Men seem eager to be remarried!

[Anonymous]

Yall welcome to come sit invisible in my house for a week or two and see for yourself who does what, when. And you can check each parent’s iPhone hours each day as well. Or check our Ring cams.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Yeah, they do. They also want someone to do the household stuff (best case, split the load). They do not want to be solely responsible for household and kid stuff. Which is fine, I don't either, but the big question is why did they divorce then?

This. Women usually file for divorce…not men. 70% are initiated by the woman.

I keep hearing this stat on this board; is there a citation?

It is cited so many places

Honestly, men are more pragmatic when it comes to the prospect of divorce. They take time, perform a Benefit Cost Analysis and find the best scenario and will probably only pull the divorce trigger when most expeditious and cost-effective. Look at the lesbian divorce rate vs gay men if you want to some broader context. Why is it the way it is? Why such a stark contrast? Anyone?

Wrong. Most men are lazy to file.

They take the passive aggressive approach and continue to treat their wife and home like $hit until she’s finally cracks and files for divorce.

Voila! She’s the bad guy and he’s the poor victim.

And she does all the divorce paperwork/ women’s work.

Passive aggressive? That’s not really a man’s personality trait. Men get fed up at constant sht talking and unprovoked insults they endure from their wives. They are berated in many cases and that’s even when they pull their fair share. I know this is a forum where we’re all supposed to roll over and just “believe women” about emotional load imbalances and that men are worse or whatever, and it’s heavily skewed female anyway, so I take anything people are writing with a grain of salt.

Not you putting believe women in air quotes. Male anger really is amusing sometimes. I look around at men who come home to cooked meals and cared for children and are still mad. It’s really something.

[Anonymous]

Marriage benefits the patriarchy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Yeah, they do. They also want someone to do the household stuff (best case, split the load). They do not want to be solely responsible for household and kid stuff. Which is fine, I don't either, but the big question is why did they divorce then?

This. Women usually file for divorce…not men. 70% are initiated by the woman.

I keep hearing this stat on this board; is there a citation?

It is cited so many places

Honestly, men are more pragmatic when it comes to the prospect of divorce. They take time, perform a Benefit Cost Analysis and find the best scenario and will probably only pull the divorce trigger when most expeditious and cost-effective. Look at the lesbian divorce rate vs gay men if you want to some broader context. Why is it the way it is? Why such a stark contrast? Anyone?

Wrong. Most men are lazy to file.

They take the passive aggressive approach and continue to treat their wife and home like $hit until she’s finally cracks and files for divorce.

Voila! She’s the bad guy and he’s the poor victim.

And she does all the divorce paperwork/ women’s work.

Passive aggressive? That’s not really a man’s personality trait. Men get fed up at constant sht talking and unprovoked insults they endure from their wives. They are berated in many cases and that’s even when they pull their fair share. I know this is a forum where we’re all supposed to roll over and just “believe women” about emotional load imbalances and that men are worse or whatever, and it’s heavily skewed female anyway, so I take anything people are writing with a grain of salt.

Not you putting believe women in air quotes. Male anger really is amusing sometimes.
I look around at men who come home to cooked meals and cared for children and are still mad. It’s really something.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Yeah, they do. They also want someone to do the household stuff (best case, split the load). They do not want to be solely responsible for household and kid stuff. Which is fine, I don't either, but the big question is why did they divorce then?

This. Women usually file for divorce…not men. 70% are initiated by the woman.

I keep hearing this stat on this board; is there a citation?

It is cited so many places

Honestly, men are more pragmatic when it comes to the prospect of divorce. They take time, perform a Benefit Cost Analysis and find the best scenario and will probably only pull the divorce trigger when most expeditious and cost-effective. Look at the lesbian divorce rate vs gay men if you want to some broader context. Why is it the way it is? Why such a stark contrast? Anyone?

I don’t have insight into every man, but when my exDH knew I was unhappy about his treatment of me and the kids and the imbalance within our family life, he waited until things were perfectly tipped in his favor to file. Spent down our shared assets, got a secret promotion, filed 2 weeks before the title and pay raise was official, and then pranced off into the sunset with a 7 figure salary and me making less than 1/10th of that.

