When A is A but spouse contradicts facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

90% of dcum threads: Whine, my DH disagrees with me, whine, blah, blah blah blah, whine. I can't divorce yet because I spend money and it is all his. A little bit more added whining. Then an armchair ASD/ADHD diagnosis (and if the OP is real real mad maybe sub in narcissism or sociopathy for ADHD/ASD). Blah blah whine. I isn't me, it's him. Blah blah. Whine.

A. It's a real diagnosis. He refuses to take meds for the ADHD, despite his son, with the same double diagnosis, doing well on Adderall.
B. Great. Blame the victim.
C. Bless you.

Ok. Name some things you are doing wrong in the marriage. I bet you can't come up with even one. Just pop your antidepressants and shut up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry such a moron? It’s on you.

DP. I married him because I was in love with him. He is funny and smart and we have a lot of the same interests. We both wanted kids and had similar goals for the future.

We would fight about this stuff, but not that often, and he generally came around. Looking back, I should have known it would get worse, but at the time I thought it would get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

90% of dcum threads: Whine, my DH disagrees with me, whine, blah, blah blah blah, whine. I can't divorce yet because I spend money and it is all his. A little bit more added whining. Then an armchair ASD/ADHD diagnosis (and if the OP is real real mad maybe sub in narcissism or sociopathy for ADHD/ASD). Blah blah whine. I isn't me, it's him. Blah blah. Whine.

+1 This made me laugh because it’s so true.

[Anonymous]

Op I feel you my dh is like this its like wtf I try to show him facts if I can he still continues this bs. something isn't right with him and I can't deal with this much longer. I'm so tired and worn out.

And to ever said you married him they don't show you their crazy until after and I didn't live with my dh until we got married. Big mistake.

[Anonymous]

Op here
They definitely dont show it when dating plus plus everything is new and intriguing and oh “so in love. “
Forward 20 years the frustration of work / responsibilities pile on and its a different person altogther.
The snappiness for no solid reason is mind boggling not to mention distorting FACTS and being snappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here
They definitely dont show it when dating plus plus everything is new and intriguing and oh “so in love. “
Forward 20 years the frustration of work / responsibilities pile on and its a different person altogther.
The snappiness for no solid reason is mind boggling not to mention distorting FACTS and being snappy.

Question when you fight does he also say you said things you didn't say? Does he often disagree with you? Gaslight you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry such a moron? It’s on you.

Because men like this don't show it when you're dating and getting married. It's the pressure of growing professional responsibilities, maintaining a larger household and parenting children, that pushes them over the edge. Unlike average humans with better executive functioning and socio-emotional coping skills, they don't have as much bandwidth to begin with, but when you meet them when they're carefree bachelors, those handicaps are not visible... yet.

- I wish I didn't know all that.

In other words they can't handle paying your bills and also being your parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

90% of dcum threads: Whine, my DH disagrees with me, whine, blah, blah blah blah, whine. I can't divorce yet because I spend money and it is all his. A little bit more added whining. Then an armchair ASD/ADHD diagnosis (and if the OP is real real mad maybe sub in narcissism or sociopathy for ADHD/ASD). Blah blah whine. I isn't me, it's him. Blah blah. Whine.

A. It's a real diagnosis. He refuses to take meds for the ADHD, despite his son, with the same double diagnosis, doing well on Adderall.
B. Great. Blame the victim.
C. Bless you.

Ok. Name some things you are doing wrong in the marriage. I bet you can't come up with even one. Just pop your antidepressants and shut up

Women deserve wide latitude in relationships. It’s the men who are perpetuating the patriarchy who need to do the hard work of improving. Their learned behaviors that are passed on through generations of men are the force oppressing women. Women can’t be at fault until the injustices are rectified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry such a moron? It’s on you.

Because men like this don't show it when you're dating and getting married. It's the pressure of growing professional responsibilities, maintaining a larger household and parenting children, that pushes them over the edge. Unlike average humans with better executive functioning and socio-emotional coping skills, they don't have as much bandwidth to begin with, but when you meet them when they're carefree bachelors, those handicaps are not visible... yet.

- I wish I didn't know all that.

In other words they can't handle paying your bills and also being your parent.

Who are you referring to? The male?

If so they yes they cannot handle their job plus being a spouse. They most definitely are not “parenting their wife.” They are neglecting and ignoring their home, property, wife and kids.

They don’t grow or adapt as people to being married, having a spouse, nor actually raising children. They just focus on themselves and not changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have emotionally detached entirely, after years of feeling completely gaslighted. I' tried everything. Even when my kids, who are not young adults and teens, tell him that he's wrong (he said or did X instead of Y, as he claims), he persists. I guess he lies to himself.

Whether I manage to divorce remains to be seen, because I don't have the finances yet.

My husband has an ASD/ADHD profile. Not everyone who has that behaves in this way (my son has it, and is as sweet and honest as can be). But I've known others with this profile who did the same thing, so this tendency to rewrite history or have irrational tendencies may be more common with that sort of brain.

Op here
He just blamed me one something that others in the room saw as well.
It is so bewildering and hurtful, at total loss.
I feel you - as in exact same boat.

Sounds like real mental disorders.

Or maybe he’s a pathological liar. And did this when a child to never take responsibility and just keeps doing it, as it works. Until the pattern emerges with one person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry such a moron? It’s on you.

Because men like this don't show it when you're dating and getting married. It's the pressure of growing professional responsibilities, maintaining a larger household and parenting children, that pushes them over the edge. Unlike average humans with better executive functioning and socio-emotional coping skills, they don't have as much bandwidth to begin with, but when you meet them when they're carefree bachelors, those handicaps are not visible... yet.

- I wish I didn't know all that.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Why do you continue to argue with him? Why do you even converse with him? Do you actually think it is going to change? Newsflash! He will not change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you continue to argue with him? Why do you even converse with him? Do you actually think it is going to change? Newsflash! He will not change.

Exactly. Just don’t talk to him, ask anything of him, or ask him any questions about what happened ever.
Just like he wants!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here
They definitely dont show it when dating plus plus everything is new and intriguing and oh “so in love. “
Forward 20 years the frustration of work / responsibilities pile on and its a different person altogther.
The snappiness for no solid reason is mind boggling not to mention distorting FACTS and being snappy.

Question when you fight does he also say you said things you didn't say? Does he often disagree with you? Gaslight you?

I would like to know this too, does this happen in all situations? Do you have examples?

Call him out on his bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here
They definitely dont show it when dating plus plus everything is new and intriguing and oh “so in love. “
Forward 20 years the frustration of work / responsibilities pile on and its a different person altogther.
The snappiness for no solid reason is mind boggling not to mention distorting FACTS and being snappy.

Question when you fight does he also say you said things you didn't say? Does he often disagree with you? Gaslight you?

I would like to know this too, does this happen in all situations? Do you have examples?

Call him out on his bs.

That’ll be a fun long twisted argument. It will end with him accusing you of being crazy. And guess what, he will make you crazy.