Be honest. Which of your kids is your favorite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle child. Oldest child has ASD and brings no joy to our lives. I love the youngest but she has a difficult temperament.

Do you also love your oldest?

No. Used to, but now only feel duty. There is no reciprocity and my child is violent.

This is horrible. I bet your child can feel that. It's your job as a parent to love your children unconditionally.

Until you have had a child like this keep your judgement to yourself. It is a horrible enough thing without your judgement piling on.

Signed, a mom who has spent time in the pediatric psychiatric emergency hold, on legal obligation due to my ASD child’s inability to function. At 7. I don’t have a favorite in my family but I am lucky that my ASD child is getting it together right now so I can bring the warm feelings. The pps post is a terrible situation for him/her and aggression is well established to damage parental bonds. I’m sending my thoughts to this parent.

+1. Signed, another mom with a violent, volatile, challenging beyond words SN child.

[Anonymous]

The puppy.

[Anonymous]

My first, the one who made me a mom, and the baby are my two favorites. But I inly have two. Seriously, I got he best two. You all wouldn't have a favorite either if you had these two awesome people to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After seeing the movie “Sophie’s Choice” I erased the idea of having a favorite from my mind. What makes it easy is that they are all wonderful kids!

Me, too. This movie haunted me, especially since I know my mother would have chosen my brother. It's one of the reasons why I really struggled to have a second kid. Except in my case, and in my (admittedly unscientific survey) the mom will always choose the boy. So for me, I didn't care which sex I had, I just wanted to have two of the same. Luckily I did, and I can say honestly that I love and like them equally.

[Anonymous]

My girl cat she was here before the human kid and is less annoying. Sometimes the youngest cat cause he's a snuggler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle child. Oldest child has ASD and brings no joy to our lives. I love the youngest but she has a difficult temperament.

Do you also love your oldest?

No. Used to, but now only feel duty. There is no reciprocity and my child is violent.

This is horrible. I bet your child can feel that. It's your job as a parent to love your children unconditionally.

Until you have had a child like this keep your judgement to yourself. It is a horrible enough thing without your judgement piling on.

Signed, a mom who has spent time in the pediatric psychiatric emergency hold, on legal obligation due to my ASD child’s inability to function. At 7. I don’t have a favorite in my family but I am lucky that my ASD child is getting it together right now so I can bring the warm feelings. The pps post is a terrible situation for him/her and aggression is well established to damage parental bonds. I’m sending my thoughts to this parent.

+1. Signed, another mom with a violent, volatile, challenging beyond words SN child.

+2. What I am noticing in all these responses is that the preferred child is the one that likes/loves that parent the most in return, which is totally natural. And when you have a volatile, violent kid who shows little emotional reciprocity with you, it wears you down and can be very difficult to love that child back after years of fighting. Imagine getting beat up weekly and someone saying, "How dare you not love this person!" Parents are only human, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've wondered about this. One cannot talk about it in real life with anyone, lest one wants to get judged, but we know it's natural to have different connections with one's children.

I really think part of that connection is innate chemistry. DS1 had it with DH. He just naturally preferred DH above anyone else, from infancy, when I was providing 95% of his care. As he grows older, he's starting to even out a bit between us, but he still strongly gravitates toward his dad.

My younger son bonded to me strongly ever since birth. He loves his dad now, but still prefers me and is very attached to me. This attachment is something that I never experienced with DS1, who's much more independent in general.

I love them both and treat them fairly, but my emotional chords are more tender toward one of them. You can guess which one.

Yikes. You’re children can guess too.

*meant to say your. Point still stands though.

People like you who sit on high horses are very exhausting. We're trying to have an open and honest discussion here. If all you contribute is saying yikes anytime a parent confesses some raw and natural emotions, you're emotionally stunted.

[Anonymous]

I have a stronger bond with my daughter but love both of them so, so much. My daughter is so similar to how I was as a kid so just feel very close to her. My son is so sweet though too but is much closer to DH. They are both mini-mes of each of us.

[Anonymous]

My youngest, because he needs it more.

[Anonymous]

I have only one and she’s my favorite. It makes me wonder if we should even have a second because it is hard for me to fathom loving another baby this much, and I don’t want to have a favorite...

[Anonymous]

I’m not ashamed to say that I sometimes have a slight preference for one over the other. I adore both of them and mostly love being around them, but one is just so, so positive and happy all the time. He’s like a puppy and just brings joy and love wherever he goes. The other is intense and mercurial and sometimes draining. She is still awesome and I love being around her but the other child just makes me feel so good.

But I make an effort not to favor him. In fact once my husband told me that I was more strict and with my son and it seemed unfair, and I was kind of relieved that at least I wasnt favoring him.

I’m not proud that I have a preference but I don’t think being in denial does anybody any good. It is what it is and I will just strive every day to be the best mom I can be to both of my (very awesome) kids.

[Anonymous]

My kids are polar opposites, so I really don't have a favorite. Daughter (adult) is driven, maintains a good job and is not afraid to ask for raises and promotions when she deserves them, organized, good with money, etc. However, she is competitive, an aggressive driver (hold the edge of the seat and say 'slow down' the whole time), and I would say a bit rigid and intense. Son is the artistic type, goes with the flow, unique personality, laid back and always has friends and people around. However, he is often late, hates following a rigid schedule or specific directions and prefers to do things "his way," disorganized, a procrastinator and doesn't manage his money well.

I am more of a mix, so I see a lot of me in each and so they are really equal in my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no favorite. I love both of my daughters equally.

::coughbullcrrapcough::

Yeah, this. I love both my kids so much it hurts but right now, struggling a bit with the fact that one of them is just SO much easier.

Same, but I still love them equally.

One of the sibling rivalry books says this is a recipe for competition as they get older because everyone knows you can’t love anything different exactly the same. Different things or people or places get loved differently. The writer (siblings without rivalry maybe? Or that guy who wrote the family rules book
?) said to instead say “I love you both differently because you are different people.” It’s honest and stops the comparisons between kids.

[Anonymous]

I had a favorite parent, and favorite sibling. I also have a favorite child.

It's normal to have different emotional bonds with different people. It's organic.

All we can do is strive to treat our kids with the same level of love and kindness.

[Anonymous]

The one is who is not a toddler