Girlfriend Cheated On Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out?

OP here. My buddy’s co-worker is the guy. They were hanging out and he saw pics of all of us together and asked who I was. He told my friend that they had a one time thing but she stopped talking to him after she met someone she was serious about. I don’t really know the exact time they slept together but I know it was within the first two months.

Dude. She dumped the other guy for you. What’s the problem?

This.

Quite possibly he dumped her or ghosted her ...

OP said the other guy said she told him she met someone she wanted to get serious with and stopped talking to him. She broke it off. But keep on trying to slut shame her for dating. Men want to have sex but don't want women to have had sex. Make that make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out?

OP here. My buddy’s co-worker is the guy. They were hanging out and he saw pics of all of us together and asked who I was. He told my friend that they had a one time thing but she stopped talking to him after she met someone she was serious about. I don’t really know the exact time they slept together but I know it was within the first two months.

Dude. She dumped the other guy for you. What’s the problem?

This.

The problem is, she had sex with some other dude while she was dating him. It is totally legit for him to have a problem with that.

Yes, yes, every woman in this thread wants to insist that it shouldn't be a problem - because every woman in this thread has done that - but that's irrelevant.

Find yourself a 35 year old virgin then.

Women have no problem with this because there IS no problem with this.

You are incredibly stupid if you think only virgins sleep with one guy at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out?

OP here. My buddy’s co-worker is the guy. They were hanging out and he saw pics of all of us together and asked who I was. He told my friend that they had a one time thing but she stopped talking to him after she met someone she was serious about. I don’t really know the exact time they slept together but I know it was within the first two months.

Dude. She dumped the other guy for you. What’s the problem?

This.

Quite possibly he dumped her or ghosted her ...

OP said the other guy said she told him she met someone she wanted to get serious with and stopped talking to him. She broke it off. But keep on trying to slut shame her for dating. Men want to have sex but don't want women to have had sex. Make that make sense.

Yeah you could never find a woman who would object to a man sleeping with other women while he’s dating her. 🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing her. Women are such good liars that, even when found out they will trickle truth you and greatly minimize the truth.

So you giys didn't have sex until 5th date while she let you believe she was single when you met and not seeing anyone while dating you? But she bangs this guy during that time? And it was just once? Hey, if you believe that then maybe you can go forward. I've been lied to by enough women that I'd never believe it.

Why don't you ask that other guy? Say hey, I know you two were together for a while. Want to make sure that's completely over before I get serious with her. Then try to have a friendly conversation with him where you can find out more. Then go back to her for more trickle truth and MI izing

No point in asking the other guy. OP doesn’t trust his girlfriend to tell the truth. The relationship is dead. He will always be wondering and looking for her to mess around.

I definitely continued dating others before my husband and I spoke and decided to be exclusive. He was too. I was not going to assume he was committed to me until he said so, and therefore I was single and acted accordingly.

If women are such great liars, how come statistically more guys cheat? And spare me all the reasons why men cheat. A cheater is a liar and there’s no gray area. Does this mean men are actually more prone to lying?

Not me. From the first date (really first time I laid eyes on him), I was hooked. Zero desire to date anyone else. We were together all of the time immediately. 25 years later...

See, OP? She was never hooked on you. You shouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t hooked on you from the get-go.

This guy is a straight up troll. Or a child. No 35 year old adult believes that successful marriages require “hooked” and exclusive from the first date. I wonder if OP is falling for this parody of machismo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If GF is telling the truth, then there's nothing wrong with what she did.

The problem is that her truth is not very believable. Some friend of a friend randomly sees her in a pic and comments that he slept with her a year ago. When confronted, the convenient facts are such that she slept with this guy exactly once, in the one week period after she had gone on a few dates with OP but hadn't yet slept with him And based on sleeping with this guy ONCE in that random one week period, she tells the guy she had a big crush on him BUT decided she wants to be with OP. The timing of all this is just too unbelievable.

Let's say, worst case, OP's GF started sleeping with this guy right after she started dating OP and it lasted a couple months, plus a couple oops-ie encounters in months 3 and 4. Definitely into shady territory. If OP confronted the GF about it, the story she has told OP here is EXACTLY what a lying girlfriend would say to cover up this shady situation.

