Spouse won’t stop talking about DS’s sport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

Is this Op? Not clear.

Seriously. How old is your kid, since he has had an advisor since 10th grade. I would have thought he would be committed since it sounds like he is a senior. Yes, I don't get why your husband is obsessing over kids' commits. Sounds insecure.

Why would you rewrite your OP like this, later?

Is this a troll post?

[Anonymous]

I think it is strange that your husband is focusing on other kids' commits. Seems insecure to me. He should focus on his own kid's journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14 years son is a ranked fencer. I don't have any expectations for him to get a D1 scholarship. In fact the likelihood is around 1% to be honest. Fencing at the competitive level is very expensive and not a good return on investment if you want your child to get a sports scholarship. If your child is an athlete and you obsessively want them to get a D1 scholarship and they are talented then go for baseball basketball or football.

I never put pressure on my son. There are kids at his club who invest 5 times in terms of money and other efforts and yet they have achieved far less than my son..these teens look stressed. Their parents look stressed. It's depressing to watch.

My son loves fencing and he started doing for fun and the results came along. His coach wants him to train and more and harder but I have put a stop to it. If he gets to 16 or so and he chooses to then fine. Otherwise he should enjoy his childhood and be a kid.

Some parents are just crazy when it comes to sports. And very often these parents are failed athletes themselves or just delusional. I was a soccer player and had a 4 years scholarship to play in college. I wanted my son to play a soccer as well. But he hated it so much and I just let it be.

Please please don't force any sports and put any pressure on your child. If they are talented everything will happens naturally. They will be hungry for excellence themselves.

Agree on all:
1- many parents throw tons of money and training at mediocre athlete kids
2- give him good training and coaches and let him lead
3- let him decide his fencing goals at age 15+, you back them up.

Unf for OP they are at step 3 or 4 already so the above is irrelevant. OPs kid is doing a Match Day to college programs, coaches and positions. Supposedly for the leftovers since he matched as a junior, said NO to everything, then got injured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is strange that your husband is focusing on other kids' commits. Seems insecure to me. He should focus on his own kid's journey.

Maybe your kid plays a different sport or something with tons of spots or turnover but my LAX goalie saw the same 10 national level high school goalies all of sophomore and junior year before signing with his best program summer before senior year.

And we absolutely knew where the other 9 were hoping to go or pushing for. Yea, there was horse trading at that stage (not by parents, by HS and club team coach advocates).

And as you already know, teams don’t need 4,5,6 goalies and certainly not all from the same intake year. So have your own rankings - usually the college, coach, program and culture - ready early.

Same reason UConn took Beukker as a point guard early and then had to subsequently pass on Caitlyn clark a month later. Roster all full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

There is a strange disconnect in this post. I have never heard of a kid who is considered a pro draft pick that literally can't pick up the phone or have their coach pick up the phone and talk to a coach at any college and get them interested nearly immediately. Everyone knows everyone who are 5 Star recruits, so as soon as you say your kid's name they will immediately perk up.

No disconnect. He was committed and supposed to be in college this year, when he did commit he had top programs lining up and committed to one. Had an injury, nothing permanent, but it was a few months out in prime portion of season. That coupled with a coaching change he decommitted. Now that his season is in full swing and his numbers are back where they were pre injury, he is fully back in the recruitment cycle and has assistant coaches and scouts lining up after games to talk to him. Coaches and scouts talk to prior team coaches and scouts and the player, then advisors and once they decide to offer, they will set up a zoom with the parents and player unless the player is near the school, then maybe in person. Moms and dads aren't really involved in this process and parents that are emailing D1 coaches directly are pretty much bat shit crazy. I know a few that have dedicated websites for their kids, with resumes and extensive video they have compiled, they walk around tournaments and showcases handing out business cards with the web address to anyone they think is a scout or coach.

And to clarify, my WIFE is the one that is over obsessing about all of this. I had a call with sons advisor an hour ago, when I brought her up to speed she was literally trying to google info and check player portals and stuff to verify and try and tell him what else he needs to do and has called me multiple times since. She will start no less than 10 more conversations about this with me between today and tonight.

12:55. I agree 100% about all kids getting equal everything from us. And so does the athlete son, he gets annoyed and has to tell my wife to stop talking about the sport and players and all of it because she is nuts about it and sometimes he wants to just talk with his mom about other things. Siblings all get along great and all support each other.

Obviously, if the NCAA D1 national champion is interested....every other school has to be interested. It's confusing.

Who wrote the above krap?

[Anonymous]

If this fake kid is so good why is Op harping about on DCUM in October senior year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

I completely agree with this advice. I was a more talented athlete, and my parent's overfocus on my sport was too much pressure for me. Plus, it had a long-term negative impact on my relationship with my sibling, who felt slighted. You have to teach your kids that a parent's love and support are unconditional, not performance-based.

