Everything I do is “spoiling” according to my mother

[Anonymous]

Why? She did quite literally the exact same things with my siblings and me and yet we somehow managed to graduate high school, college, hold down gainful employment, have never been arrested, etc.

The last two most recent:

This past weekend we had an unexpected SUPER late night on Saturday. Our kids were exhausted when they finally went to bed, but I had planned to let them sleep in a bit on Sunday but our neighbor’s early morning construction project squashed that plan. So last night I got everyone ready for bed REALLY early, and planned to keep the house quiet so they could sleep. Right before this my mom called and wanted to talk, and I apologized and told her that I’d have to call her tomorrow, explaining the above. She told me that I “spoil” them and that’s what I can’t talk after they go to bed.

The other, we were out shopping Mother’s Day. My DD tried on a pair of shorts for $20. She liked them but told me she liked another pair she already had better, could she get them in a different color instead. So we did. And they were $10 more. My mom said this was “spoiling” her, she should be happy for any shorts. I thought, why waste $20 on shorts she doesn’t like as much when the pair she does are only $10 more?

She throws this at me CONSTANTLY, and I can’t figure out why she’s so strangely threatened by these things. My kids are good kids, and I’m happy to provide them “wants” when I can. I’m also always going to give them a comfortable and safe place to LIVE! Sorry, mom, that you don’t always come first? I guess?

Why does she do this and why do I let it bother me when I know it’s irrational?

[Anonymous]

Did you grow up low-income? I grew up poor, so nearly anything I do is also seen as spoiling. But we were "sorry your shoes don't fit, maybe next year" food stamp poor.

[Anonymous]

If this is a change in behavior it could herald cognitive decline.

Also, it's a fact that people get crankier as they get elderly. Especially women. Most become insufferable. The exceptions are the sweet little Betty White types. The rest are terrors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is a change in behavior it could herald cognitive decline.

Also, it's a fact that people get crankier as they get elderly. Especially women. Most become insufferable. The exceptions are the sweet little Betty White types. The rest are terrors.

It’s horrible and makes me not even want to talk to her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is a change in behavior it could herald cognitive decline.

Also, it's a fact that people get crankier as they get elderly. Especially women. Most become insufferable. The exceptions are the sweet little Betty White types. The rest are terrors.

It’s horrible and makes me not even want to talk to her!

I wouldn't want to talk to the witch, either.

[Anonymous]

She’s jealous. She views you prioritizing your kids sleep over talking to her at that instant she decided to call you as you choosing them over her. When you spend money or time on them, she is viewing it as money and time not spent on HER.

[Anonymous]

How old are these kids they they can only sleep in pure silence but wear $30 shorts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids they they can only sleep in pure silence but wear $30 shorts?

Who cares?
It's what OP wants to do.
Raise your own kids

[Anonymous]

How would talking on the phone keep everyone up? Are you screaming?

[Anonymous]

I'm genuinely curious: why can't you talk after the kids go to bed? Does your house have to remain completely silent?

As for your mom, I'd just say something like, "You might be right, but this is what makes us happy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids they they can only sleep in pure silence but wear $30 shorts?

Who cares?
It's what OP wants to do.
Raise your own kids

. Just because YOU don't care doesn't mean some of us are not wondering, as it sounds a little unusual. It's just a question; if OP doesn't want to answer, they won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids they they can only sleep in pure silence but wear $30 shorts?

You raise a good point. Wonder if OP will answer. It sounds like she's talking about toddlers but then the shorts thing makes you wonder.

[Anonymous]

The reality is you could have talked after they were in bed but you chose not to. You have that right. Don’t let her guilt you. You make choices that work for you and your family.
I don’t think any of what you said is spoiling.
I get a lot of my kids clothes from the thrift store because I like nicer quality stuff and do t care if it’s used. My MS age DD doesn’t care, she wants to spend money on Nike Jordan’s though which kills me but I do it because it makes her happy and it’s literally the only expensive things she ask for.

[Anonymous]

Stop telling her details. Dont let her commentary bother you. If you have to tell her you are raising your kids best you can and she had her chance to make decisions and you'rr making yours with your kids. I also habe a hypercritical mother who does it with best intentions but its annoying. So i dont tell her minutia if our lives anymore if i dont have to. I still get ridiculous commentary as to why we do things this way or that and at the same time big praise for "i love how you are with your kids and they really like you etc". Well duh mom, i listen to them and dont critique everything all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids they they can only sleep in pure silence but wear $30 shorts?

Who cares?
It's what OP wants to do.
Raise your own kids

The kid is old enough to express opinions about shorts colors but can't figure out how to sleep with noise in the house? Odd.