Average kid in an Ivy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the bottom line is people are likely to hype up their own kid in their minds (his grades aren't perfect, but look at those extracurriculars!!) and dismiss the achievements of kids not their own (assuming every URM would not have gotten in without that "hook," calling a kid average when you don't actually know their scores/GPA/essays). It's much more likely that the kid is actually an exceptional candidate in a way that is not on your radar than that the parents have bribed the kid's way in.

+1,000
I find that the parents who constantly brag about their kids’ accomplishments - on social media and/or in person - are always the ones who are shocked to find out that other kids are extremely bright or accomplished. They simply don’t talk about it or have obnoxious parents who do. It’s pretty delicious when the first kind of parent finds out that the kid they always assumed was “average” because they kept a low profile, is actually headed to an Ivy or equivalent.

No, I get it. But when people question how your kid got there, that's pretty bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if a crazy striver Tiger Mom shoehorns their kid in, if they don't have the internal drive the experience is squandered. You can't control your kid at college, your future Goldman banker or surgeon will do their own thing and there's nothing you can do about it. So you'll brag they got in, but four years later when they land some average career or can only get into a mediocre law school, you'll realize it was all pretty pointless. Meanwhile your Facebook timeline will be full of normal state university kids they went to high school with going to medical school and making big bucks in random paths from pharmaceutical sales to software engineering.

+1

Wonder when the shoehorning stops. Hounding professors for a grade? Hounding a coach for a scholarship renewal? Hounding a spouse to marry your kid? Where does it stop?

Strivers are very particular about their specifications. When does the life become their kids life and not theirs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher.

I know one average kid at Brown three years ago. He had no hobbies or activities outside of school and did not socialize or have friends of any kind. He was rude and disrespectful to teachers. His parents, however, were super pushy and would arrive to argue with any teacher who gave their child less than an A in anything.

This was at an international school in a country that happened to be experiencing some conflict. The family was American and the student had no interaction with the local community outside of his family, who moved in an expat bubble. The father, however, emailed me the son's application essay one evening, then arrived at school to offer me money to edit it and to provide a letter of rec. I didn't do either of those things, but I did read the letter, and it 100% fabricated: it was all about the boy volunteering to fight for the rights of locals in the country and experiencing real physical combat, etc., etc. All lies.

None of the American teachers at the school would agree to provide references, but I am sure the father paid off some of the "local hire" teachers, who were all paid far less than the expats and would have been happy to provide references in exchange for $$$

It worked. He got in.

I am sure there are many other average students with steamroller parents who can make things happen.

+1

Yes, but are they willing to do 4 years of homework and in person exams for them; plus, the sport that the student does not excel at?

Not quite Felicity Huffman getting her kid in the pool for a photo op, but not that different.

Lori Loughlin was the one who faked her kids being in crew

[Anonymous]

Lady, I'm 99.9% IQ and I make high six figures doing a job that requires high intellect. I know it's hard to understand for someone searching Rachel Ray recipes and venturing into a random thread trying to bring up her freshman statistics knowledge. "But muh friends whose educated doesn't USE the word 'average'". It's in the thread title, genius.

“DP. Bro this is so cringe. Everyone who read this is dying from second hand embarrassment.“

Still laughing at this response to the misogynistic fake statistician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher.

I know one average kid at Brown three years ago. He had no hobbies or activities outside of school and did not socialize or have friends of any kind. He was rude and disrespectful to teachers. His parents, however, were super pushy and would arrive to argue with any teacher who gave their child less than an A in anything.

This was at an international school in a country that happened to be experiencing some conflict. The family was American and the student had no interaction with the local community outside of his family, who moved in an expat bubble. The father, however, emailed me the son's application essay one evening, then arrived at school to offer me money to edit it and to provide a letter of rec. I didn't do either of those things, but I did read the letter, and it 100% fabricated: it was all about the boy volunteering to fight for the rights of locals in the country and experiencing real physical combat, etc., etc. All lies.

None of the American teachers at the school would agree to provide references, but I am sure the father paid off some of the "local hire" teachers, who were all paid far less than the expats and would have been happy to provide references in exchange for $$$

It worked. He got in.

I am sure there are many other average students with steamroller parents who can make things happen.

+1

Yes, but are they willing to do 4 years of homework and in person exams for them; plus, the sport that the student does not excel at?

Not quite Felicity Huffman getting her kid in the pool for a photo op, but not that different.

Lori Loughlin was the one who faked her kids being in crew

Same idea. Maybe the mom plans to get on the field and do the sports, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the bottom line is people are likely to hype up their own kid in their minds (his grades aren't perfect, but look at those extracurriculars!!) and dismiss the achievements of kids not their own (assuming every URM would not have gotten in without that "hook," calling a kid average when you don't actually know their scores/GPA/essays). It's much more likely that the kid is actually an exceptional candidate in a way that is not on your radar than that the parents have bribed the kid's way in.

