter is unemployed, and stealing from you, it is not a stretch to consider she is running out of funds. You have stated repeatedly you’re not going to give her any money, so where is she going to get rent money if she has none? You are engaging in magical thinking.