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Moms with boys using men’s locker room?
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Anonymous
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Hi all. I’m a childless dude (as will become obvious) who recently had a dumbfounding experience with a couple of moms that’s left me questioning if they were just presumptuous or way out of line and I’m looking for perspective:
I’m a regular swimmer at my local aquatic center, and it works out well for me because I can schedule my swims around times when the pools are sparsely populated. A couple of times in the past two weeks there’s been a kiddie swimming class going at approximately the same time. From what I see it’s a bunch of 5-7ish year old girls and a couple of boys all with their moms. No problem like I said there’s plenty of pool space and few people there. So my most recent time there I finish my laps, head back to the MEN’S locker room, and get in the showers. I’m the only person in there. To my bewilderment, a couple of minutes later I hear kid voices and a couple of women’s voices. I glance out to see two little swim boys and their moms apparently going to use the men’s locker room to change them after class. Bear in mind this locker room is about as open floor plan as it gets. Sinks and stalls are in a nook to the side, but the main space is lockers like 3 sides of a rectangle + three long changes benches in the middle + the showers, which are a dozen or so showerheads but just one big space. There’s essentially no divide blocking me from them or vice versa. I don’t acknowledge them, but apparently a naked guy showering in plain view didn’t deter them because I hear them carrying on. Now I’m basically done, but I stay in the shower for a couple of minutes waiting to see if they’ll be quick about it. Apparently not, & I’ve got to get going, so I grab a towel and walk to my locker (they at least chose to deal with the kids at the far end of a row whereas my stuff was at the near end). Again though, it’s a totally open space so I’m drying off completely visible to them. At this point I guess one of them felt compelled to at least acknowledge me and said something close if not verbatim to “Sorry about this. We just can’t change them with the girls in the womens”. Out of reflex I said “no worries” which afterwards I kind of regret. I zoomed through drying & dressing & left while they were still in there. The whole sequence just left me kind of stunned. On the one hand, I didn’t personally feel traumatized or outraged in the moment. And I can understand the kids/moms not wanting to change boys & girls together and so they have to work around that. On the other hand, I’m now feeling like even if I wasn’t horrified I still should have complained out of principle? There’s zero chance if the genders were reversed this would ever be attempted let alone tolerated. I have basically no frame of reference so I guess I’m seeking thoughts in case this happens again. I know I would be within my rights to complain, but is it a case where all involved would then be thinking: Really dude? You got to make this a thing? or were these moms way outside the norm and I should say something regardless? |
Anonymous
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Sounds like they were trying to follow a dumb rule of not letting young boys into the girls locker room after swim class by breaking an even larger rule of not letting adults of the opposite gender into the wrong locker room. The swim class should have advised these parents how to handle it if their 7 year old boys can’t change by themselves yet.
Also, this is a troll, because 5-7 year old kids are in school at this time. |
Anonymous
| I didn't read the entire novel you wrote but guessing there were women in the men's locker with kids. NO that is not normal AT ALL. Had this been reversed I'm guessing security would have been involved in a nano second. |
Anonymous
| Hmm—I live in a post Soviet country where this is the norm—I have always found it very uncomfortable though. The boys are too young to maneuver their wet suits in my experience and are nervous about being alone. They are also at an age where it is awkward for them to be in the women’s locker room. Our local solution was for there to be a separate area for kids. |
Anonymous
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I am a mom of boys and I would never do this. When they were little (like 5/6 under) I would just take them in the women’s locker room with me. There was then a period where they were a little old for that but too young to be in a locker room alone (and had difficulties with wet swimsuits and changing). So I would take them out to my car and change them in the parking lot (minivan for the win) or just have them sit on a towel for the drive home and shower/change at home. I would never dream of making other men uncomfortable like this. I think you’re totally within your right to complain about this happening if it occurs again (hopefully it was a weird one off).
That said I really wish there was a family changing room so this was a non issue! |
Anonymous
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I would talk to the management, not like complaining but asking if there are any family changing rooms, and if not, if they have plans to add any. This is a frequent debate in the various moms groups I have been part of. Moms of girls are horrified about boys changing in with the girls. Moms of boys are sure their sons will be assaulted alone in a changing room with strange men. I have both, so I can see where both are coming from! The best solution is family changing rooms, or like a single stall gender neutral room. You are probably not the first person to run into this, but hopefully if enough people speak up, the management will do something about it.
I have a 12 year old son who would be horribly embarrassed if adult women came into the dressing room with him. It’s really not okay, even if you weren’t personally bothered by it. |
Anonymous
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It’s odd behavior and I would complain if it happens again. Or ask the desk what they expect you to do.
During the day swim classes for that age group are geared to homeschool families and not that uncommon. |
Anonymous
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Mom here who took my boy into the women's locker room because I also had a daughter to manage.
Even without my daughter, NO, I would not have considered taking my son into the men's locker room. It sounds like the facilities should invest in a family locker room. Most YMCAs have that. I would make noisy mention of this issue to facilities management. It is ridiculous of them to allow a children's swim class without the proper facilities to accommodate their needs. |
Anonymous
| I don't want young boys in the women's locker room or showers with or without Mommy. I am an adult female. |
Anonymous
| Mom of boy swimmers. The best place to change 5 yo boys is in a non locker room bathroom stall, or in a stall of the womens locker room. If not possible to get to one without being in front of naked girls, this becomes a question for management. Adult women should never go in the men's locker room. |
Anonymous
| Family changing rooms exist in rec centers for this very reason. Say something to management. |
Anonymous
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I'd rather male children go to the womens locker room than adult women go to the mens locker room.
But realistically, this is what family change rooms are for. Can you bring it up to management? They might have an easy solution and can share with the parents of the swim class. |
Anonymous
This. Boys 5-7 are tricky because they aren’t allowed in women’s locker room and may not feel confident to navigate men’s locker room alone. But Mom has to deal by using a family changing room or a single person bathroom, I’m sure the gym has one somewhere. Or kid puts in a robe and goes home to shower and change. Mom going into the men’s locker room is not ok. Id say something to management. |
Anonymous
Report them to management. Over age six they go to men's locker rooms by themselves. I've seen one oidiot women bring 12 yr old boys into women's changing area. We reported her to management |
Anonymous
Change them in your car! The world does not revolve around you and your boys. |