Spin off - Kids ringing doorbell in neighborhood/free roaming kids. What are your rules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Needing community doesn’t mean that his parents get to leave him unsupervised to roam around the neighborhood into other people’s homes behaving inappropriately. It’s not others’ jobs to parent your kids.

Whatever. The OP said that until recently she has been instructing her child to exclude the little boy from group activities outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

Is the person in this situation an autistic preschooler?
Then yes. I can imagine saying this to my daughter.

I mean this respectfully as I’m sure you are a great parent, but if you really would tell your preschool daughter these things, you have crossed too far along the spectrum of sacrifice for the sake of the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

If you have an autistic preschooler than has these behaviors then you (parent) should be supervising them. This isn’t a kid that should be free roaming the neighborhood

[Anonymous]

Agree that the SN kid needs supervision. I can't imagine he is allowed to roam around freely, but shunning a kid with SN seems cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that the SN kid needs supervision. I can't imagine he is allowed to roam around freely, but shunning a kid with SN seems cruel.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

Is the person in this situation an autistic preschooler?
Then yes. I can imagine saying this to my daughter.

I mean this respectfully as I’m sure you are a great parent, but if you really would tell your preschool daughter these things, you have crossed too far along the spectrum of sacrifice for the sake of the community.

Wait, why is my daughter also in preschool? I thought she was an adult who was attempting to shun a preschooler from his entire community. Like the OP.

Isn’t that what we are talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

Is the person in this situation an autistic preschooler?
Then yes. I can imagine saying this to my daughter.

I mean this respectfully as I’m sure you are a great parent, but if you really would tell your preschool daughter these things, you have crossed too far along the spectrum of sacrifice for the sake of the community.

If you tell your six year old not to play with the neighbor kid and not to let the other kids play with the neighbor kid because he did xyz, when does it end?
I get saying not to play with him for the rest of the afternoon or whatever, but saying never again is rough.

I think you imagine that this will blow over, and that if the kid doesn’t hit anyone for five years, then when the kids are 11, it won’t be an issue. Or when he’s 16 and hasn’t hit anyone or exposed himself to anyone in a decade, that it will be forgotten. But that isn’t how it works. Social skills deficits become more pronounced as kids get older. Kids will be less likely to want to be accepting of a kid who is different. This stuff where you tell your kids that it isn’t safe to play with xyz kid doesn’t just go away.

[Anonymous]

OP here - responding to prior poster at 00:20 and claims I am shunning the child. Where have I ever said I am excluding him from group play?

Original post at 12:39 -
my son has complained to me about a little boy in the neighborhood who pulls his pants down and shows his genitals or hits other kids. My son is no longer allowed to play with him, nor does he want to, due to the hitting.

Second post on 6/12/25 at 20:34
OP here - I don't know why I am expected to allow my child to play with another boy who is hitting him and exposing himself to him and other children in the neighborhood. Does inclusivity trump safety?

I have mentioned it to my neighbor multiple times, but the behavior has not changed. So no, he's not allowed to play at our house because he wants to play in the bathroom with the door closed, and I say no. He cannot follow house rules and has very loud meltdowns. I have said to my son he cannot exclude him from group play, but he doesn't have to play with him if he doesn't want to and he's not allowed at our house because of his behavior.


The child's social development is the responsibility of the parents first and foremost and the intervention therapists. This is not my burden to bear. I've watched the mom supervise her children. She sits with her back turned and is reactive. My son is not allowed to play with him 1:1, and he does not want to either.

He doesn't follow the rules. His mom doesn't properly supervise. My son is bothered by the behavior. Again, I don't see why inclusivity trumps safety. My responsibility is to care for my son, not the entire neighborhood which is the crux of my annoyance. I am tired of feeding, caring, and now (according to DCUM) being responsible for the social development of a disabled child in my neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

^ not all of dcum. Only one crazy who probably lets her kids loose on the neighbors and expects them to raise her kids while she “works” or watches tv.

[Anonymous]

Inclusivity should never trump safety.

- From someone whose mother wanted to be a “mommy martyr” so she fostered a teen boy when I was 7 and then ignored what was right in front of her. I’d rather be the neighborhood pariah, known for “shunning” kids and being the absolute antithesis to “inclusivity” than forcing my kids to be around a child who exposes himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People wonder why they have no village. Neighborhood friends are your child’s village.

