If private school were “free”

[Anonymous]

We live in a PG county with several solid ES options and iffy middle and high schools with some selective programs that are highly regarded.

I generally believe in public schools and we are not aiming for a high pressure, highly selective school environment. If our kids get into top colleges, it will be because they were extraordinary, not because we pushed them to the max.

ILs have offered to pay private school tuition, no strings attached. I appreciate that this is an insanely generous gift, but I am still hesitating! Am I being stupid? I know a lot of our friends and family would look at me like I have three heads if I told them I was considering saying thanks but no thanks. But if we spent the same money moving to MoCo for the schools, no one would blink, and we like where we live.

The ILs will be supportive either way, it’s not about the gift. I don’t want my hang ups about the benefits of public school to keep my kids from something good, but I went to both types of school myself and I think it’s not an easy call. Is this stupid??

[Anonymous]

Can ILs hang onto the money and generously pay for college instead? That makes more sense.

[Anonymous]

I would ask them for 529 contributions instead and revisit the topic in upper elementary.

And I do think there's a difference between a good public vs a private. Your rights are different and that may come to matter to you. And there will be way more diversity of ability and special needs even if your public is in a wealthy area.

[Anonymous]

I would jump at that and would definitely do it. My kids are in a poorly ranked school. I used to think school rankings weren’t important but they are. My kids miss out on so much because they’re in a title 1. There’s no field trips, no extras, teachers are always having to teach 1-2 grade levels behind where they should because kids are always behind. Lots of violence and the classroom gets evacuated often.

The violence really weighs on me because I didn’t think it would start so soon but many of these kids are out of control. Throwing desks and pulling down bookcases. I went to an IB program in a bad school and a lot of the violence I saw stuck with me. I saw some vicious fights. I was somewhat insulated in IB though, whereas now there aren’t different levels and all kids are together.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

I think you need to look at the private schools in your area, make your ILs aware of the cost in case they don't realize how high it is, and determine the entry years for each school you are interested in.

Be aware of tuition increases of 5% or more annually. It's important your ILs know what they are signing up for.

[Anonymous]

I think my IL’s would pay for private school tuition if we asked them. But we haven’t, for a few reasons. One child has mild special needs and so far our DCPS school is fine, while we pay for therapies outside school. We worry that at a private school he’d be at risk of getting pushed out. Another reason is that even though my IL’s are very reliable I worry about committing to private in elementary and then they decline to pay tuition in the future for some reason. Stuff happens. We may revisit this in the future, but in the meantime my ILs are making generous 529 contributions.

[Anonymous]

You should definitely take their offer, you’re doing them a disservice by refusing and clinging to public schools.

Safety, discipline, better academics, better prep for college success, better college counseling, etc etc etc. Bonus points if the school has good lunches do you can stop packing PBJs.

[Anonymous]

Take the offer.

[Anonymous]

I would take it in a heartbeat, but I would also do my homework and not choose a wealthy/flashy private school. Sadly, my wealthy in laws are the “you can have it when we are dead” type.

[Anonymous]

Take the offer. (I’ve worked in both environments.)

[Anonymous]

Absolutely take the offer for middle and high school, although I personally would prioritize public elementary if you plan to stay in your current house so you can better meet your neighbors and your child can solidify some local friend groups (and because that school in your district is highly rated).

If you don’t have to, don’t send your kids to “iffy” schools.

[Anonymous]

We are in a variant of this situation. During and after covid we provided care to an elderly relative. Another relative paid a bunch of expenses for us, such as a groceries, cleaning help etc . . . , on the grounds that if I wasn't helping so much they'd be paying for caregivers. They also offered to pay for private school for my kids, with the thinking being that a smaller school that had pretty good covid protocols might mean less covid exposure for grandpa. I don't know if that worked, but neither kid brought covid home. Maybe they wouldn't have in public either.

The school turned out to be really good for my older kid who has some mild LDs. Smaller classes, more attention, more feedback on writing all worked. My younger kid is kind of a dandelion kid, he does fine in private but he might do equally well in public. Relative is still paying, although my kids have substantial financial aid, so they aren't paying the whole cost.

I don't know whether it would have been the right decision. But they are doing well so we won't rock the boat. The financial differences are somewhat of an issue, but my kids are also used to big financial differences within the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

I think you need to look at the private schools in your area, make your ILs aware of the cost in case they don't realize how high it is, and determine the entry years for each school you are interested in.

Be aware of tuition increases of 5% or more annually. It's important your ILs know what they are signing up for.

+1. Have some very serious conversations about what they are willing to contribute, and for how long. If they want to do 6 years - then aim for middle school entry and plan on extra support to make sure your kids are competitive to get in. If they want to pay for 13 years, talk about how much that will cost yearly, especially since you have 2 kids. And with family help, you likely won’t get financial aid.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids?

I used to think I'd send my kids to public regardless of money because I went to public school and thought the experience was positive and that it was especially good to be in a diverse environment. I figured even if we had tons of money I'd just buy into the highest quality public schools.

I now have upper elementary kids and we are looking at private for middle and high school. Public schools are not what they once were. They aren't even really diverse in this area because if self segregation and housing costs-- many privates are much more diverse because they select their classes and can offer scholarships (there are no scholarships to public schools in very expensive areas).

Like you we don't want a pressure cooker-- just a solid education in a good social environment. There's tons of privates in this area and I do think we'll find what we want. It's honestly harder to find that in public even if you can buy anywhere and are willing to move.

I'd take your ILs up on that offer in a heartbeat even though the version of me with younger kids and less experience with public schools would have had some of the same thoughts you have now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can ILs hang onto the money and generously pay for college instead? That makes more sense.

They probably already have the money for college.