Can we talk about parents buying their adult children luxury homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

And I am sure you paid your parents back for all that they did for you.

If parents are trying to pull kids into the UMC, they don’t want to be paid back after they transfer wealth

DP. If the parents are gifting their kids luxury homes, the family is UC, not UMC.

not necessarily. I define upper class as enough wealth to be able to live off of that wealth. An attorney making 400k a year still needs to work to enjoy their life style. A kid with a trust fund generating the same amount does not need to work. The attorney will be able to help their kids buy a home, but those kids will also likely have to work to earn a living

The attorney will be taxed more than the trust fund kid and if he/she lives on either coast, they will not have enough money to help their kids buy houses, no. People don’t start making $400 when they start working.

if you don't think an attorney making 400k has enough to help their kid buy an 800k house, you have a very wrapped sense of savings

Or you assume that they’re making this salary for years before they even have children, they don’t have housing expenses themselves, they benefited from previous real estate booms, don’t live in a high COL area, and have grandparents paying for their kids’ college. Define help. $20,000? Ok. $160,000 down? Hell no.

[Anonymous]

All of my friends who own in this market had parents give them a down payment, mostly around 100k. It took my husband and I 10 years to save that much and pay off our student loans while throwing away money in rent. Now we are finally in a position to buy and we cant because we aren’t competitive in this crazy market. Meanwhile our friends have turned their first condo/house into their second house and made significant profits while we have eeked by in the same apartment, diligently saving like fools. I don’t begrudge them their privilege, but it enrages me when they aren’t empathetic to our situation or act like they are better than we are because they are homeowners or had the good fortune to be born to parents who gave them a massive leg up over the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

And I am sure you paid your parents back for all that they did for you.

If parents are trying to pull kids into the UMC, they don’t want to be paid back after they transfer wealth

DP. If the parents are gifting their kids luxury homes, the family is UC, not UMC.

not necessarily. I define upper class as enough wealth to be able to live off of that wealth. An attorney making 400k a year still needs to work to enjoy their life style. A kid with a trust fund generating the same amount does not need to work. The attorney will be able to help their kids buy a home, but those kids will also likely have to work to earn a living

The attorney will be taxed more than the trust fund kid and if he/she lives on either coast, they will not have enough money to help their kids buy houses, no. People don’t start making $400 when they start working.

if you don't think an attorney making 400k has enough to help their kid buy an 800k house, you have a very wrapped sense of savings

Or you assume that they’re making this salary for years before they even have children, they don’t have housing expenses themselves, they benefited from previous real estate booms, don’t live in a high COL area, and have grandparents paying for their kids’ college. Define help. $20,000? Ok. $160,000 down? Hell no.

This. An attorney making that much can certainly offer up some money to their kid but I'll venture to say that absent generational wealth and having his own expenses in his life, the "help" won't be as much as PP thinks.

[Anonymous]

My parents bought me a house because they can, AMA OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread would be irrelevant if people could just mind their own business, focus on their own life rather than others, and seek happiness outside of material things.

Do you also not realize how privileged you are to be able to criticize other well off people for not being well off in the “right way”?

90% of you need to look into therapy.

Weirdly defensive response addressed to no one, bro.

+1. I suspect this thread touched on a sore spot for PP.

-1. I’m the PP you’re referring to and I would love if my parents bought me a house but sadly they are poor, so I don’t really have anything to be sore about. I’m just sick of the general awful attitude of people on this forum, clearly you included. It has become nothing but bickering and the constant theme is judging others based on money and neighborhoods and career, etc. Yeah yeah if I don’t like it I can leave — I know. But I use this forum to get insight on a few topics, mostly real estate related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread would be irrelevant if people could just mind their own business, focus on their own life rather than others, and seek happiness outside of material things.

Do you also not realize how privileged you are to be able to criticize other well off people for not being well off in the “right way”?

90% of you need to look into therapy.

Weirdly defensive response addressed to no one, bro.

+1. I suspect this thread touched on a sore spot for PP.

-1. I’m the PP you’re referring to and I would love if my parents bought me a house but sadly they are poor, so I don’t really have anything to be sore about. I’m just sick of the general awful attitude of people on this forum, clearly you included. It has become nothing but bickering and the constant theme is judging others based on money and neighborhoods and career, etc. Yeah yeah if I don’t like it I can leave — I know. But I use this forum to get insight on a few topics, mostly real estate related.

You sound whiny and negative. No one is forcing you to read or respond to posts or threads you don’t like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know it's not new for parents to help their adult kids out with their first home financially but the number of parents I know buying their adult kids luxury homes is astounding. Has this become a new trend? I recently reunited with a few old friends from high school (we are now all in our early 30s and yes we grew up in expensive homes in a HCOL area) and a number of them have managed to buy 800K plus homes with their parents co-signing the mortgage because they would never be approved for it on their own. These people include a lawyer who put out a shingle and ekes out 65k a year, a friend who went to dental school and has the loans to prove it but upon graduation got married and pregnant and never practiced while her husband is a middle school teacher and an HR assistant at a fortune 500 company making 55k a year. I get helping your kids but why buy them such expensive houses when there salary would never justify it?

Maybe the HR assistant bought $1000 of Etherium in December 2016 and paid for the house in CASH. You assume a lot and have a toxic jealous mind. you should focus on yourself and not worry about the financial circumstances of others. It isn't healthy

They've openly admitted to their parents co signing so there's no assumption there. There is no jealousy here, I personally would not allow for my parents to co-sign a jumbo loan for me in my 30s. I just find it infantilizing and you'll always be beholden to your parents for their financial help rather than growing up and being an adult.