OP please listen to this person above who has been where your athlete son is now. Your DH is setting up terrible dynamics for the rest of all your kids' lives. You, OP, are the only one in a position to see that, and to intervene. If you don't intervene, well, go back and read the post above and you'll see what happens. This all affects relationships LONG after the athlete's playing career is finished.

OP please don't listen this advice. This is a loser mentality. They believe that everyone should get a trophy.
You have to work hard to achieve success in life.
If your kids are resentful because their sibling is talented, the solution is not to crush that talented kid's dreams.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine wanting to have sex with another human being who is this consumed by athletics performed by teenagers. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

That is too bad. It devalues other types of achievements , and puts your kid under pressure in his own home/family.

And what if he gets injured, and can’t play anymore. How would your husband’s behavior help him put that in perspective?

Is your husband immature? Trying to live through his son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine wanting to have sex with another human being who is this consumed by athletics performed by teenagers. Ugh.

Exactly, Video games and injectables are much more sexually attractive than your spouse helping set your teenager up on a college team that’s best fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is too bad. It devalues other types of achievements , and puts your kid under pressure in his own home/family.

And what if he gets injured, and can’t play anymore. How would your husband’s behavior help him put that in perspective?

Is your husband immature? Trying to live through his son?

Troll already did his 3rd reveal.

Ta dah! Kid was injured! Now is not! Kid is back! Probably a junior or senior! Gets program calls ALL the TImE!

And Op is the dad! It’s the evil Mom helping the coaches and “Agent” get the kid into a college team!

So cool that fake OP had to post about it here. Took them three long posts to change it up a few times in DCUM Troll Fashion.

troll weekend is here in full effect. It’s DCUM troll Go time!

[Anonymous]

More people know the name of the starting QB of whatever team, than a scientist working on cancer research.

The fact is that most fathers in particular would be more hyped to have their kid be a pro-athlete than an egghead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this fake kid is so good why is Op harping about on DCUM in October senior year?

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine wanting to have sex with another human being who is this consumed by athletics performed by teenagers. Ugh.

No time for that, at a three day tourney with the club team. See ya losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love some of the assumptions.

Our son has been recruited by Division 1 schools for 3 years and has open offers that he has not accepted because they are not the right fit of education vs sports experience. Was offered by a team coming off a national championship win, that treats kids like cattle, so he didn’t commit there.

He has had a non paid advisor working on his behalf since 10th grade, who talks to all of the college and professional coaches and does all of the busy work. The advisor represents high level athletes that he expects will play at the pro level and that is when he is compensated. He alone reps almost $90 million in annual contracts, I know this because another agency recently tried to get us to switch to their services. So I expect the Advisor is going to do a pretty solid job for my kid and doesn’t need the parents hyper focusing. We stay involved at the decision level because what is in our son’s best interest involves the education component as well as the going pro component. Where the advisor is only concerned with the best path to pro.

Siblings love brother and are very proud of him and supportive. Both of them are excellent athletes at the local level and are having a great High school experience, which older brother never had because of traveling all the time for sport. It is the morning, noon and night convo from spouse that gets very redundant and painfully annoying, almost at an obsession.

There is a strange disconnect in this post. I have never heard of a kid who is considered a pro draft pick that literally can't pick up the phone or have their coach pick up the phone and talk to a coach at any college and get them interested nearly immediately. Everyone knows everyone who are 5 Star recruits, so as soon as you say your kid's name they will immediately perk up.

No disconnect. He was committed and supposed to be in college this year, when he did commit he had top programs lining up and committed to one. Had an injury, nothing permanent, but it was a few months out in prime portion of season. That coupled with a coaching change he decommitted. Now that his season is in full swing and his numbers are back where they were pre injury, he is fully back in the recruitment cycle and has assistant coaches and scouts lining up after games to talk to him. Coaches and scouts talk to prior team coaches and scouts and the player, then advisors and once they decide to offer, they will set up a zoom with the parents and player unless the player is near the school, then maybe in person. Moms and dads aren't really involved in this process and parents that are emailing D1 coaches directly are pretty much bat shit crazy. I know a few that have dedicated websites for their kids, with resumes and extensive video they have compiled, they walk around tournaments and showcases handing out business cards with the web address to anyone they think is a scout or coach.

And to clarify, my WIFE is the one that is over obsessing about all of this. I had a call with sons advisor an hour ago, when I brought her up to speed she was literally trying to google info and check player portals and stuff to verify and try and tell him what else he needs to do and has called me multiple times since. She will start no less than 10 more conversations about this with me between today and tonight.

12:55. I agree 100% about all kids getting equal everything from us. And so does the athlete son, he gets annoyed and has to tell my wife to stop talking about the sport and players and all of it because she is nuts about it and sometimes he wants to just talk with his mom about other things. Siblings all get along great and all support each other.

Obviously, if the NCAA D1 national champion is interested....every other school has to be interested. It's confusing.

Who wrote the above krap?

Fake OP did