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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am resentful and hurt because I never did get my "dream" wedding. Husband and I were not making a lot of money and neither of our families could afford to help us. I compromised as I wanted to marry my husband and years later we are happy and making more money than we could ever have dreamed. I still am sore about not having a "dream wedding" especially as I watch other people and now my own  sister get to do the same.

I don't even care about her dream wedding. I am just hurt that she would get the same venue I had specifically dreamt of and had an attachment to. It is an old historic house and those kinds of things are not even her "thing." They were talking of booking their wedding at a fancy hotel... and now they switched to this venue.

She also has a history of seemingly one-upping me. Or that is how it has always felt to me. We do not have the best relationship. If I do x she'll need to to x but bigger and better.

But ugh. What can I do, I'll show up and try to have a nice time.

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But could she possibly know you're still resentful you didn't get your "dream" wedding? It sounds like it's been years, and you aren't close at all, so you most likely haven't confided in her that this is an ongoing pain point for you. She may not be thinking of you at all the way you seem to imply, but more of an "Ooh, how about that place big sis loved 10 years ago? That was pretty nice, let's check it out". Many people, me included, just don't place as much value on weddings, and can't quite relate to having a "wedding of one's dreams". I had a wedding because my husband really wanted to have one, but I would have been happy with a trip to the courthouse and a nice dinner with loved ones after. I can honestly say I had no "dream wedding", "dream venue", dress, etc.

My only sister is many years younger and so we've had very different experiences growing up in the same family. When I was a teen entering college, we were struggling new immigrants. I lived at home and couldn't afford a car. I commuted for hours each day on public transportation to go to university. I also worked a part time job to pay for my own books and expenses. I was perpetually exhausted. By the time my sister was that same age and entering school, my parents had gotten back on their feet and build up savings. They paid for her to attend university and live on campus, bought a car for her use, and she didn't need to work unless she wanted to. I am a little sad thinking of the college experience I didn't have. But I don't resent my sister for it... I recognize that circumstances were different, and I have always been tougher, more mature and independent than she is as a result.

So if you can, try to put a positive spin on it. You are happily married. You're successful financially. These are big successes to be celebrated. You know what they say about anger/any other negative emotion - it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  [/quote]

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