Strivers — this is what you are up against

[Anonymous]

My dad was poor but got a graduate degree—prep school on scholarship, all education on merit because he was so smart.

We all attended state schools and the brand new build he bought in this area in the 70s was his pride. My husband was also poor -went to a T10 on Pell Grant.

My kid is an Ivy this year. Private HS for both kids. We own 2 homes million+ each.

We leveled up each generation- but got a later start doing it. We don’t strive- just giving our kids opportunities we didn’t have. Never did all the tutoring, counseling, etc. Not Tiger parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents didn’t graduate high school. Dad was a cop. I went to a mediocre K-12, graduated magna cum laude from an Ivy, and am now a c-suite exec. Lack of generational wealth has actually been a tremendous motivator for me because there’s nothing to fall back on.

100% ^^ THIS

[Anonymous]

This post would have been more relevant in 1955 when that is basically who was accepted to Harvard (did they admit female in 1955?).

Maybe you can send this thread through a wormhole and it will appear in a 1955 newsletter.

[Anonymous]

OP, the only the only thing surprising is that you seem to believe that our society is meritocratic.

[Anonymous]

OP don't be a victim. My husband and I paid our own way through college... No loans + no parental support. Someone state university. Grew up with 8 kids in my family. First job at age 12. One Christmas present/ maybe a birthday present. No out to eat..no vacaations. Our kid was recruited to row at HYP. It can be done. Not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

What is N-grandfather?

[Anonymous]

As a “striver” at an SLAC 30+ years ago, I almost felt like we “strivers” had more freedom to fashion our college experience because it was a new set of experiences for our families and for us. Whereas the “established” students had to deal with expectations going back several generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

So. People like her yes go to Harvard. I know nothing of her family money but most families like hers have long spent all the money.

You seem like the exact right competition. The job of someone going there is to get a good education, learn to adult, find your path and your code, and make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

Wrong, You’re not in that game OP. You’re not even on the playing field. What you need to create is the first generation of the 1842 great grandfather, in your own lineage. Middle class beliefs = middle class actions and behaviors. The first in your family to believe and achieve differently is the game changer for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

Wrong, You’re not in that game OP. You’re not even on the playing field. What you need to create is the first generation of the 1842 great grandfather, in your own lineage. Middle class beliefs = middle class actions and behaviors. The first in your family to believe and achieve differently is the game changer for your family.

+1 her story inspires me bc it means my efforts today can create generational wealth for my descendants

[Anonymous]

True pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

What is N-grandfather?

Agree. This thread should be reported for racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

Don't worry. My family is a downwardly mobile version of that Faulkner family because we all love intellectual pursuits more than money, and the MA woolen mill closed due to the rise of cotton in the South, and being carpetbaggers didn't work, and the second wife got all the remaining money, and N father went into the ministry, and the next one married FGLI for love, etc. etc. Throw Williams, an Ivy x 6, and a fancy prep school in for good measure.

We're all educated and happy and medically better off than royals from any time in history up to the 1950s. We have good, meaningful lives but aren't rich. It's honestly o.k.

So my kid might see your kid at a state flagship! They'll make great friends. And on that note, I think two things that are really important to success are:

1) Simple knowledge of opportunities and how to get them. As well as who might fund them for you if you can't pay. The Internet is the inside contact your ancestors never had!

2) Good EQ. My family is thinky, blunt, and not extroverted enough to be successful in today's economy. It must have been a tremendous advantage to be college educated in the 1800s. Today, not much at all. So cultivate people skills as well as academic skills.

Some people don't want a job where they have to EQ all day long. I'm a techie. I much preferred taking the technical path and didn't want to have to "manage" large groups of people as part of my job (much beyond being a team leader on a project). My partner had more aspirations. Either path is good---you have to be happy with what you do, money isn't everyting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading about Olympian Kristen Faulkner, who went to Philips Exeter, than Harvard for CS major and competing in crew etc. then of course the Olympics, and all that entails.

I was curious about how she achieved so much, and if you read up on her family history, they ALL went to Philips and Harvard, going back to 1842. Her N-grandfather started a mill, and his sons went to Harvard and ran banks, and real estate development. It goes on for generation to generation.

https://keenenh.gov/sites/default/files/bioAH.pdf

I have hopes for my kids to do well in life, but we are barely middle class and my grandfather couldn’t read, and this is their competition. Oh and AI.

Wrong, You’re not in that game OP. You’re not even on the playing field. What you need to create is the first generation of the 1842 great grandfather, in your own lineage. Middle class beliefs = middle class actions and behaviors. The first in your family to believe and achieve differently is the game changer for your family.

+1 Former pell-grant kid who went to a T10, married a similar kid and have begun to create generational wealth for ours. Sending them to ivies to give them the most open doors so they can chase their own dreams to the highest level they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I am really proud that my immigrant DH and I both managed to get into an Ivy from regular public schools and middle class backgrounds. And really proud that we could buy a teeny family house in an ok part of a neighborhood near a fancy neighborhood in a big city.

My DD came home from her private school one day and asked why her classmate lives in such a big house and why we don’t live on the same nice block by the water like her if her mom went to the same college as us. And I explained that the girl’s great-grandparents already lived in that house and were doctors when our family didn’t even live in this country yet and/or had started working in a factory as 13 year olds who couldn’t afford to finish middle school. And I reminded her that she has classmates whose parents are currently doing what her grandparents did for DH and I.

Everyone has a different path. Some paths are a bit…smoother.

The only thing wrong with being born with privilege or advantages is pretending like they don’t exist, or when children pretend it’s something they deserve or have earned.

This is a lovely and thoughtful post, thank you.

My parents were poor and didn't go to college, but they were strivers for me and siblings, who all have graduate degrees from state flagships. I want my kid to do well, of course, but am trying to focus on her emotional health too and as a result she may have fewer "achievements" than I did - no plans for Ivy here, and certainly not an Olympian. It's ok.

Life is about being happy. A smart person will go far, no matter what college they attend. We chose to allow our kids to have a Happy HS time, and pick the best fit for them college. It's worked out well. One wasn't T30 material and happily knew that--they knew college was needed to get a decent job as they are not Trade school interested. But they were happy to graduate college and get into the work force and not have to deal with academia anymore. They are doing well and we always knew they would once they got a degree (any degree really).
The other tried for T25 schools, but was rejected or WL at them (R at one, WL at 2). SO they are at a T40 and loving it. They are also happy their HS path was of their own choosing. They took 7 STEM AP and AP Psych. Skipped the rest of the Humanities/LA AP for their sanity and the desire to get at least 5 hours of sleep during HS, and to spend 20+ hours a week dancing as their focus. We also let them drop Spanish after year 3 (Spanish 4 was same time as Band so it wouldn't work and the AP Spanish teacher was terrible--my kid had them for Spanish 2 and no way in hell were they going to attempt AP Spanish with a teacher who could not teach). Those decisions may have prevented them getting into a T25 (no APUSH, no AP Eng, No AP FL) but my kid doesn't regret it.