Dating for a year is not enough time to know whether your GF is an untrustworthy liar.

100% agree. She has middle aged Ashley Madison Ho written all over her. She is settling for the ring and kids and then will still go out behind your back looking for big D.

This, above, does seem like a plausible scenario. Quite plausible. It’s how life works. I like the other poster’s idea about getting some background from the other guy.

Can you please stop trolling this poor guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife did the same thing... EXCEPT I found out on our honeymoon when she was excited and talking about when we first met and she told me about 2 guys she was with in a certain month and then I reminded her that was AFTER we were supposedly "exclusive." The look on her face was a mixture of fear and denial NOT remorse. I let it go because it was "in the past." I should have divorced her right then because, guess what, she she did it again. Now our finances are entwined and I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't stand to look at her.

You just married a liar and a chat. Nothing in OPs posts indicates that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing her. Women are such good liars that, even when found out they will trickle truth you and greatly minimize the truth.

So you giys didn't have sex until 5th date while she let you believe she was single when you met and not seeing anyone while dating you? But she bangs this guy during that time? And it was just once? Hey, if you believe that then maybe you can go forward. I've been lied to by enough women that I'd never believe it.

Why don't you ask that other guy? Say hey, I know you two were together for a while. Want to make sure that's completely over before I get serious with her. Then try to have a friendly conversation with him where you can find out more. Then go back to her for more trickle truth and MI izing

No point in asking the other guy. OP doesn’t trust his girlfriend to tell the truth. The relationship is dead. He will always be wondering and looking for her to mess around.

I definitely continued dating others before my husband and I spoke and decided to be exclusive. He was too. I was not going to assume he was committed to me until he said so, and therefore I was single and acted accordingly.

If women are such great liars, how come statistically more guys cheat? And spare me all the reasons why men cheat. A cheater is a liar and there’s no gray area. Does this mean men are actually more prone to lying?

Who do you think they are cheating with? These days, it's at least equal but men probably do get caught more often. Women really are good at lying and not getting caught and women will cover for each other without question, more so than men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

...and, he's being the good guy, waiting 5 dates to have sex while she isn't waiting for anything. She's banging some other guy while he's being a gentleman, thinking he's respecting her and their relationship while waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

...and, he's being the good guy, waiting 5 dates to have sex while she isn't waiting for anything. She's banging some other guy while he's being a gentleman, thinking he's respecting her and their relationship while waiting.

So angry! She had every right to bang whoever she pleased. She owed him nothing in five dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's hoping girlfriend is seeing the true colors of this man she is with and leaves him.

Im pretty quick to see misogyny in any corner (my husband gets tired of it), but i don't see misogyny in OP's posts. In his first post, he had recently found out that his GF - whom he was close to proposing to -- slept with someone as as recently as 17% into the timeline of their entire relationship. Seventeen percent!!! That's a huge amount of the time they've been together, and no wonder it can put his understanding of their relationship in a different light.

While Millennials have bizarrely been able to convince themselves that you have no obligation to the feelings of the person you're dating until you have an exclusivity conversation, the generations before them did not follow this protocol. I'm cusp gen X-gen Y, and like another gen X poster, you would never have dated 2 people at once unless you were a jerk. Even if millennials have normalized this crappy behavior, it's not unreasonable for someone to be hurt by it. Much like ghosting friends has been normalized in the last 15 years, it doesn't mean that the victim isn't entitled to be hurt, or that the victim can't judge the ghoster. By the same token, if OP thinks it reflects badly on his GF for her to have been dating multiple people before the exclusivity convo (like anyone over the age of 35 feels), then i'm not sure why this is misogyny. Those are valid feelings, and feels like a violation of your trust or what *he* understood were the basic building blocks of their relationship.

Totally agree with this. OP seems like a really decent guy and I hope it all works out for the best for him. I do wonder if posters like you on the cusp of gen X or Y do see things a little differently. Yes we dated but only one person at a time and you could pick the duds by the ones that multi dated at a time. The decent guys dated one person at a time and were genuine. This belief is hard to let go of.

