I cannot help but feel frustrated with friends who act so bent out of shape when they have to help their elderly parents

[Anonymous]

My father passed recently and my mother died when I was young.

Their complaining strikes me as selfish and tone deaf

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your losses. They don’t make what other people go through less painful or legitimate. It’s not the Olympics of grief. I don’t dispute that people who know you and know this about you might want to vent to someone else than you, but they should be able to vent nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

My dad died recently too and we are managing DHs dad declining health and memory. I get where you are coming from because I miss my dad terribly That being said, what we are going through with my FIL is a different type of difficult.

[Anonymous]

In the Suffering Olympics, you're never going to win, OP. You're well enough to vent on DCUM, after all.

Helping out your elders, out of a sense of duty, even if they've shown themselves to be neglectful or abusive parents, is very difficult indeed. You never know what relationship eddies and undercurrents other people have to navigate.

Stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the Suffering Olympics, you're never going to win, OP. You're well enough to vent on DCUM, after all.

Helping out your elders, out of a sense of duty, even if they've shown themselves to be neglectful or abusive parents, is very difficult indeed. You never know what relationship eddies and undercurrents other people have to navigate.

Stay in your lane.

Stay in your lane is generally a dumb lazy comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the Suffering Olympics, you're never going to win, OP. You're well enough to vent on DCUM, after all.

Helping out your elders, out of a sense of duty, even if they've shown themselves to be neglectful or abusive parents, is very difficult indeed. You never know what relationship eddies and undercurrents other people have to navigate.

Stay in your lane.

Stay in your lane is generally a dumb lazy comment

Not this time, after I explained why she needed to stay in her lane. But your comment absolutely is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your losses. They don’t make what other people go through less painful or legitimate. It’s not the Olympics of grief. I don’t dispute that people who know you and know this about you might want to vent to someone else than you, but they should be able to vent nonetheless.

Weird that multiple posters use the term ‘Olympics’. But anyway that’s not the issue- they’re not grieving or sad. They’re bothered that they have to be hassled dealing with unseemly and inconvenient elder care issues when they should be relaxing, going on vacations, enjoying themselves, etc. Grief I would appreciate. Selfishness I do not understand. They’re your parents and no, these parents were not abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the Suffering Olympics, you're never going to win, OP. You're well enough to vent on DCUM, after all.

Helping out your elders, out of a sense of duty, even if they've shown themselves to be neglectful or abusive parents, is very difficult indeed. You never know what relationship eddies and undercurrents other people have to navigate.

Stay in your lane.

Stay in your lane is generally a dumb lazy comment

Not this time, after I explained why she needed to stay in her lane. But your comment absolutely is!

No idea what you’re trying to say. I suspect you don’t know either. But in any event, it’s not important. It’s a dumb lazy comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father passed recently and my mother died when I was young.

Their complaining strikes me as selfish and tone deaf

I get it. I lost my parents early, now dealing with dhs parents issues and it makes me miss my parents a great deal

[Anonymous]

I agree. I stayed by my dad’s side the last days of his life, and it was the greatest gift given to me. I wish I had been more helpful while he was alive.

I realized people that age are often stoic. They’re prideful. They don’t want to bother us.

But they’re truly in need. They’re vulnerable, the world is confusing, they’re locked out of so much because they’re not tech savvy. I have so much sympathy for the elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I stayed by my dad’s side the last days of his life, and it was the greatest gift given to me. I wish I had been more helpful while he was alive.

I realized people that age are often stoic. They’re prideful. They don’t want to bother us.

But they’re truly in need. They’re vulnerable, the world is confusing, they’re locked out of so much because they’re not tech savvy. I have so much sympathy for the elderly.

This this this.

[Anonymous]

You are fortunate to have parents who loved you and were kind to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father passed recently and my mother died when I was young.

Their complaining strikes me as selfish and tone deaf

I'm sorry for your loss.

I know you are grieving.

One day you'll back on your post and cringe a little about how you lashed out in bitterness. It's OK. No one is perfect when in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Try doing it for 15+ years when there are extreme mental health issues, near constant verbal abuse and occasionally physical abuse. Not everyone spills the darker side of eldercare.

[Anonymous]

My best friend died when I was young. It's tacky to anonymous badmouth your friends who are venting to you.