Sister books the same wedding venue I wanted to get married at

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

Get over yourself. Maybe she wasn't able to book a hotel venue because of lack of availability, or pandemic restrictions, or whatever. Or maybe she simply watched "Bridgerton," wanted a ye olde house vibe, and remembered that lovely house you mentioned that one time.

You know, the one that...cranks out weddings? Because it's a popular wedding venue?

You didn't invent this place. Like, you didn't visit some historic house and get the genius idea that you could have your wedding there. It's a known wedding venue.

I hope she has a fabulous day without a sourpuss sister trying to ruin everything.

And, also? NO ONE OWES YOU A WEDDING. DH and I paid for our weddings. Like grown-ups. Because it's not the 1800s, and people don't get married at 19 anymore.

OP here. Sure lady. DH and I paid for our own wedding at 26-27. My sister will be 31 when married and the entire production is funded by her rich in laws. All she has to do is show up.

Good for her!

I hope it's the best wedding ever. I'm glad she attracted a fabulous man who has a fabulous, rich family. Maybe it's because she doesn't have a lemon-face and a stank attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

Get over yourself. Maybe she wasn't able to book a hotel venue because of lack of availability, or pandemic restrictions, or whatever. Or maybe she simply watched "Bridgerton," wanted a ye olde house vibe, and remembered that lovely house you mentioned that one time.

You know, the one that...cranks out weddings? Because it's a popular wedding venue?

You didn't invent this place. Like, you didn't visit some historic house and get the genius idea that you could have your wedding there. It's a known wedding venue.

I hope she has a fabulous day without a sourpuss sister trying to ruin everything.

And, also? NO ONE OWES YOU A WEDDING. DH and I paid for our weddings. Like grown-ups. Because it's not the 1800s, and people don't get married at 19 anymore.

OP here. Sure lady. DH and I paid for our own wedding at 26-27. My sister will be 31 when married and the entire production is funded by her rich in laws. All she has to do is show up.

Good for her!

I hope it's the best wedding ever. I'm glad she attracted a fabulous man who has a fabulous, rich family. Maybe it's because she doesn't have a lemon-face and a stank attitude.

You are mean and a bully.

[Anonymous]

OP, On a different tangent, I was telling my kids tonight how I wished I had waited and worked to save money an extra year because my wedding memories are tainted by the incredible money stress of that time. It felt like something I did for our families but not for myself: no fancy car, secondhand dress, food was not great, no music or dancing on the day itself although we had a reception in his country a week later that was much nicer. I think that frustration is overcoming you. For years when things went wrong between DH and me I would resent him for us not having had the kind of wedding and rings I wanted. At least you feel you have had a happy marriage, which is what matters most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, On a different tangent, I was telling my kids tonight how I wished I had waited and worked to save money an extra year because my wedding memories are tainted by the incredible money stress of that time. It felt like something I did for our families but not for myself: no fancy car, secondhand dress, food was not great, no music or dancing on the day itself although we had a reception in his country a week later that was much nicer. I think that frustration is overcoming you. For years when things went wrong between DH and me I would resent him for us not having had the kind of wedding and rings I wanted. At least you feel you have had a happy marriage, which is what matters most.

OP here. Yes, I do not look back at the time of my wedding fondly as it was SO stressful and riddled with disappointment. Everything I wanted I couldn't afford. And what we could afford was not to my taste but I accepted it because I would rather be married than not.

I did not get to be excited about designing my own perfect wedding invitations, or wedding bouquets or the flowers or the table settings.

Everything was barebones and DH and I fought a lot during the process.

So, it stings that others, like my sister who also does not have money, gets to enjoy the entire process because she happened to catch the eye of a rich guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't sound old enough to be married. Stop embarrassing yourself

+1
You need to move on from your wedding planning phase of life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

Get over yourself. Maybe she wasn't able to book a hotel venue because of lack of availability, or pandemic restrictions, or whatever. Or maybe she simply watched "Bridgerton," wanted a ye olde house vibe, and remembered that lovely house you mentioned that one time.

You know, the one that...cranks out weddings? Because it's a popular wedding venue?

You didn't invent this place. Like, you didn't visit some historic house and get the genius idea that you could have your wedding there. It's a known wedding venue.

I hope she has a fabulous day without a sourpuss sister trying to ruin everything.

And, also? NO ONE OWES YOU A WEDDING. DH and I paid for our weddings. Like grown-ups. Because it's not the 1800s, and people don't get married at 19 anymore.

OP here. Sure lady. DH and I paid for our own wedding at 26-27. My sister will be 31 when married and the entire production is funded by her rich in laws. All she has to do is show up.