The second he realized the balance of our relationship was permanently in his favor, he was done with it. He got what he needed- kids old enough to not need to be wiped or buckled in, childcare so he could build his career- and he was out.

Are your kids still communicating with him ? My exH did the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Right, they have the assets so to speak. They need to hire a program manager. They understand they probably need to give the woman her own child to make it attractive.

I'm not saying it's a good or bad thing. Its just different than a 21 year old guy looking to settle down and support a new family. This is something they already have and having a wife makes it easier.

Yeah, this is it.

It's a cliche, the divorced dad who gives the new wife one kid to keep her happy.

In many het marriages the woman carries a lot more of the load at home. That's why divorced women of the same age are so happy to be divorced and just want a FWB in their free time. They do NOT want to overfunction for a man ever again.

If you are late 30s and always wanted to settle down and have kids, then you're both providing something the other wants, and that's fine. But go into it clear-eyed about the expectations.

My ex just chewed out our teenaged daughters in front of his affair partner-turned-girlfriend for not filling his stocking (he did not ask them to?). He never filled my stocking, mind you. But he was very sad to discover that the Christmas Fairy didn't magically visit him. His girlfriend said, "Hey, don't make them feel bad!" She's got her own full time job and 3 kids, but I bet you this time next year, she's the one filling his stocking. Because getting nothing gave him the sadz.

I mean, if he can find a woman who will make life better for him and by extension my kids, I won't complain. His house never has food, he never cleans up when the dog pees on the rug, etc. I'm sad that I did those things for him, but at least it was my job as a SAHM. Now I'm getting alimony NOT to have to deal with his shit, and you best believe I will never be taking on another man's shit again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Yeah, they do. They also want someone to do the household stuff (best case, split the load). They do not want to be solely responsible for household and kid stuff. Which is fine, I don't either, but the big question is why did they divorce then?

This. Women usually file for divorce…not men. 70% are initiated by the woman.

I keep hearing this stat on this board; is there a citation?

It is cited so many places

Honestly, men are more pragmatic when it comes to the prospect of divorce. They take time, perform a Benefit Cost Analysis and find the best scenario and will probably only pull the divorce trigger when most expeditious and cost-effective. Look at the lesbian divorce rate vs gay men if you want to some broader context. Why is it the way it is? Why such a stark contrast? Anyone?

I don’t have insight into every man, but when my exDH knew I was unhappy about his treatment of me and the kids and the imbalance within our family life, he waited until things were perfectly tipped in his favor to file. Spent down our shared assets, got a secret promotion, filed 2 weeks before the title and pay raise was official, and then pranced off into the sunset with a 7 figure salary and me making less than 1/10th of that.

The second he realized the balance of our relationship was permanently in his favor, he was done with it. He got what he needed- kids old enough to not need to be wiped or buckled in, childcare so he could build his career- and he was out.

Are your kids still communicating with him ? My exH did the same

They go to his house wearing headphones and beg him to bring them back a few hours later, always early. The littlest one is in it explicitly for the Lego sets, which is messed up. Of course he’s filed for more time because he claims he can’t have a relationship with them if he never spends time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things still fall into traditional gender roles. Men look to women to meet their domestic needs and women look to men to meet their financial needs.

You will find some women taking on the domestic responsibilities for their new husband and step children and you will find men taking on financial responsibilities for their new wife and step children.

Both are two sides of the same coin. People meet some of their own responsibilities and look to others to meet other needs.

I would guess that the number of women who remain completely financially independent and take on full financial responsibility for themselves and their children is pretty similar to men who remain completley domestically independent and take on full domestic responsibilities for themselves and their children

Your misogny is clouding facts. The majority of all women work. Women are not looking to men to meet their financial needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems the harpies are still grumpy from the holidays…

I love how this thread can coexist right next to the “Are divorced men solely looking for sex?” thread and while the two are totally opposite in what they are griping about every harpy agrees that men are definitely always wrong…

You're a whole entire bi tch who sought out a mom's group to do the cyber equivalent of yanking a girl's ponytail for attention. You know you're a low value scrote. We know you're a low value scrote. To the corner with you.

Are you a child? You sound like a child. You can't even use words correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Yeah, they do. They also want someone to do the household stuff (best case, split the load). They do not want to be solely responsible for household and kid stuff. Which is fine, I don't either, but the big question is why did they divorce then?

