Spouse won’t stop talking about DS’s sport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Warn your DH that he may inadvertently make the kid less excited about their sport.

I was a little like this with my very talented DS. Not as bad as what OP describes, but definitely too focused on the sport and while I tried not to put pressure on DS, I talked about the sport, practice, his potential, etc. way too much around him. I was just so proud of him and excited that I lost perspective that he was just a kid and the sport should be about having fun!

He ended up quitting. There were valid reasons why that had nothing to do with me (like injuries, intense practice hours), but honestly, I'm sure my fixation on it contributed a lot. I made it less fun for him and I hate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He’s excited. How old is this kid? If he’s close to 16 then your husband is correct to prioritize this now. If he’s still really young, maybe validate your husband’s excitement while encouraging him to chill out for awhile.

DP. It’s fine to be excited about your kid’s success and proud of them, and of course you will need to put in a lot of time and attention during recruiting years to help them navigate the process. That’s a far cry from obsessing about the kid and talking about them and the D1 dream non-stop. That kind of parent behavior is not good for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

DP

Yes, some parents are delusional. Other parents are confident. Still others are cautiously optimistic. Who cares?

Should parents discourage their smart kids from studying unless they are 100% guaranteed to get into an Ivy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He’s excited. How old is this kid? If he’s close to 16 then your husband is correct to prioritize this now. If he’s still really young, maybe validate your husband’s excitement while encouraging him to chill out for awhile.

DP. It’s fine to be excited about your kid’s success and proud of them, and of course you will need to put in a lot of time and attention during recruiting years to help them navigate the process. That’s a far cry from obsessing about the kid and talking about them and the D1 dream non-stop. That kind of parent behavior is not good for anyone.

Are you serious? Obviously OP is exaggerating. Have you ever read this board or even talked to anyone who is married before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

DP

Yes, some parents are delusional. Other parents are confident. Still others are cautiously optimistic. Who cares?

Should parents discourage their smart kids from studying unless they are 100% guaranteed to get into an Ivy?

Yes, parents should discourage their kid from fixating on an Ivy-league school if they have a B average...which is different from saying they should stop studying and give up on attending college in general.

Yes, parents should tell their kid that throws low-80s that in fact they should not be fixated on a D1 offer that will never happen. Either decide you want to attend a D1 school and play club or adjust your college expectations. That doesn't mean you quit baseball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

I have 1 kid who is a pro, 2 D1.

Just like every kid on his top 10 D1 team knew pro was possible not gonna happen, the kids on his top national team also knew D1 might not happen and 1 kid on his team was the #1 recruit and 1st round draft pick., some were never recruited D1, some went D1 and washed out, some got injuries… kids know all this you don’t give them enough credit,

Doesn’t mean they aren’t disappointed but being disappointed is part of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

DP

Yes, some parents are delusional. Other parents are confident. Still others are cautiously optimistic. Who cares?

Should parents discourage their smart kids from studying unless they are 100% guaranteed to get into an Ivy?

Yes, parents should discourage their kid from fixating on an Ivy-league school if they have a B average...which is different from saying they should stop studying and give up on attending college in general.

Yes, parents should tell their kid that throws low-80s that in fact they should not be fixated on a D1 offer that will never happen. Either decide you want to attend a D1 school and play club or adjust your college expectations. That doesn't mean you quit baseball.

I am not going to name the school lol but it's Top 8. I played in div 1 and at least 3 of my teammates were low Bs kids in high school.

[Anonymous]

Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

DP

Yes, some parents are delusional. Other parents are confident. Still others are cautiously optimistic. Who cares?

Should parents discourage their smart kids from studying unless they are 100% guaranteed to get into an Ivy?

Yes, parents should discourage their kid from fixating on an Ivy-league school if they have a B average...which is different from saying they should stop studying and give up on attending college in general.

Yes, parents should tell their kid that throws low-80s that in fact they should not be fixated on a D1 offer that will never happen. Either decide you want to attend a D1 school and play club or adjust your college expectations. That doesn't mean you quit baseball.