You make yourself look worse with each post. You are so jealous it is painful to read. Get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, On a different tangent, I was telling my kids tonight how I wished I had waited and worked to save money an extra year because my wedding memories are tainted by the incredible money stress of that time. It felt like something I did for our families but not for myself: no fancy car, secondhand dress, food was not great, no music or dancing on the day itself although we had a reception in his country a week later that was much nicer. I think that frustration is overcoming you. For years when things went wrong between DH and me I would resent him for us not having had the kind of wedding and rings I wanted. At least you feel you have had a happy marriage, which is what matters most.

OP here. Yes, I do not look back at the time of my wedding fondly as it was SO stressful and riddled with disappointment. Everything I wanted I couldn't afford. And what we could afford was not to my taste but I accepted it because I would rather be married than not.

I did not get to be excited about designing my own perfect wedding invitations, or wedding bouquets or the flowers or the table settings.

Everything was barebones and DH and I fought a lot during the process.

So, it stings that others, like my sister who also does not have money, gets to enjoy the entire process because she happened to catch the eye of a rich guy.

Why don't you earn more money?

[Anonymous]

OP the more you post....You married young and paid for your wedding yourself. Yeah. But now your sister who waited until she was more than 5 years older than you - and my goodness - it sounds like YEARS after you hopefully matured and have celebrated other milestones and achievements - had wedding in a venue known for weddings. As you sit in this beautiful space when the nuptials occur please take time to reflect on what marriage is and how coveting another’s life is a failing. You may be right that your sister is guilty of it herself but she doesn’t seem to be suffering from another failing-that of jealousy.

[Anonymous]

I’m older. We’ll probably go to the courthouse when we finally make it official. My father passed away before he could walk me down the aisle. My sister married young, had the parent provided wedding; has the greatest pics with our dad. I envy her. It’s different than your situation, but not an uncommon response. To wish things were different. But in the end this is her wedding. Just show up and enjoy what you can. You have so many other opportunities to do your own thing in life. Your sis might be challenging, but you don’t have to buy into it by being upset any longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

But could she possibly know you're still resentful you didn't get your "dream" wedding? It sounds like it's been years, and you aren't close at all, so you most likely haven't confided in her that this is an ongoing pain point for you. She may not be thinking of you at all the way you seem to imply, but more of an "Ooh, how about that place big sis loved 10 years ago? That was pretty nice, let's check it out". Many people, me included, just don't place as much value on weddings, and can't quite relate to having a "wedding of one's dreams". I had a wedding because my husband really wanted to have one, but I would have been happy with a trip to the courthouse and a nice dinner with loved ones after. I can honestly say I had no "dream wedding", "dream venue", dress, etc.

My only sister is many years younger and so we've had very different experiences growing up in the same family. When I was a teen entering college, we were struggling new immigrants. I lived at home and couldn't afford a car. I commuted for hours each day on public transportation to go to university. I also worked a part time job to pay for my own books and expenses. I was perpetually exhausted. By the time my sister was that same age and entering school, my parents had gotten back on their feet and build up savings. They paid for her to attend university and live on campus, bought a car for her use, and she didn't need to work unless she wanted to. I am a little sad thinking of the college experience I didn't have. But I don't resent my sister for it... I recognize that circumstances were different, and I have always been tougher, more mature and independent than she is as a result.

So if you can, try to put a positive spin on it. You are happily married. You're successful financially. These are big successes to be celebrated. You know what they say about anger/any other negative emotion - it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, On a different tangent, I was telling my kids tonight how I wished I had waited and worked to save money an extra year because my wedding memories are tainted by the incredible money stress of that time. It felt like something I did for our families but not for myself: no fancy car, secondhand dress, food was not great, no music or dancing on the day itself although we had a reception in his country a week later that was much nicer. I think that frustration is overcoming you. For years when things went wrong between DH and me I would resent him for us not having had the kind of wedding and rings I wanted. At least you feel you have had a happy marriage, which is what matters most.

OP here. Yes, I do not look back at the time of my wedding fondly as it was SO stressful and riddled with disappointment. Everything I wanted I couldn't afford. And what we could afford was not to my taste but I accepted it because I would rather be married than not.

I did not get to be excited about designing my own perfect wedding invitations, or wedding bouquets or the flowers or the table settings.

Everything was barebones and DH and I fought a lot during the process.

So, it stings that others, like my sister who also does not have money, gets to enjoy the entire process because she happened to catch the eye of a rich guy.