I divorced when my kids were 15 and 13. I dated but didn't marry until one was graduated from university and the other was a junior in college. I ran my household perfectly fine on my own, and I effectively had 90% physical custody as the kids didn't want to live with their mother for a variety of reasons. Men run their households just fine, thank you very much. And the fact that you automatically slandered an entire gender with this trope indicates lazy, archaic thinking and likely more than a touch of bitterness and projection. You're just not in touch with the real world and your misandry is revolting. Be better.

You are an exception. 90 % of divorces between college educated couples are initiated by women. Male infidelity (#1 cause) ; unequal distribution of labor; controlling tendencies of male spouse; emotional pressure etc.

So yes, something to thing about if a woman dates a divorced man with college degree.

I'm not an exception. Nor would I have called myself a "single dad." I ran a household, yes, but I was divorced, not single.

I wanted to divorce for YEARS before she stepped out. I didn't because I feared how the courts would cut off access to my kids. There was no way I was going to be a Wednesday and every other weekend father. I know a LOT of frustrated men who feel the same way.

Again, I reiterate that men will sacrifice their happiness for their family. I've seen repeatedly, however, that once a woman decides she's unhappy and she blames her husband and the drudgery and labor of raising children for that unhappiness, she will not only be COACHED by therapists to "self-actualize" and leave, she will do so in a hurry. Usually, she wants a big financial payout if she does it. Often, this is with exit affairs -- they get caught up in limerance and think they can divorce, take up with the new guy and collect a fat check every month. At least Virginia and some other states penalize adultery.

The family courts have gotten better about recognizing the contribution of fathers. But they're still woefully behind. And that more than degrees attained, has more to do with the fact that women initiate divorce more than men -- they think they have more to gain.

There wouldn't be so many single mothers if this were the case, get your head out of your a$$ and come back to reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They just want a bang-nanny. Don’t fall for it!

why not? A lot of women want that so what's the issue?

A lot of women want to care for a mans children with other women and be an on-demand sex doll? Some sure, but hardly "a lot".

Men are so delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Yeah, they do. They also want someone to do the household stuff (best case, split the load). They do not want to be solely responsible for household and kid stuff. Which is fine, I don't either, but the big question is why did they divorce then?

This. Women usually file for divorce…not men. 70% are initiated by the woman.

I keep hearing this stat on this board; is there a citation?

It is cited so many places

Honestly, men are more pragmatic when it comes to the prospect of divorce. They take time, perform a Benefit Cost Analysis and find the best scenario and will probably only pull the divorce trigger when most expeditious and cost-effective. Look at the lesbian divorce rate vs gay men if you want to some broader context. Why is it the way it is? Why such a stark contrast? Anyone?

I don’t have insight into every man, but when my exDH knew I was unhappy about his treatment of me and the kids and the imbalance within our family life, he waited until things were perfectly tipped in his favor to file. Spent down our shared assets, got a secret promotion, filed 2 weeks before the title and pay raise was official, and then pranced off into the sunset with a 7 figure salary and me making less than 1/10th of that.

The second he realized the balance of our relationship was permanently in his favor, he was done with it. He got what he needed- kids old enough to not need to be wiped or buckled in, childcare so he could build his career- and he was out.

Why weren't all these facts considered? Spending down marital assets just before a divorce is considered dissipation of assets. His new title and pay raise remain relevant to an equitable division of assets, spousal support, and child support, even if they were announced two weeks after filing. Your lawyer just rolled over on these issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want someone to take care of their home, them, and kids?

Bingo

Seriously, if my husband asks me what's for dinner one more time..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Our friends are getting divorced. She's 51, he's 52, they have one teenager. She absolutely does not want more kids, he does. I think he's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m literally being told by the divorced dads: I want a family structure; I want another kid; I have money and can support a family.

Our friends are getting divorced. She's 51, he's 52, they have one teenager. She absolutely does not want more kids, he does. I think he's crazy.

It makes perfect sense. It's not like he had any hand in the actual raising of this child, so he remembers it super fondly. It was so easy! Babies are so easy! Toddlers are so easy! Let's have more.

And of course, whatever woman dumb enough to fall for it will end up doing 99% again. These people are terrible parents and it's always a terrible idea, but they go ahead with it anyways.