Any moms give up big careers?

[Anonymous]

I am strongly considering quitting my job and am looking to hear from others who left a very demanding job after having kids, especially if you left when your kids were a bit older (vs just born).

My kids are both elementary age but I work way too much (55+ hours per week which often includes some night/weekend work) and my current boss / department is toxic. I have been blocked from taking family vacations due to important meetings, regularly have to take calls at night/early in the AM and often get stuck at the office late (or have to be in very early) for meetings. I get paid well but feel like I am missing out on so much of my kids’ life, and often take the stress of being pulled in 2 directions at once out on them.

At the same time I am terrified of leaving my job because I have worked to build my career over the past 20+ years. I don’t think I want to be a stay at home mom when my kids are gone from 8-3 daily. I would love to find something with more flexibility but don’t know if that exists but I know it would be a big step back salary wise.

For those who left a big corporate job, do you regret it? Did you end up staying home or did you find a different job that was better in the long run?

[Anonymous]

Do you think it’s really as black and white as you need to do these crazy hours or don’t let the door hit you on the way out? There must be middle ground between the job you have now and no job at all.
If you can’t imagine there is another job out there that isn’t a big pay cut, do you think that means you’re way overpaid now?

[Anonymous]

I definitely wouldn't quit entirely, you'll go stir crazy. Just jib hunt for a better work life balance, even if it means a paycut.

[Anonymous]

I left biglaw to stay home with my kids and I am so grateful I had that opportunity. Went back to work many, many years later to a job that is fine but not great. Still zero regrets. But it has to work for your personality.

Also search DCUM - there are many threads with the same question.

[Anonymous]

After a 65+ hour a week position when my kids started school, I downshifted to a less demanding job when kids were in middle school, then decided to leave the workforce when my kids were in high school. I highly recommend an interim position, if you can find one, as it's a good way to decide if that's enough flexibility to make you feel comfortable and satisfied. In my case, the interim job gave me time to reflect, spend more time with family, and get back to my favorite hobbies. Then I started to realize there was so much more I wanted to do in life than work, even 40 hours a week. Once I left the work force, I had plenty of time for my hobbies and my kids - and was really happy and much healthier. Other moms I know have taken similar paths, but filled their time with volunteering or part time work.

[Anonymous]

I left my field for a new one. It was a bit starting over, I miss my old field a lot and my new one is boring to me but the flexibility can’t be matched. It took me almost two years to get hired outside my field at the salary I wanted but I had specific skills that were hard to translate.

There was no way I could be the kind of mom I wanted to be in my old job and changing careers was a good move for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left biglaw to stay home with my kids and I am so grateful I had that opportunity. Went back to work many, many years later to a job that is fine but not great. Still zero regrets. But it has to work for your personality.

Also search DCUM - there are many threads with the same question.

I left as a biglaw partner and never looked back. Had a bonus baby we could really enjoy. Stock market has done wonders for my retirement fund. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

I gave up a good career to stay home. I might get back to it one day but no regrets so far. I will say that when you meet kids, it’s obvious which ones have a parent at home. People don’t like to hear it but it’s true. Once, I met some really good kids and was so confused because I heard their mom had a career but then I found out that the dad is at home with them.

[Anonymous]

I left a law job that was way too many hours. Gave up over 1/3 of my salary and it took a decade or so to get back to that level. New job was a big job but 7.5 hours per day just about guaranteed if you managed your time. When youngest hit 10th grade went back to a different bigger job. No regrets but I would have hated being a stay at home mom and glad I never did that.

[Anonymous]

I left a big job once my three kids were reaching tween years and I was concerned about what could influence them. I did take a job with a non profit that I loved and the location and hours really worked well for me. I needed that work as being a full time mom would not have been right for me. But the balance was wonderful as my kids did very well and the work was very rewarding even if the pay was about 80% less than I had been making. Thankfully, my husband was very successful and supportive.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should set boundaries. You are not. As long as you are working during ordinary working hours, and working an ordinary, at leas, 40 hour week -- YOU establish when you are available and when you are not. Let 'em fire you if they don't like it. You may as well try rather than quit. Do the job the way you feel is reasonable.

I wouldn't announce this at work. Just do it. Just start being *not* available when you are being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a good career to stay home. I might get back to it one day but no regrets so far. I will say that when you meet kids, it’s obvious which ones have a parent at home. People don’t like to hear it but it’s true. Once, I met some really good kids and was so confused because I heard their mom had a career but then I found out that the dad is at home with them.

This is bull.
-SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should set boundaries. You are not. As long as you are working during ordinary working hours, and working an ordinary, at leas, 40 hour week -- YOU establish when you are available and when you are not. Let 'em fire you if they don't like it. You may as well try rather than quit. Do the job the way you feel is reasonable.

I wouldn't announce this at work. Just do it. Just start being *not* available when you are being taken advantage of.

NP but this is not a solution because OP will need to use the extra time to job hunt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a good career to stay home. I might get back to it one day but no regrets so far. I will say that when you meet kids, it’s obvious which ones have a parent at home. People don’t like to hear it but it’s true. Once, I met some really good kids and was so confused because I heard their mom had a career but then I found out that the dad is at home with them.

Hahaha. Troll!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a good career to stay home. I might get back to it one day but no regrets so far. I will say that when you meet kids, it’s obvious which ones have a parent at home. People don’t like to hear it but it’s true. Once, I met some really good kids and was so confused because I heard their mom had a career but then I found out that the dad is at home with them.

Sure, Jan.

We’ll take your confirmation bias as the gospel.