Strivers — this is what you are up against

[Anonymous]

I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

[Anonymous]

plenty of non legacy kids make it too along with 20% pell grant kids

[Anonymous]

I get it. I am really proud that my immigrant DH and I both managed to get into an Ivy from regular public schools and middle class backgrounds. And really proud that we could buy a teeny family house in an ok part of a neighborhood near a fancy neighborhood in a big city.

My DD came home from her private school one day and asked why her classmate lives in such a big house and why we don’t live on the same nice block by the water like her if her mom went to the same college as us. And I explained that the girl’s great-grandparents already lived in that house and were doctors when our family didn’t even live in this country yet and/or had started working in a factory as 13 year olds who couldn’t afford to finish middle school. And I reminded her that she has classmates whose parents are currently doing what her grandparents did for DH and I.

Everyone has a different path. Some paths are a bit…smoother.

The only thing wrong with being born with privilege or advantages is pretending like they don’t exist, or when children pretend it’s something they deserve or have earned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

Don't worry. My family is a downwardly mobile version of that Faulkner family because we all love intellectual pursuits more than money, and the MA woolen mill closed due to the rise of cotton in the South, and being carpetbaggers didn't work, and the second wife got all the remaining money, and N father went into the ministry, and the next one married FGLI for love, etc. etc. Throw Williams, an Ivy x 6, and a fancy prep school in for good measure.

We're all educated and happy and medically better off than royals from any time in history up to the 1950s. We have good, meaningful lives but aren't rich. It's honestly o.k.

So my kid might see your kid at a state flagship! They'll make great friends. And on that note, I think two things that are really important to success are:

1) Simple knowledge of opportunities and how to get them. As well as who might fund them for you if you can't pay. The Internet is the inside contact your ancestors never had!

2) Good EQ. My family is thinky, blunt, and not extroverted enough to be successful in today's economy. It must have been a tremendous advantage to be college educated in the 1800s. Today, not much at all. So cultivate people skills as well as academic skills.

[Anonymous]

Big deal. They just started earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big deal. They just started earlier.

With a lot of money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big deal. They just started earlier.

With a lot of money

for a niche sport.

Who cares.
Not interested in riding speed bicycle for a career

[Anonymous]

Damn OP, you didn’t have to ruin the strivers’ weekend like that.

[Anonymous]

That is life, OP.

[Anonymous]

I’m from an immigrant family (2nd generation) and wouldn’t trade our “striver” life for the perks of being more “established”. Everyone has their struggles- they just take on different forms in different milieus. Something l picked up on at my highly selective private college. When my kid went off to their highly selective private college, I warned them that they’ll encounter a lot of privilege there but that doesn’t mean that their own life is lacking or that the privileged “established” classmates’ lives are perfect.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean “up against?” It’s precisely such students that draw the strivers to these colleges like moths to a flame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big deal. They just started earlier.

With a lot of money

That the family made. OP, why are you stressing about a family you don't even know? All of you T20 or bust people are so narrow minded and pathetic. I feel sorry for your kids.

[Anonymous]

LOL a rich White kid with a niche sport.
Big deal
Asians have already cracked that code long time ago

https://gocrimson.com/sports/womens-fencing/roster
https://gocrimson.com/sports/womens-golf/roster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I am really proud that my immigrant DH and I both managed to get into an Ivy from regular public schools and middle class backgrounds. And really proud that we could buy a teeny family house in an ok part of a neighborhood near a fancy neighborhood in a big city.

My DD came home from her private school one day and asked why her classmate lives in such a big house and why we don’t live on the same nice block by the water like her if her mom went to the same college as us. And I explained that the girl’s great-grandparents already lived in that house and were doctors when our family didn’t even live in this country yet and/or had started working in a factory as 13 year olds who couldn’t afford to finish middle school. And I reminded her that she has classmates whose parents are currently doing what her grandparents did for DH and I.

Everyone has a different path. Some paths are a bit…smoother.

The only thing wrong with being born with privilege or advantages is pretending like they don’t exist, or when children pretend it’s something they deserve or have earned.

This is a lovely and thoughtful post, thank you.

My parents were poor and didn't go to college, but they were strivers for me and siblings, who all have graduate degrees from state flagships. I want my kid to do well, of course, but am trying to focus on her emotional health too and as a result she may have fewer "achievements" than I did - no plans for Ivy here, and certainly not an Olympian. It's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL a rich White kid with a niche sport.
Big deal
Asians have already cracked that code long time ago

https://gocrimson.com/sports/womens-fencing/roster
https://gocrimson.com/sports/womens-golf/roster

Touche!