Spouse won’t stop talking about DS’s sport

[Anonymous]

We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He’s excited. How old is this kid? If he’s close to 16 then your husband is correct to prioritize this now. If he’s still really young, maybe validate your husband’s excitement while encouraging him to chill out for awhile.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. That’s frustrating, and you are definitely correct to feel that the behavior is over the top, embarrassing, and potentially will harm your obsessive spouse’s relationship with all the kids, even the phenom.

One of our kids is an excellent athlete and now plays and starts at a top D1 program. It is often fun and exciting to see your kids do so well, but parents have to remember that they are separate beings from their children. My MIL and FIL do the exact same thing as your spouse, always scouring the internet for stories about DC, wanting to dissect every play of every game, even disparaging DC’s teammates for not getting DC the ball enough. It’s ridiculous, and we don’t engage. When we see family friends, they always mention that the in-laws keep them updated on DC’s every move, but don’t talk about our other kids. I want to shake some sense into them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That’s frustrating, and you are definitely correct to feel that the behavior is over the top, embarrassing, and potentially will harm your obsessive spouse’s relationship with all the kids, even the phenom.

One of our kids is an excellent athlete and now plays and starts at a top D1 program. It is often fun and exciting to see your kids do so well, but parents have to remember that they are separate beings from their children. My MIL and FIL do the exact same thing as your spouse, always scouring the internet for stories about DC, wanting to dissect every play of every game, even disparaging DC’s teammates for not getting DC the ball enough. It’s ridiculous, and we don’t engage. When we see family friends, they always mention that the in-laws keep them updated on DC’s every move, but don’t talk about our other kids. I want to shake some sense into them.

Send them the cell phone of the head coach. I am sure that person would love to receive texts from them. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

How old is this kid? While on the one hand, I understand how crazy your spouse may seem...on the other hand, if your kid wants to play D1 sports and you have legitimate reason to believe they can, the recruiting process is crazy, time consuming and kind of takes a village to be successful. The only exceptions are the superstar athletes where D1 offers are handed out like candy.

At 15...that's when things start getting real and you pay attention, because at 16 the colleges start handing out offers and it can move quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That’s frustrating, and you are definitely correct to feel that the behavior is over the top, embarrassing, and potentially will harm your obsessive spouse’s relationship with all the kids, even the phenom.

One of our kids is an excellent athlete and now plays and starts at a top D1 program. It is often fun and exciting to see your kids do so well, but parents have to remember that they are separate beings from their children. My MIL and FIL do the exact same thing as your spouse, always scouring the internet for stories about DC, wanting to dissect every play of every game, even disparaging DC’s teammates for not getting DC the ball enough. It’s ridiculous, and we don’t engage. When we see family friends, they always mention that the in-laws keep them updated on DC’s every move, but don’t talk about our other kids. I want to shake some sense into them.

Send them the cell phone of the head coach. I am sure that person would love to receive texts from them. .

+1
Excellent idea! They need to be heard.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a completely unsupportive, insecure, PITA spouse.

Get help.

[Anonymous]

The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is looking at a professional or semi-pro career, then it is a full-time job to get them the best coaching and training, get them strategically noticed, know who's who, talk with the right people, be aware of the competition, etc.

It's the same for professional music as well. My daughter is a classical violinist and if she were interested in making it into a high-level career, I'd be doing that job right now. Her music teacher has offered to help numerous times and is disappointed she's not interested.

On the other hand, if your spouse is just wasting his time with the extraneous fluff instead of actively furthering your son's interests... I understand you and your other kids are frustrated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That’s frustrating, and you are definitely correct to feel that the behavior is over the top, embarrassing, and potentially will harm your obsessive spouse’s relationship with all the kids, even the phenom.

One of our kids is an excellent athlete and now plays and starts at a top D1 program. It is often fun and exciting to see your kids do so well, but parents have to remember that they are separate beings from their children. My MIL and FIL do the exact same thing as your spouse, always scouring the internet for stories about DC, wanting to dissect every play of every game, even disparaging DC’s teammates for not getting DC the ball enough. It’s ridiculous, and we don’t engage. When we see family friends, they always mention that the in-laws keep them updated on DC’s every move, but don’t talk about our other kids. I want to shake some sense into them.

Send them the cell phone of the head coach. I am sure that person would love to receive texts from them. .

+1
Excellent idea! They need to be heard.

Haha. I’m just happy DC plays too far away for them to easily travel to games. Once, at a showcase, FIL was leaning so far to one side to try to eavesdrop on a conversation DC was having with a coach, he fell over and would have crashed right into them had DH not caught him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

This^^^

Teach your kids to celebrate each other not get jealous over their successes.