Everything I do is “spoiling” according to my mother

[Anonymous]

If you know your mother won't like being told you can't talk now because you need to put the teens to bed (or however old they are) then don't answer the phone at all. Manage her better.

[Anonymous]

The total silence sounds like a blow off and your mom reacted as such.

The shorts I agree - pick your battles, $10 nothing buger.

[Anonymous]

The not talking to her after they were in bed was ridiculous. You have the right to do that, but it was an absurd “excuse.”

The shorts, I would rather buy the ones I know my kids finds comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I’d push back. “I didn’t ask for your opinion on this decision.” If she balks more you tell her the truth “you comment that I’m spoiling my children to insult me and it upsets me.”

And then if it continues, you dial it back. You don’t even have to tell her you’re doing it. No more shopping together, less answering when she calls, be slower to return texts etc.

[Anonymous]

Yep my mom's the same. I let my kids try any extracurricular they are interested in and she says I'm "letting them rule the roost." Sorry? I begged for piano and dance lessons that she could have easily afforded but she didn't want anything messing with her leisurely schedule. Also I let my boys go to the barber with their dad for haircuts and she thinks I should be giving them home buzzcuts, since she made me go around with a hideously unflattering home haircut until I was old enough to take myself to a salon. "They're spoiled rotten."

[Anonymous]

“Why do you have a comment on everything that I choose? Can we please talk about something else?

[Anonymous]

As the PP suggests, call her out on it. Ask her why she’s always telling you that you “spoil” your kids. Ask her if she would like a stream of unsolicited feedback. Ask her if she feels jealous of her grandkids and let her know that’s how she’s coming across. And ask her if she’d prefer that you share fewer details about what’s going on.

Then definitely share fewer details and manage her a little more. And push back in the moment. “I’m not spoiling her, Mom. She likes the other ones better so we’ll get more use out of them, so it’s worth the extra money.”

[Anonymous]

Why does your mom know all these details about your life?

[Anonymous]

Just stop giving her information. Stop inviting her along shopping. Don't engage. My mom is the same way and she wonders why no one ever wants to talk to her and she gets no details! She likes nothing and is happy with nothing!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids they they can only sleep in pure silence but wear $30 shorts?

Who cares?
It's what OP wants to do.
Raise your own kids

The kid is old enough to express opinions about shorts colors but can't figure out how to sleep with noise in the house? Odd.

OP’s mom found the thread.

[Anonymous]

I’m on your side about the shorts, but you sound totally crazy with the silence. There is no reason you can’t talk in a room not near your kids, or even step outside if you have a spouse. If you don’t want to talk then just say, Mom I’m tired I need an early bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids they they can only sleep in pure silence but wear $30 shorts?

You raise a good point. Wonder if OP will answer. It sounds like she's talking about toddlers but then the shorts thing makes you wonder.

Way to derail things. Imagine having kids different ages! I have a tween, and school aged kids (8, 6)

I was buying my tween clothes and getting my youngest kid(s), but mainly my 6yo, to bed early. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your mom know all these details about your life?

As I said, she was shopping with us. And she called to talk to me and I answered. People are so weird tonight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep my mom's the same. I let my kids try any extracurricular they are interested in and she says I'm "letting them rule the roost." Sorry? I begged for piano and dance lessons that she could have easily afforded but she didn't want anything messing with her leisurely schedule. Also I let my boys go to the barber with their dad for haircuts and she thinks I should be giving them home buzzcuts, since she made me go around with a hideously unflattering home haircut until I was old enough to take myself to a salon. "They're spoiled rotten."

OP here. My mother had said something similar each and every time my kids have tried a new sport, all while simultaneously demanding an invite to spectate!

And not a haircut, but acne medicine has been a “spoil” for my DD, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s jealous. She views you prioritizing your kids sleep over talking to her at that instant she decided to call you as you choosing them over her. When you spend money or time on them, she is viewing it as money and time not spent on HER.

It does sound like that, OP. Has she been like this ever since you had kids? If this is new, it could be cognitive decline...