+1,000
I find that the parents who constantly brag about their kids’ accomplishments - on social media and/or in person - are always the ones who are shocked to find out that other kids are extremely bright or accomplished. They simply don’t talk about it or have obnoxious parents who do. It’s pretty delicious when the first kind of parent finds out that the kid they always assumed was “average” because they kept a low profile, is actually headed to an Ivy or equivalent.

No, I get it. But when people question how your kid got there, that's pretty bad.

If you mean "bad by the people who question", then yes, +1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the bottom line is people are likely to hype up their own kid in their minds (his grades aren't perfect, but look at those extracurriculars!!) and dismiss the achievements of kids not their own (assuming every URM would not have gotten in without that "hook," calling a kid average when you don't actually know their scores/GPA/essays). It's much more likely that the kid is actually an exceptional candidate in a way that is not on your radar than that the parents have bribed the kid's way in.

+1,000
I find that the parents who constantly brag about their kids’ accomplishments - on social media and/or in person - are always the ones who are shocked to find out that other kids are extremely bright or accomplished. They simply don’t talk about it or have obnoxious parents who do. It’s pretty delicious when the first kind of parent finds out that the kid they always assumed was “average” because they kept a low profile, is actually headed to an Ivy or equivalent.

No, I get it. But when people question how your kid got there, that's pretty bad.

If you mean "bad by the people who question", then yes, +1000.

What? If people think your kid isn't a candidate, then maybe s/he is not, and maybe there is no secret. Kids know other kids grades, activities and stats, high school is a small community - no matter the size, but especially true in the small schools in this area.

If it is not you, don't worry about it.

If it is you, then learn not to be so defensive about it, because people will question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the bottom line is people are likely to hype up their own kid in their minds (his grades aren't perfect, but look at those extracurriculars!!) and dismiss the achievements of kids not their own (assuming every URM would not have gotten in without that "hook," calling a kid average when you don't actually know their scores/GPA/essays). It's much more likely that the kid is actually an exceptional candidate in a way that is not on your radar than that the parents have bribed the kid's way in.

+1,000
I find that the parents who constantly brag about their kids’ accomplishments - on social media and/or in person - are always the ones who are shocked to find out that other kids are extremely bright or accomplished. They simply don’t talk about it or have obnoxious parents who do. It’s pretty delicious when the first kind of parent finds out that the kid they always assumed was “average” because they kept a low profile, is actually headed to an Ivy or equivalent.

No, I get it. But when people question how your kid got there, that's pretty bad.

If you mean "bad by the people who question", then yes, +1000.

What? If people think your kid isn't a candidate, then maybe s/he is not, and maybe there is no secret. Kids know other kids grades, activities and stats, high school is a small community - no matter the size, but especially true in the small schools in this area.

If it is not you, don't worry about it.

If it is you, then learn not to be so defensive about it, because people will question.

Yes, I know they will question, but they are assholes when they do.

When my oldest kid was accepted to an ivy, people asked "what did you do?" like there was some trick or aunt becky method. The answer was "nothing". They didn't know even though many of his accomplishments were publicized (not by us, NMS, Presidential Scholar Candidate, etc). We're not a tiger family he just wanted it and worked his butt off. Even though I am proud of him I feared it was the "race to nowhere" so I am glad it worked out for him.

I don't know what drives these people who ask. I make a point of saying "great school" even if i don't know about it. Because you know what? Most non-profit colleges are pretty great places for somebody. Yes, even CC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the bottom line is people are likely to hype up their own kid in their minds (his grades aren't perfect, but look at those extracurriculars!!) and dismiss the achievements of kids not their own (assuming every URM would not have gotten in without that "hook," calling a kid average when you don't actually know their scores/GPA/essays). It's much more likely that the kid is actually an exceptional candidate in a way that is not on your radar than that the parents have bribed the kid's way in.

+1,000
I find that the parents who constantly brag about their kids’ accomplishments - on social media and/or in person - are always the ones who are shocked to find out that other kids are extremely bright or accomplished. They simply don’t talk about it or have obnoxious parents who do. It’s pretty delicious when the first kind of parent finds out that the kid they always assumed was “average” because they kept a low profile, is actually headed to an Ivy or equivalent.

No, I get it. But when people question how your kid got there, that's pretty bad.

If you mean "bad by the people who question", then yes, +1000.

What? If people think your kid isn't a candidate, then maybe s/he is not, and maybe there is no secret. Kids know other kids grades, activities and stats, high school is a small community - no matter the size, but especially true in the small schools in this area.

If it is not you, don't worry about it.

If it is you, then learn not to be so defensive about it, because people will question.

Yes, I know they will question, but they are assholes when they do.