It only tAkEs A vILlAgE when people *want* something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live on a street in Capitol Hill like this and I love it. There's one kid who rings a bit too often and is a bit too clueless about social cues (parents are very uninvolved), but the pluses outweigh the minuses by far. We rarely feed kids meals, but do give snacks. Once kids are 6, I figure they know their own family's snack rules.

You think that but I got in trouble for handing out snacks during Ramadan. I was handing out snacks to everyone and didn't even think about it.

Yeah, it’s precious to think that kids, even 6-year-olds, are going to follow”their family’s snack rules” when their parents aren’t watching and when they’re presented with junk food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - responding to prior poster at 00:20 and claims I am shunning the child. Where have I ever said I am excluding him from group play?

Original post at 12:39 -
my son has complained to me about a little boy in the neighborhood who pulls his pants down and shows his genitals or hits other kids. My son is no longer allowed to play with him, nor does he want to, due to the hitting.

Second post on 6/12/25 at 20:34
OP here - I don't know why I am expected to allow my child to play with another boy who is hitting him and exposing himself to him and other children in the neighborhood. Does inclusivity trump safety?

I have mentioned it to my neighbor multiple times, but the behavior has not changed. So no, he's not allowed to play at our house because he wants to play in the bathroom with the door closed, and I say no. He cannot follow house rules and has very loud meltdowns. I have said to my son he cannot exclude him from group play, but he doesn't have to play with him if he doesn't want to and he's not allowed at our house because of his behavior.


The child's social development is the responsibility of the parents first and foremost and the intervention therapists. This is not my burden to bear. I've watched the mom supervise her children. She sits with her back turned and is reactive. My son is not allowed to play with him 1:1, and he does not want to either.

He doesn't follow the rules. His mom doesn't properly supervise. My son is bothered by the behavior. Again, I don't see why inclusivity trumps safety. My responsibility is to care for my son, not the entire neighborhood which is the crux of my annoyance. I am tired of feeding, caring, and now (according to DCUM) being responsible for the social development of a disabled child in my neighborhood.

I said this about shunning him from the neighborhood. I’m glad that you told your son to stop excluding the child from group play.

I’m not sure why you would ever have this child in your house or set up 1:1 play dates. It doesn’t sound like he is a good playmate for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you say no to the drop ins, send kids back to their own house for lunch/dinner, tell your kid each family has different ways of doing things. This really isn’t so hard.

I do feel bad for the child with autism who is already being isolated by other families.

This stood out to me too. Yikes. Poor kid/family.

+100 the kid is also in … PRESCHOOL. Those behaviors are normal for preschoolers who don’t have a social disability.

Our neighborhood is exactly the same. Some parents prioritize order and control and others like the care-free socializing and don’t mind chaos. And the families set their own rules accordingly.

DP. I think a kid is allowed to decide he doesn't want to hang out with a kid who hits and exposes himself, even if those behaviors are not uncommon in preschoolers.

Reading Comprehension. The op is quite clear that her kid is NOT ALLOWED to play with him. Most older kids aren’t bothered by naked little kids. I actually find it weird that it bothers her so much.

You're the one who needs to work on your reading comprehension.

OP: my son has complained to me about a little boy in the neighborhood who pulls his pants down and shows his genitals or hits other kids. My son is no longer allowed to play with him, nor does he want to, due to the hitting.

I've bolded the parts you missed in your rush to be sanctimonious.

You literally wrote “not allowed to” in your response. Most kids don’t want to play with autistic kids. The op (and you, apparently) would rather take these moments to reinforce exclusion and ick principles than take the opportunity to say “Larlo, he’s FOUR and has a disability. Let’s talk about why his disability might cause him to act this way. Ignore the behavior and be kind to him”
Doesn’t mean he has to be his best friend. But such justified unkindness will show itself eventually.

If you think that forcing your kid to play with someone with inappropriate sexual behaviors is a good idea you are free to do so. I don't force my kid to be friends with anyone. Hope your choice doesn't come back to bite you.

Ok, reading comprehension again. You didn’t read what I wrote so there’s no use.

DP, but no, we read it. You’re just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ not all of dcum. Only one crazy who probably lets her kids loose on the neighbors and expects them to raise her kids while she “works” or watches tv.

+1,000,000