When A is A but spouse contradicts facts.

[Anonymous]

What do you do? Or say ?

It’s very frustrating and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

[Anonymous]

*who are now young adults and teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

90% of dcum threads: Whine, my DH disagrees with me, whine, blah, blah blah blah, whine. I can't divorce yet because I spend money and it is all his. A little bit more added whining. Then an armchair ASD/ADHD diagnosis (and if the OP is real real mad maybe sub in narcissism or sociopathy for ADHD/ASD). Blah blah whine. I isn't me, it's him. Blah blah. Whine.

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry such a moron? It’s on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

Op here
He just blamed me one something that others in the room saw as well.
It is so bewildering and hurtful, at total loss.
I feel you - as in exact same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

90% of dcum threads: Whine, my DH disagrees with me, whine, blah, blah blah blah, whine. I can't divorce yet because I spend money and it is all his. A little bit more added whining. Then an armchair ASD/ADHD diagnosis (and if the OP is real real mad maybe sub in narcissism or sociopathy for ADHD/ASD). Blah blah whine. I isn't me, it's him. Blah blah. Whine.

A. It's a real diagnosis. He refuses to take meds for the ADHD, despite his son, with the same double diagnosis, doing well on Adderall.
B. Great. Blame the victim.
C. Bless you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry such a moron? It’s on you.

Because men like this don't show it when you're dating and getting married. It's the pressure of growing professional responsibilities, maintaining a larger household and parenting children, that pushes them over the edge. Unlike average humans with better executive functioning and socio-emotional coping skills, they don't have as much bandwidth to begin with, but when you meet them when they're carefree bachelors, those handicaps are not visible... yet.

- I wish I didn't know all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry such a moron? It’s on you.

Because men like this don't show it when you're dating and getting married. It's the pressure of growing professional responsibilities, maintaining a larger household and parenting children, that pushes them over the edge. Unlike average humans with better executive functioning and socio-emotional coping skills, they don't have as much bandwidth to begin with, but when you meet them when they're carefree bachelors, those handicaps are not visible... yet.

- I wish I didn't know all that.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Because men like this don't show it when you're dating and getting married.

Age you began dating:
Age you got married:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

90% of dcum threads: Whine, my DH disagrees with me, whine, blah, blah blah blah, whine. I can't divorce yet because I spend money and it is all his. A little bit more added whining. Then an armchair ASD/ADHD diagnosis (and if the OP is real real mad maybe sub in narcissism or sociopathy for ADHD/ASD). Blah blah whine. I isn't me, it's him. Blah blah. Whine.

A. It's a real diagnosis. He refuses to take meds for the ADHD, despite his son, with the same double diagnosis, doing well on Adderall.
B. Great. Blame the victim.
C. Bless you.

OMG. I'm so sorry.

I left that part out! I should have included the "I"m a victim!!!" part. PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do? Or say ?

It’s very frustrating and hurtful.

Tell them to go get a brain scan.


But seriously, it is hurtful. And likely deliberate, a power and control move, bc it destabilizes you, the target.

Start recording everything, keep a log book, go over it with a therapist and determine the patterns of lying, omitting, gaslighting. Then decide if you want to keep living with that or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

Same. Can’t believe anything he says. Nor rely on him.

It’s not the adhd/asd that does this, it’s the maladaptive coping methods he self-developed (lying, omitting, gaslighting, rewriting the narrative)

Their perceptions are often @$$ backwards.

And don’t get me started on how stubborn and oppositional they are with any suggestions or questions. They’d rather start a 10 minute argument than answer a question about how the dog got out (they left the door open- but why apologize for that when you can argue and attack the other adult!?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do? Or say ?

It’s very frustrating and hurtful.

Tell them to go get a brain scan.


But seriously, it is hurtful. And likely deliberate, a power and control move, bc it destabilizes you, the target.

Start recording everything, keep a log book, go over it with a therapist and determine the patterns of lying, omitting, gaslighting. Then decide if you want to keep living with that or not.

Op here
Thats a good idea- I will keep a log book.

[Anonymous]

A secret logbook. Like an app on your phone, locked or only keep a notebook at work and add a loose page if you write it at home.