When Coaches Lie
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Anonymous
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Coach: We are developmental and get everyone involved in games.
Reality: Some kids sit the bench all day. At 11. |
Anonymous
| It’s helpful to know what sport |
Anonymous
| Honest to god, just quit. I’m sure you have better things to do with your time. |
Anonymous
| There is no reason for that to happen at 11. I get maybe big games if a child is particularly bad, but most of the season should be decent play time. |
Anonymous
+100. Coaches want to win. No matter what else they tell you. |
Anonymous
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Coaches are human so I think a pattern vs no pattern is important here. Some just cannot put their own personal desire to win aside for the goal of development despite their best intentions/what they say. If this is your coach, it will not change so you need a new team.
Sometimes they don’t notice if a kid has sat longer than others because they get caught up/there’s a lot to manage. If it happens every once in awhile this might be the case so you should talk with him/her. Also, some sports are easier to manage bench rotation than others so keep that in mind but I can’t come up with a reason why an 11 year old is riding the bench. |
Anonymous
+1 for example my DS plays baseball and a lineup plan is often altered mid game due to a pitching change, run rule/shortened game etc. There are a lot of moving parts and it could just be an oversight. Or maybe the game becomes very close at the end, the current lineup is on a roll and they want to go for the win. But that is one game. But if it becomes a pattern, then I’d either talk to the coach “how can my child earn more playing time” and/or find a new team. Particularly if the coach is not even remotely handling playing time as stated originally when you joined the team. No 11yo should be sitting the bench in any sport more than 50% of the game times IMO. |
Anonymous
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We’ve had this in baseball and talked to the coaches. They know they are doing it. We and coaches talked to the kid about earning time. But the team has kids leaving for birthday parties, in the middle of the game for another sport etc. and those kids never sit when they are there.
You have to do what is best for your kid and don’t let these people out for themselves tell you otherwise. |
Anonymous
OP here. Our kid wants to and we’ve agreed that makes sense at end of fall season. Baseball, btw. Cant compete with coach’s kids and all the other nonsense. Has been rough on everyone and we don’t need it in our lives. It just gets old after awhile. |
Anonymous
It honestly sounds like you have a terrible coach. Having a coach like this can really damage the self-esteem. There are so many options for baseball teams at your son’s age. |
Anonymous
You’ve hit my biggest fear — self-esteem. We know what we need to do. We have an older son and this isn’t our first rodeo in baseball. His brother has been so good with him. Like his brother at that age, he’s small. But posters are right, coaches want to win now. We also feel hopeless in finding a better situation. So many coaches like this. |
Anonymous
I had a kid on a daddy ball team like this. We moved our kid. DC was reluctant because of leaving friends. Then DC came home from first practice with tears in eyes, saying "I'm not used to feeling like I'm actually good." DC has blossomed and the sport has been good for them. Quitting is one option, but moving is another. |
Anonymous
| A lot of kids worry about leaving teammates because they feel like they are leaving their best friends. In some cases this is true, in others, it is not. But the reality is you have to decide as parents what you want to prioritize—perceived friendships or what’s best baseball wise. Rare to find both. In our experience, a change in teams did wonders for confidence and development and then the friendships followed. DS stays in touch with old team but he’s now getting the reps he needs and making good progress skill wise. He agrees the change needed to happen (even though he fought us on it at the time). |
Anonymous
| We have found even with non-parent coaches that these issues persist. We’ve seen organizations throw them out there like they will solve all of these problems because they aren’t parents. But they are often inexperienced and immature. And can be even more influenced by parental pressure. There is no ideal model. Just find the best thing for your kids and emphasize the fun and positives. |
Anonymous
I think for younger kids, the ideal is either club mandated short benches to force a coach's hand or club mandated playing time. |