Husband wants to go to Vegas on his paternity leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you are already owed a weekend, I’d tell him he can’t go until you get yours. Fair is fair.

+1 OP the trip doesn't concern me as much as the equity.

[Anonymous]

Tell him No and give him a BJ.

[Anonymous]

I’d say yes, but then the next weekend would be my weekend “off.” Pack your breast pump and go stay at a local hotel with some bubble bath and good books.

If mom “can manage” for a weekend on her own because it’s “not climbing Everest,” then so can dad.

But to be honest I think I’d die of shock if my DH had asked to go to Vegas when we had a newborn. He was so busy pitching in with 2 kids that I don’t think he would have had to energy for a trip like this. (Ours were 2 years apart though, so it was 2 in diapers and a toddler who fought bedtime and would also occasionally wake up). Maybe with a larger gap you have more energy? But I sort of feel like if you have the physical and mental energy for a gambling weekend in Vegas then you’re not really pulling your share during parental leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH. The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.

[b]
+1000

Wait, let me get this straight. We have low self esteem and shitty marriages because we facilitate our DHs weekend trip with friends?

Do you hear yourself?

Girl, are you okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH. The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.

[b]
+1000

Wait, let me get this straight. We have low self esteem and shitty marriages because we facilitate our DHs weekend trip with friends?

Do you hear yourself?

Girl, are you okay?

Ones who brush off the difficulty of caring for a newborn and a toddler alone as not a big deal? And who apparently don’t have a clue that one person caring for them alone is not something that has been done since the dawn of time and that throughout most of history and still in most cultures mothers have help? If you are married to somebody like this, I do feel bad for you. You are letting your husband get away with being an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, let him know that if he goes to Vegas, you will pump and go off for a girls spa weekend and leave him with both kids too, since you need to rest and all.

I'm the pp whose husband went to Coachella. I mean...yeah? My husband would be fine with our kids for the weekend. That's kind of the point. Instead of being smug you married a guy who doesn't want to take a guys trip why aren't you sad you don't have a spouse you feel comfortable leaving your own children with?

Bingo! We have a super healthy relationship. But parents are also people and should have time with friends. It works 100% both ways.

And spare us the notion that mothering a newborn and a toddler for a couple days is an insurmountable challenge. Drama llamas.

Except the OP is already supposedly getting a weekend off for a previous Vegas trip, that her partner took while she was 7months pregnant and home with a toddler. What a gem. Real winner. I am sure he is totally going to prioritize his wife getting time to herself when he gets back from his second solo trip in four months.

No, OP, most men do not need to go to Vegas every four months when they have young children. I also suspect there is more than drinking and gambling going on.

Yes sometimes it is necessary that one parent be alone with the kids for a weekend even eight weeks postpartum. The parent going away then takes on the responsibility of ensuring there is ample support and pitches in extra when they get back. Necessary is things like work, an ill parent, a siblings wedding, etc.

For the men so secure in their masculinity that they’re posting on a page for expectant and postpartum mothers, please let us know how often you have taken solo weekends with eight week old infants and toddlers in your care? I very rarely hear of men doing that...

Yes, this. OP’s husband doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who would shoo his wife away to Coachella while he took care of a nursing newborn and a toddler. And really, most people don’t do that anyway. But good on you, PPs. Glad you found what works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, let him know that if he goes to Vegas, you will pump and go off for a girls spa weekend and leave him with both kids too, since you need to rest and all.

I'm the pp whose husband went to Coachella. I mean...yeah? My husband would be fine with our kids for the weekend. That's kind of the point. Instead of being smug you married a guy who doesn't want to take a guys trip why aren't you sad you don't have a spouse you feel comfortable leaving your own children with?

I am so with you. And yes, my kids woke up every 3 hours as almost all newborns ever do. I honestly liked being home with them alone. And I also like taking trips. And I want my husband to have fun. And for those that think going to Vegas means cheating I think maybe you don’t get out much? If your husband wants to cheat, it’s happening and probably not in Vegas. Please.

But most parents who are taking care of a newborn and a toddler don’t want to do it alone. You are in the .1% of people who like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

That’s cool! Also how was it taking care of a newborn and a 3 year old all by yourself? I bet it was hard but you came out fine, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH. The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.

[b]
+1000

Wait, let me get this straight. We have low self esteem and shitty marriages because we facilitate our DHs weekend trip with friends?