I get that things are different now. I get that males and females sleep around with different people whilst dating however I also think this can lead to hurt feelings if one person is more serious than the other earlier on. I think it's wise he takes some more time before popping the question so it feels right for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone saying that OP is misogynist because he is judging his GF for their pre-exclusivity conversation...... OP would be misogynistic if he were judging her for having sex with someone before they started dating. That's not what happened here. She had sex with the dude after they started dating but before the exclusivity conversation. There's nothing misogynistic about not being cool with multi-daters. OP didn't say she was a whore or anything. Just that this puts his understsanding of the relationship in a new light, and he needs to tread slowly. That seems totally reasonable, and VERY different than, say, being grossed up by finding out her number of former sexual partners.

...and, he's being the good guy, waiting 5 dates to have sex while she isn't waiting for anything. She's banging some other guy while he's being a gentleman, thinking he's respecting her and their relationship while waiting.

So angry! She had every right to bang whoever she pleased. She owed him nothing in five dates.

Yeah, you can bang whoever you like. Not while dating any self-respecting man though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing her. Women are such good liars that, even when found out they will trickle truth you and greatly minimize the truth.

So you giys didn't have sex until 5th date while she let you believe she was single when you met and not seeing anyone while dating you? But she bangs this guy during that time? And it was just once? Hey, if you believe that then maybe you can go forward. I've been lied to by enough women that I'd never believe it.

Why don't you ask that other guy? Say hey, I know you two were together for a while. Want to make sure that's completely over before I get serious with her. Then try to have a friendly conversation with him where you can find out more. Then go back to her for more trickle truth and MI izing

No point in asking the other guy. OP doesn’t trust his girlfriend to tell the truth. The relationship is dead. He will always be wondering and looking for her to mess around.

I definitely continued dating others before my husband and I spoke and decided to be exclusive. He was too. I was not going to assume he was committed to me until he said so, and therefore I was single and acted accordingly.

If women are such great liars, how come statistically more guys cheat? And spare me all the reasons why men cheat. A cheater is a liar and there’s no gray area. Does this mean men are actually more prone to lying?

Not me. From the first date (really first time I laid eyes on him), I was hooked. Zero desire to date anyone else. We were together all of the time immediately. 25 years later...

See, OP? She was never hooked on you. You shouldn’t marry someone who wasn’t hooked on you from the get-go.

This guy is a straight up troll. Or a child. No 35 year old adult believes that successful marriages require “hooked” and exclusive from the first date. I wonder if OP is falling for this parody of machismo.

Not every woman is promiscuous garbage like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, she clearly didn’t care that much about the other guy since she didn’t break up with you to go out with him instead. She stayed with you, even after straying one time.

But she also wasn’t into him enough to not have sex with someone else.

It’s super painful but I think he should break it off because the memory
will never go away.

Yeah but come on. OP says it was the beginning of their relationship like in the first 2 months and he can’t remember it they were exclusive. So even if OP and girlfriend were sleeping together it was really fast and she was shagging some other guy too. Now she isn’t.
If she did it last month and tried to hide it that’s one thing, but this is way old news. And when “confronted” about it she admitted to it.
OP of you love her and she is saying she loves you too, believe her and enjoy your happy life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, she clearly didn’t care that much about the other guy since she didn’t break up with you to go out with him instead. She stayed with you, even after straying one time.

But she also wasn’t into him enough to not have sex with someone else.

It’s super painful but I think he should break it off because the memory
will never go away.

Yeah but come on. OP says it was the beginning of their relationship like in the first 2 months and he can’t remember it they were exclusive. So even if OP and girlfriend were sleeping together it was really fast and she was shagging some other guy too. Now she isn’t.
If she did it last month and tried to hide it that’s one thing, but this is way old news. And when “confronted” about it she admitted to it.
OP of you love her and she is saying she loves you too, believe her and enjoy your happy life together.

You give her credit for admitting something he already knows? It's not like she told him. She only came clean after he found out and she couldn't lie.

[Anonymous]

This thread is tedious. She didn't cheat on him but he doesn't have to like it.