Losing weight and ditching friendship?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this belongs here---but I have a friend who has worked really hard at losing weight and working towards health overall. I've made an effort to really acknowledge and praise her for all of her hard work.

The thing is, she has jsut stopped talking to me. I see her out and about on her socials, but does not return my texts or calls. We used to see each other almost twice a month. I myself eat healthy and am active, so it's not like I am a "negative influence". Just don't know what gives.

Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

maybe something else is going on. did you ask?

[Anonymous]

Does she invite you to talk about her weight loss and "really acknowledge and praise her?" I have lost a significant amount of weight and I have a similar friend (who also considers herself healthy and thin - and almost talks about food in a disordered way all the time).

She always, always brings up my weight when I see her - without any prompt from me. I find it irritating and annoying and rude, and just uncomfortable.

It's like she is obsessed with how I look, and honestly, it comes across as she clearly thought I was horrifically out of shape before I lost the weight and she has no idea how boundary crossing her comments are now.

If you are doing this to your friend, I am guessing this is why she is not speaking to you anymore. Weight loss is personal, and unless you are invited to speak about someone else's weight loss by that person -- even if it's a close friend -- you are being rude if you are the one to always bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, maybe you're creeping her out with your constant attention on her body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she invite you to talk about her weight loss and "really acknowledge and praise her?" I have lost a significant amount of weight and I have a similar friend (who also considers herself healthy and thin - and almost talks about food in a disordered way all the time).

She always, always brings up my weight when I see her - without any prompt from me. I find it irritating and annoying and rude, and just uncomfortable.

It's like she is obsessed with how I look, and honestly, it comes across as she clearly thought I was horrifically out of shape before I lost the weight and she has no idea how boundary crossing her comments are now.

If you are doing this to your friend, I am guessing this is why she is not speaking to you anymore. Weight loss is personal, and unless you are invited to speak about someone else's weight loss by that person -- even if it's a close friend -- you are being rude if you are the one to always bring it up.

I only do it after she posts about her physical activity and everyone else is complimenting her. SHe also shared how frustrated she is because people assume she did ozempic vs hard work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she invite you to talk about her weight loss and "really acknowledge and praise her?" I have lost a significant amount of weight and I have a similar friend (who also considers herself healthy and thin - and almost talks about food in a disordered way all the time).

She always, always brings up my weight when I see her - without any prompt from me. I find it irritating and annoying and rude, and just uncomfortable.

It's like she is obsessed with how I look, and honestly, it comes across as she clearly thought I was horrifically out of shape before I lost the weight and she has no idea how boundary crossing her comments are now.

If you are doing this to your friend, I am guessing this is why she is not speaking to you anymore. Weight loss is personal, and unless you are invited to speak about someone else's weight loss by that person -- even if it's a close friend -- you are being rude if you are the one to always bring it up.

I only do it after she posts about her physical activity and everyone else is complimenting her. SHe also shared how frustrated she is because people assume she did ozempic vs hard work

Then you should ask her as the PP said. Seems like she doesn't like something you did.

[Anonymous]

weight loss can be traumatic for a lot of people. they may suddenly be getting tons of attention from people that used to blow them off, and it can be jarring (even if you, OP, are not in that category of people).

Or, maybe she's turned into a wannabe influencer since it seems like she does post a lot about it? some wellness efforts are borderline cultish

[Anonymous]

Perhaps she is really into those who share her experiences?

[Anonymous]

I have lost 40 pounds this year with the help of Wegovy. But I have been exercising regularly for three years. I rarely post about exercise on social media, but I do talk about it often with friends, because it impacts my schedule, and because one friend participates in one of my fitness activities. I am perfectly happy to discuss fitness, but I am not interested in discussing my weight loss unless it is with someone struggling with their weight and seeking advice. A simple “you look great” suffices. More than that can start to sound patronizing or intrusive.

[Anonymous]

Meh, she is just figuring out who she is now. It may involve OP and it may not. Life is complicated. Continue to support her however opportunities arise. But you may need to just friendship in others who you have more in common with.

[Anonymous]

I do find this interesting. You hear more about friends ditching the person who lost weight because of envy. Not the other way around

[Anonymous]

She has become a “cool kid” and is attracted to the new attention. If you are thinner than her maybe she thinks you didn’t have to work for it like her ?

[Anonymous]

It's possible that your acknowledgement and praise is irritating.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want to hang out with you anymore. It’s unlikely that it has anything to do with her weight loss. Or if it does, it’s just that she has more self-esteem now and is able to drop people who are deadweight.

[Anonymous]

She was always kinda jealous of you and now she is finally finding her way.