Do you hear yourself?

Girl, are you okay?

Ones who brush off the difficulty of caring for a newborn and a toddler alone as not a big deal? And who apparently don’t have a clue that one person caring for them alone is not something that has been done since the dawn of time and that throughout most of history and still in most cultures mothers have help? If you are married to somebody like this, I do feel bad for you. You are letting your husband get away with being an ass.

Maybe I'm just more competent at mothering but no, I do not think a newborn and toddler are all that difficult. I have had three children close in age while my husband traveled extensively for work. Now he makes a fortune. You don't have to feel sorry for me. Just FYI, doubling down as you are confirms my suspicions that you're projecting your shitty marriage issues here. I hope your husband is okay. Good luck in your divorce.

[Anonymous]

Omg no. I would never allow this. He is supposed to be on paternity leave to HELP YOU and bond with his children. He might not be a jerk, but he is honestly clueless. Yea, you CAN take care of a newborn and 3 yo if you have to, and only because your husband is on a very important business trip/at a funeral/whatever. But for a fun weekend? Absolutely no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg no. I would never allow this. He is supposed to be on paternity leave to HELP YOU and bond with his children. He might not be a jerk, but he is honestly clueless. Yea, you CAN take care of a newborn and 3 yo if you have to, and only because your husband is on a very important business trip/at a funeral/whatever. But for a fun weekend? Absolutely no way.

The hypocrisy is astounding.

So it's okay for work or a wedding but not okay for a fun weekend in Vegas.

Got it.

[Anonymous]

No concern about what bugs he might bring home to a newborn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s home all day with newborns as well and wants to join a weekend trip with his buddies.

Despite the hype, mothering two kids and keeping them alive for 3 days isn’t climbing Everest.

Please tell us more about your expertise on mothering, male human.

Literally half the planet has done it since the dawn of time? I know that much. And 99%+ of those have done it under a whole hell of a lot more duress than “my husband went to Vegas for 2.5 days” and left me in my suburban, air-conditioned, well-appointed 5000 square foot home with two kids. Get over yourselves.

Well...certain type of victim woman will take a lot of shit from their DH. The DH who wrote above is married to a woman with low self-esteem and can get away by doing these kinds of things.

Feel sorry for the children who are raised in such shitty marriages.

[b]
+1000

Wait, let me get this straight. We have low self esteem and shitty marriages because we facilitate our DHs weekend trip with friends?

Do you hear yourself?

Girl, are you okay?

Ones who brush off the difficulty of caring for a newborn and a toddler alone as not a big deal? And who apparently don’t have a clue that one person caring for them alone is not something that has been done since the dawn of time and that throughout most of history and still in most cultures mothers have help? If you are married to somebody like this, I do feel bad for you. You are letting your husband get away with being an ass.

Maybe I'm just more competent at mothering but no, I do not think a newborn and toddler are all that difficult. I have had three children close in age while my husband traveled extensively for work. Now he makes a fortune. You don't have to feel sorry for me. Just FYI, doubling down as you are confirms my suspicions that you're projecting your shitty marriage issues here. I hope your husband is okay. Good luck in your divorce.

First, I’m not the PP. Second, this isn’t about how hard it is for you. It’s about a man, who in all likelihood hasn’t ever taken care of a newborn and a three year old alone (but who definitely has no clue how difficult OP’s kids are), flippantly saying that somebody who thinks it’s hard is being dramatic. It’s rude and it’s ignorant. The guy is a jerk and it’s weird that you’re defending a random internet dude who is probably a massive misogynist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg no. I would never allow this. He is supposed to be on paternity leave to HELP YOU and bond with his children. He might not be a jerk, but he is honestly clueless. Yea, you CAN take care of a newborn and 3 yo if you have to, and only because your husband is on a very important business trip/at a funeral/whatever. But for a fun weekend? Absolutely no way.

The hypocrisy is astounding.

So it's okay for work or a wedding but not okay for a fun weekend in Vegas.

Got it.

What hypocrisy....? If it's for something really important, then yes, he can go. (I didn't actually say wedding... I said funeral....). You don't see the difference between a vacation and work trip/funeral...?

[Anonymous]

Book yourself into a hotel for a weekend and leave your H with both kids and a bunch of breastmilk. Or even one night. Then see if he still thinks he should go.

I agree with whoever said the most troubling part is that he wants to go to Vegas twice in 4 months.