When my oldest kid was accepted to an ivy, people asked "what did you do?" like there was some trick or aunt becky method. The answer was "nothing". They didn't know even though many of his accomplishments were publicized (not by us, NMS, Presidential Scholar Candidate, etc). We're not a tiger family he just wanted it and worked his butt off. Even though I am proud of him I feared it was the "race to nowhere" so I am glad it worked out for him.

I don't know what drives these people who ask. I make a point of saying "great school" even if i don't know about it. Because you know what? Most non-profit colleges are pretty great places for somebody. Yes, even CC.

CC? What is CC?

There is no such thing as a non profit college. Whomever pays the tab if profiting the higher ups, it is a business.

I think if the family has money, there is an automatic assumption that someone made a large donation. Not saying it is right, just saying that goes with the territory. A kid from a rich family will always be questioned, if not out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
CC? What is CC?

Well known shorthand for Community College. Anyone who could not realize that in this thread's context clearly has not done much reading or research on the subject.

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a non profit college. Whomever pays the tab if profiting the higher ups, it is a business.

This statement is both massively ignorant and stupid. It also tries to make some pseudo-political point while ignoring the context of the statement it refers to

https://thebestschools.org/magazine/for-profit-vs-non-profit/

Anonymous wrote:I think if the family has money, there is an automatic assumption that someone made a large donation. Not saying it is right, just saying that goes with the territory. A kid from a rich family will always be questioned, if not out loud.

And you know what they say about assumptions. Says way more about you than the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
CC? What is CC?

Well known shorthand for Community College. Anyone who could not realize that in this thread's context clearly has not done much reading or research on the subject.

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a non profit college. Whomever pays the tab if profiting the higher ups, it is a business.

This statement is both massively ignorant and stupid. It also tries to make some pseudo-political point while ignoring the context of the statement it refers to

https://thebestschools.org/magazine/for-profit-vs-non-profit/

Anonymous wrote:I think if the family has money, there is an automatic assumption that someone made a large donation. Not saying it is right, just saying that goes with the territory. A kid from a rich family will always be questioned, if not out loud.

And you know what they say about assumptions. Says way more about you than the subject.

You seem really condescending. May you find peace.

People will think what they will, and you can not and will not ever control that, so you better get used to it. Kids talk. You can parent, or you can look defensive and guilty. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

Nearly all the legacy kids are average. My guess is you don’t know enough about this child to judge, nor do you understand what universities are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
CC? What is CC?

Well known shorthand for Community College. Anyone who could not realize that in this thread's context clearly has not done much reading or research on the subject.

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a non profit college. Whomever pays the tab if profiting the higher ups, it is a business.

This statement is both massively ignorant and stupid. It also tries to make some pseudo-political point while ignoring the context of the statement it refers to

https://thebestschools.org/magazine/for-profit-vs-non-profit/

Anonymous wrote:I think if the family has money, there is an automatic assumption that someone made a large donation. Not saying it is right, just saying that goes with the territory. A kid from a rich family will always be questioned, if not out loud.

And you know what they say about assumptions. Says way more about you than the subject.

You seem really condescending. May you find peace.

People will think what they will, and you can not and will not ever control that, so you better get used to it. Kids talk. You can parent, or you can look defensive and guilty. Your choice.

I agree, I am very condescending to people trying to justify offensive behavior. May you find tact.

(ps "may you find peace" is about the most condescending phrase I could possibly think of. Don't you see the irony in your own message?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if a crazy striver Tiger Mom shoehorns their kid in, if they don't have the internal drive the experience is squandered. You can't control your kid at college, your future Goldman banker or surgeon will do their own thing and there's nothing you can do about it. So you'll brag they got in, but four years later when they land some average career or can only get into a mediocre law school, you'll realize it was all pretty pointless. Meanwhile your Facebook timeline will be full of normal state university kids they went to high school with going to medical school and making big bucks in random paths from pharmaceutical sales to software engineering.

It would seem that you're projecting your own sad mediocrity on others.

Sweetie, two of our children landed at "elite" schools and a third at a top public university. In the last decade I've seen plenty of average careers with an elite college bachelor's to know it's not a lottery ticket - not even close. Once kids head off to college, everyone is onto what's next - prestige internships, medical school, job offers, elite law school, who they're dating, which premier city after college.

Elite college or not, the internally motivated, impressive, and charismatic cream always ends up on top. It's actually embarrassing when ruthless striver moms boast about their teen shoehorned into a prestige college, yet four or five years later neurotic Tiger Mom has nothing more to brag about because the now 22 or 23 year old didn't set the world on fire, s/he's just working a normal 9-5 gig like every other state schooler. When the kids are in their 20s you can't hang your hat on where they got into undergrad - everyone's moved onto what they're up to now.

And the kid's college and post college social circle and dating pool isn't powerful pool of multi-millionaires, it's just normal middle class peers because if they weren't mixing with them prior to college, they rarely penetrate those orbits at and especially after college.

[Anonymous]

I think getting into an ivy is seen as the “brass ring” to striver moms.