Spouse won’t stop talking about DS’s sport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

Getting into college is a fulltime job.

Doing so plus placing on a D1 team is double that.

Good job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot imagine wanting to have sex with another human being who is this consumed by athletics performed by teenagers. Ugh.

Exactly, Video games and injectables are much more sexually attractive than your spouse helping set your teenager up on a college team that’s best fit.

If that’s what you’re into, I guess, but that’s not our bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this fake kid is so good why is Op harping about on DCUM in October senior year?

A reclass at that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this fake kid is so good why is Op harping about on DCUM in October senior year?

Does seem unlikely. With the portal even D3s are committing in the summer before senior year. Heck, my D3 non-pro-going kid committed over the summer. The D1s have moved on to the next recruitment class already.

[Anonymous]

Np. Wow, you posters are clearly all jealous competitive shrews, trying to tear OP down for a perfectly reasonable concern.

Look in the mirror, sickos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a son that has the potential and likely to play college sport at division 1 level.

My spouse will not stop talking and obsessing about it, like it is a full time job. Checking all the websites and social media posts to see who is committing, what teams need players, who entered the portal and all of this other stuff. It is morning, noon and night. I have said it is too much but am gaslit as if I am not hoping my kid achieves his goals, because I am not obsessing over it constantly.

We have two other kids that are feeling slighted because of this as well.

I guess I am just venting here.

He is doing what is necessary for your son to succeed as an athlete. That's what a parent should do.
Athletes who become extremely successful are often obsess about what they do.
Your two other kids should calm down. Do you want to deny your son a chance to succeed because your two other kids are jealous?

To the OP, you know the post above is from some sports nut, right?

And OP, you are right to be concerned about the impact on your other kids. This PP would have you focus on one kid's 'chance to succeed" at the cost of the two other kids resenting you as parents for the rest of their lives.

The other two kids' goals, talents, and aspirations are every bit as important and valid as the star athlete's goals. The kids need to know this -- and star athlete kid needs to know it too, or he will lose all humility and perspective.

OP, please, you need a talk with your DH when he is NOT about to go to a game, is not on a post-game high, and the kids are not around. IF you've tried talking to him already, he may need to hear with crystal clarity that the other kids feel ignored and he is driving a wedge between your kids and between himself and the other kids.

If your DH is so far gone he wont' listen to you, can you enlist a male friend of his (preferably another sports dad) and ask that guy to be blunt with DH about how his obsession is going to distance him from his other kids and pressure star athlete too much? Sometimes people with a fixation just cannot hear what spouses are saying, but will listen to a peer from outside the family (unfortunate, but true). If your other kids have their own activities and interests, DH needs to be spending a lot more time encouraging them on those.

It does not help that the in-laws are just as obsessed. I'd be asking them very firmly to come to the other kids' events or activities and make a big deal of the other kids--without talking to the other kids constantly about their sibling, if they do that already.

I completely agree with this advice. I was a more talented athlete, and my parent's overfocus on my sport was too much pressure for me. Plus, it had a long-term negative impact on my relationship with my sibling, who felt slighted. You have to teach your kids that a parent's love and support are unconditional, not performance-based.

OP please listen to this person above who has been where your athlete son is now. Your DH is setting up terrible dynamics for the rest of all your kids' lives. You, OP, are the only one in a position to see that, and to intervene. If you don't intervene, well, go back and read the post above and you'll see what happens. This all affects relationships LONG after the athlete's playing career is finished.

OP please don't listen this advice. This is a loser mentality. They believe that everyone should get a trophy.
You have to work hard to achieve success in life.
If your kids are resentful because their sibling is talented, the solution is not to crush that talented kid's dreams.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. Wow, you posters are clearly all jealous competitive shrews, trying to tear OP down for a perfectly reasonable concern.

Look in the mirror, sickos

OPs a sicko troll, posting about stuff she knows nothing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np. Wow, you posters are clearly all jealous competitive shrews, trying to tear OP down for a perfectly reasonable concern.

Look in the mirror, sickos

OPs a sicko troll, posting about stuff she knows nothing about it.

No, you’re a nut job living your life through dc, and then trying to tear others down when they express any normal apprehension about the intensity of high school sports. Support is fine, but no parent should be that invested in this for their dc, and an entire family shouldn’t be embroiled in it. It’s unhealthy for the other dc and for the sports dc. I had a number of friends who were pressured by parents in their sports and it ultimately back fired. My dc is also heading towards a possible d1 recruitment scenario- and no, I’m not going to give detail so you sickos can try to sleuth and then attack and diminish it- and I have made damned sure that it is what THEY want and I’m staying mostly out of it. It is certainly not my ‘full time job’ as one of the lunatics posted above.

Fact is many dc quit their sport in college or end up staying only to keep their scholarship but don’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Every college athlete I met in the neighborhood, or at work or industry? Or through my kids loved playing in college and the camaraderie.

Covid athletic teams were totally normal tooo.