I am not going to name the school lol but it's Top 8. I played in div 1 and at least 3 of my teammates were low Bs kids in high school.

They were referring to a non-athlete getting a B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He’s excited. How old is this kid? If he’s close to 16 then your husband is correct to prioritize this now. If he’s still really young, maybe validate your husband’s excitement while encouraging him to chill out for awhile.

Agree

What’s the kids age?

Anything can happen ages 10-14, then things get serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

Got it...never understand why people who originate threads leave out important details. This post is a much better post than your original.

If my kid had an agent (sounds like what you describe) doing all the legwork, I wouldn't obsess much either. Only reason many of us parents obsess is because the recruiting process can be so arbitrary and painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bigger concern is if your kid is actually not legitimately a D1-caliber athlete.

That places tons of stress on the kid thinking they aren't good enough.

Hopefully, there is good reason to believe that your kid is D1 material...either because they play on a top-tier club team that sends lots of kids D1 or a coach you know to be knowledgeable and honest has told you so.

That isn’t really a “big concern”.

Every athlete knows something can happen to make the D1 offer not happen.

It’s also why companies like to hire athletes, they handle stress well, disappointment, getting over hard times like injury, etc.

I don't know what you are talking about. There are tons of parents of athletes who have zero chance at a D1 offer...yet they talk as though somehow, some way it can happen because they read about some random kid (with zero insight or knowledge on that kid) that in some slight way resembles their kid and they received a D1 offer. I don't try to spend much time with those families because it's sad and you can see the disfunction.

That's a far cry from something can happen (i.e., an injury?) to make the D1 offer not happen...like a kid we know that was on the cusp of a Power 4 baseball offer but now needs Tommy John surgery.

Every non athletic family thinks all the athletic stuff is “dysfunction”.

Of course the kid knows they might not get recruited.

My kid is a recruited athlete who will be playing in college. He plays on a national travel team with one kid who will likely be a 1st or 2nd round MLB pick.

I speak from experience, which seems like more than can be said for you. The delusion for parents and kids is very real and unhealthy.

DP

Yes, some parents are delusional. Other parents are confident. Still others are cautiously optimistic. Who cares?

Should parents discourage their smart kids from studying unless they are 100% guaranteed to get into an Ivy?

Yes, parents should discourage their kid from fixating on an Ivy-league school if they have a B average...which is different from saying they should stop studying and give up on attending college in general.

Yes, parents should tell their kid that throws low-80s that in fact they should not be fixated on a D1 offer that will never happen. Either decide you want to attend a D1 school and play club or adjust your college expectations. That doesn't mean you quit baseball.

I am not going to name the school lol but it's Top 8. I played in div 1 and at least 3 of my teammates were low Bs kids in high school.

They were referring to a non-athlete getting a B.

Correct...also Stanford and Duke have no problem recruiting 5 Star athletes with a B average (if one of those happens to be the Top 8 school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Warn your DH that he may inadvertently make the kid less excited about their sport.

I was a little like this with my very talented DS. Not as bad as what OP describes, but definitely too focused on the sport and while I tried not to put pressure on DS, I talked about the sport, practice, his potential, etc. way too much around him. I was just so proud of him and excited that I lost perspective that he was just a kid and the sport should be about having fun!

He ended up quitting. There were valid reasons why that had nothing to do with me (like injuries, intense practice hours), but honestly, I'm sure my fixation on it contributed a lot. I made it less fun for him and I hate that.

In the other hand a VAST majority of D1 athletes at top programs (not 150 no name programs) were taking their sport and health very seriously from a young age.
In the best programs, best coaches beat diet & nutrition, best conditioning training, best recruiting strategy.
This takes time, effort and knowledge from the parents, kid, coaches, sometimes school.

There’s a reason most professional athletes and top D1 athletes also had professional al athlete or D1 athlete parent (s).

They know the drill. They know potential. They know what it takes, and they do push their kid to reach their athletic potential.

No one is sitting around passive and thinking “oh maybe good stuff will just happen to us.”