THen you shouldn't have had a production wedding. You can get married without all of the "but I want to be a Princesssssss"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, On a different tangent, I was telling my kids tonight how I wished I had waited and worked to save money an extra year because my wedding memories are tainted by the incredible money stress of that time. It felt like something I did for our families but not for myself: no fancy car, secondhand dress, food was not great, no music or dancing on the day itself although we had a reception in his country a week later that was much nicer. I think that frustration is overcoming you. For years when things went wrong between DH and me I would resent him for us not having had the kind of wedding and rings I wanted. At least you feel you have had a happy marriage, which is what matters most.

OP here. Yes, I do not look back at the time of my wedding fondly as it was SO stressful and riddled with disappointment. Everything I wanted I couldn't afford. And what we could afford was not to my taste but I accepted it because I would rather be married than not.

I did not get to be excited about designing my own perfect wedding invitations, or wedding bouquets or the flowers or the table settings.

Everything was barebones and DH and I fought a lot during the process.

So, it stings that others, like my sister who also does not have money, gets to enjoy the entire process because she happened to catch the eye of a rich guy.

I never liked weddings, many don't go well.

Still of all places I find it odd and insensitive your sister chose the same place. Is it possible the in-laws picked it, not your sister?

You know your sister if she did it to spite you or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

But could she possibly know you're still resentful you didn't get your "dream" wedding? It sounds like it's been years, and you aren't close at all, so you most likely haven't confided in her that this is an ongoing pain point for you. She may not be thinking of you at all the way you seem to imply, but more of an "Ooh, how about that place big sis loved 10 years ago? That was pretty nice, let's check it out". Many people, me included, just don't place as much value on weddings, and can't quite relate to having a "wedding of one's dreams". I had a wedding because my husband really wanted to have one, but I would have been happy with a trip to the courthouse and a nice dinner with loved ones after. I can honestly say I had no "dream wedding", "dream venue", dress, etc.

My only sister is many years younger and so we've had very different experiences growing up in the same family. When I was a teen entering college, we were struggling new immigrants. I lived at home and couldn't afford a car. I commuted for hours each day on public transportation to go to university. I also worked a part time job to pay for my own books and expenses. I was perpetually exhausted. By the time my sister was that same age and entering school, my parents had gotten back on their feet and build up savings. They paid for her to attend university and live on campus, bought a car for her use, and she didn't need to work unless she wanted to. I am a little sad thinking of the college experience I didn't have. But I don't resent my sister for it... I recognize that circumstances were different, and I have always been tougher, more mature and independent than she is as a result.

So if you can, try to put a positive spin on it. You are happily married. You're successful financially. These are big successes to be celebrated. You know what they say about anger/any other negative emotion - it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

+1

Nicely done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

Get over yourself. Maybe she wasn't able to book a hotel venue because of lack of availability, or pandemic restrictions, or whatever. Or maybe she simply watched "Bridgerton," wanted a ye olde house vibe, and remembered that lovely house you mentioned that one time.

You know, the one that...cranks out weddings? Because it's a popular wedding venue?

You didn't invent this place. Like, you didn't visit some historic house and get the genius idea that you could have your wedding there. It's a known wedding venue.

I hope she has a fabulous day without a sourpuss sister trying to ruin everything.

And, also? NO ONE OWES YOU A WEDDING. DH and I paid for our weddings. Like grown-ups. Because it's not the 1800s, and people don't get married at 19 anymore.

OP here. Sure lady. DH and I paid for our own wedding at 26-27. My sister will be 31 when married and the entire production is funded by her rich in laws. All she has to do is show up.

Good for her!

I hope it's the best wedding ever. I'm glad she attracted a fabulous man who has a fabulous, rich family. Maybe it's because she doesn't have a lemon-face and a stank attitude.

x1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

Get over yourself. Maybe she wasn't able to book a hotel venue because of lack of availability, or pandemic restrictions, or whatever. Or maybe she simply watched "Bridgerton," wanted a ye olde house vibe, and remembered that lovely house you mentioned that one time.

You know, the one that...cranks out weddings? Because it's a popular wedding venue?

You didn't invent this place. Like, you didn't visit some historic house and get the genius idea that you could have your wedding there. It's a known wedding venue.

I hope she has a fabulous day without a sourpuss sister trying to ruin everything.

And, also? NO ONE OWES YOU A WEDDING. DH and I paid for our weddings. Like grown-ups. Because it's not the 1800s, and people don't get married at 19 anymore.

OP here. Sure lady. DH and I paid for our own wedding at 26-27. My sister will be 31 when married and the entire production is funded by her rich in laws. All she has to do is show up.

You make yourself look worse with each post. You are so jealous it is painful to read. Get therapy.

It's hard to believe, but true.