Totally agree. In a way, it means the parents are still in charge. I’m sure the PPs who were gifted homes have great parents, but usually when someone gives you a large sum of money, they expect things from you in return.

Parents of all economic status expect things from their kids.

We are talking about adult children, not minors. I make my own decisions as an adult. I’m not swayed by my parents’ wallet because I don’t take their money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

Did you pay your parents back the initial sum they gave you from the equity? I can’t imagine just keeping such a large sum of ‘help’ if I was able to pay it back. Dh and I did the normal scrimp and save for our first starter home and built our own equity. It’s much more satisfying knowing mommy and daddy didn’t do it for us.

+1 completely agree. I feel like it would be embarrassing and infantilizing to accept so much money for a house when you could afford one on your own, just not an 800k one

You can't fathom it because your parents don't have extreme excess wealth that they can't spend fast enough before they die. There is no need to "pay it back" because it will just come right back to them anyway. These kids will get the money one way or another: they got it for school, for all of the high end belongings their whole lives, their first car, investment accounts from birth and maybe even a trust fund, and so on, the house is just another thing for super wealthy people to spend money on and this one is actually a long term investment.

DP. This is all correct. Among the greatest of unearned privileges is socioeconomic or wealth privilege. But, unsurprisingly, this is not a type of privilege that the ruling class or powers that be like to focus on or criticize.

What's to criticize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is full of herself and projecting her brother issues onto the rest of the world.

Where did OP mention a brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who own in this market had parents give them a down payment, mostly around 100k. It took my husband and I 10 years to save that much and pay off our student loans while throwing away money in rent. Now we are finally in a position to buy and we cant because we aren’t competitive in this crazy market. Meanwhile our friends have turned their first condo/house into their second house and made significant profits while we have eeked by in the same apartment, diligently saving like fools. I don’t begrudge them their privilege, but it enrages me when they aren’t empathetic to our situation or act like they are better than we are because they are homeowners or had the good fortune to be born to parents who gave them a massive leg up over the rest of us.

We (were) in a similar situation due to our former social circle. I walked away from those friends, anyone who takes such an attitude is very toxic and not worth having around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread would be irrelevant if people could just mind their own business, focus on their own life rather than others, and seek happiness outside of material things.

Do you also not realize how privileged you are to be able to criticize other well off people for not being well off in the “right way”?

90% of you need to look into therapy.

Weirdly defensive response addressed to no one, bro.

+1. I suspect this thread touched on a sore spot for PP.

-1. I’m the PP you’re referring to and I would love if my parents bought me a house but sadly they are poor, so I don’t really have anything to be sore about. I’m just sick of the general awful attitude of people on this forum, clearly you included. It has become nothing but bickering and the constant theme is judging others based on money and neighborhoods and career, etc. Yeah yeah if I don’t like it I can leave — I know. But I use this forum to get insight on a few topics, mostly real estate related.

You sound whiny and negative. No one is forcing you to read or respond to posts or threads you don’t like.

Continued bickering and ironic negativity on your part. You do have a point though — I should stop responding to this childishness. Feel free to get the last word in so you can pat yourself on the back for your big accomplishment of the day in bickering on DC Urban Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do not come from money, like at all. My mom is gambling away any inheritance that I may have received, and my in-laws are absolutely broke. My husband and I are totally self-made and we bought our $900k home in the DMV a year ago at 30 with no help at all. I’m proud of us and I actually feel a bit sad for people who don’t get to see the fruits of their own labor everyday to the extent that we do. I love our life (and home) because we made it happen.

I feel bad for you that you have to deal with broke elderly parents. My parents managed to sock enough away to cover anything they need. That is the best inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends who own in this market had parents give them a down payment, mostly around 100k. It took my husband and I 10 years to save that much and pay off our student loans while throwing away money in rent. Now we are finally in a position to buy and we cant because we aren’t competitive in this crazy market. Meanwhile our friends have turned their first condo/house into their second house and made significant profits while we have eeked by in the same apartment, diligently saving like fools. I don’t begrudge them their privilege, but it enrages me when they aren’t empathetic to our situation or act like they are better than we are because they are homeowners or had the good fortune to be born to parents who gave them a massive leg up over the rest of us.

Why should your friends give you empathy when their situation and your situation is completely different? You are the product of your parents DNA. No good or bad fortune involved here. You could not have been born to the rich parents of your friends because then you would have been their sibling and equally well off. Sheesh.

Try and live frugally and save up so that you can at least give the leg up to your children. Are you doing that? Or are you like your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread would be irrelevant if people could just mind their own business, focus on their own life rather than others, and seek happiness outside of material things.

Do you also not realize how privileged you are to be able to criticize other well off people for not being well off in the “right way”?

90% of you need to look into therapy.

Weirdly defensive response addressed to no one, bro.

+1. I suspect this thread touched on a sore spot for PP.

-1. I’m the PP you’re referring to and I would love if my parents bought me a house but sadly they are poor, so I don’t really have anything to be sore about. I’m just sick of the general awful attitude of people on this forum, clearly you included. It has become nothing but bickering and the constant theme is judging others based on money and neighborhoods and career, etc. Yeah yeah if I don’t like it I can leave — I know. But I use this forum to get insight on a few topics, mostly real estate related.

You sound whiny and negative. No one is forcing you to read or respond to posts or threads you don’t like.

Continued bickering and ironic negativity on your part. You do have a point though — I should stop responding to this childishness. Feel free to get the last word in so you can pat yourself on the back for your big accomplishment of the day in bickering on DC Urban Mom.

You’re starting to make better choices! Good for you!

[Anonymous]

A lot of parents are offering to skip paying for a wedding and using that gigantic expense towards a down payment on a house and that makes a lot of sense.