SAHM: what do you do to protect yourself financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prenup and trust fund.

Did divorce.

I’m fine. He’s mad. Oh well.

If you have a trust fund, someone else protected you -- and that form of protection is not available to the vast majority of women.

Yes thanks captain obvious. Should I not have made the choices I did based on the facts of my life? Just answering a question, man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A former BigLaw colleague of mine was the nicest guy in the world until he left his SAH wife and three kids for another woman. The last guy you'd ever expect to do this. His wife ended up getting one-half of his earnings until the kids were grown, with a MINIMUM of 500k a year -- basically making him a slave to big law for at least a dozen more years.

Moral of the story: get a good lawyer.

But see, he really wasn’t. Even before he did that. Nice guys don’t change that much.

And.... those are the facts- no lawyer can get him out of supporting his family. He made his bad yet you sound sorry for him. Women always lose- posts like this show it

[Anonymous]

If you receive any 'gifts' of $ say from one's parents, do NOT co-mingle that $ in a joint account. Open an account that is in your name only. Keep the gift $ in there. Is not counted in joint assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a long-term (20+) year happy marriage and I would never be as smug and arrogant as some of you in this thread. Frankly, I was really lucky. I could have as easily picked badly. Some of you sound so arrogant and delusional that I wonder just how deluded you are about the rest of your life.

God, plus a million. I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 10 years with two preschoolers. My eyes are still rolling all the way back into my head at the smugness of some of these posters. People... sh*t happens. Yes, even to you!

+1

They are blind.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been together for over 30 years and for most of that time I have been in charge of the family finances and still am since DH retired due to health issues. I suppose DH could leave me but since he never bothered to learn about our family’s finances and shows no inclination to learn, I don’t worry about it since I am in charge of all the money. He already has enough on his plate from his health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a long-term (20+) year happy marriage and I would never be as smug and arrogant as some of you in this thread. Frankly, I was really lucky. I could have as easily picked badly. Some of you sound so arrogant and delusional that I wonder just how deluded you are about the rest of your life.

God, plus a million. I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 10 years with two preschoolers. My eyes are still rolling all the way back into my head at the smugness of some of these posters. People... sh*t happens. Yes, even to you!

+1

They are blind.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prenup and trust fund.

Did divorce.

I’m fine. He’s mad. Oh well.

If you have a trust fund, someone else protected you -- and that form of protection is not available to the vast majority of women.

Yes thanks captain obvious. Should I not have made the choices I did based on the facts of my life? Just answering a question, man.

Yeah I’m not sure of that posters point. What are you supposed to do? Say no thanks to the trust fund? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prenup and trust fund.

Did divorce.

I’m fine. He’s mad. Oh well.

If you have a trust fund, someone else protected you -- and that form of protection is not available to the vast majority of women.

Yes thanks captain obvious. Should I not have made the choices I did based on the facts of my life? Just answering a question, man.

Yeah I’m not sure of that posters point. What are you supposed to do? Say no thanks to the trust fund? Come on.

I'm not one of the PPs, but the question was "What did YOU do to protect yourself."

PP's response was what others did for her, which isn't useful advice in this context and she therefore could have just sat this one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a long-term (20+) year happy marriage and I would never be as smug and arrogant as some of you in this thread. Frankly, I was really lucky. I could have as easily picked badly. Some of you sound so arrogant and delusional that I wonder just how deluded you are about the rest of your life.

God, plus a million. I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 10 years with two preschoolers. My eyes are still rolling all the way back into my head at the smugness of some of these posters. People... sh*t happens. Yes, even to you!

+1

They are blind.

+1

+2 One of my best friends literally just had this happen. She (and everyone around them) would have said they had a great partnership, and were genuinely in love. He turned 45, apparently confronted his own mortality, and decided the best way to stave off death was to start shtupping a 20-something subordinate. I don't think it will work as an immortality plan, but has managed to estrange him from his own children, friends, and community.

But was he a good guy? Yeah, I genuinely think so. Right up until the point that he had a breakdown and blew up his life and the lives of everyone in his blast zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

People can change

Very few people I know who have divorced, actually we're blindsided. They got married to damaged people and all signs pointed to that before they married.

Or married really young, like was common in my parents generation. My parents married at 21. Who the hell really knows themselves or are a great judge of the long term stability of a partner at that age?

Pretty sure the only reason my parents stayed together is because it would have been cost-prohibitive to divorce and my mom did not know how to live by herself. Plus taboo in catholic circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

People can change

Very few people I know who have divorced, actually we're blindsided. They got married to damaged people and all signs pointed to that before they married.

Or married really young, like was common in my parents generation. My parents married at 21. Who the hell really knows themselves or are a great judge of the long term stability of a partner at that age?

Pretty sure the only reason my parents stayed together is because it would have been cost-prohibitive to divorce and my mom did not know how to live by herself. Plus taboo in catholic circles.

I met and married my DH young. We have been married 25 years. The idea that I knew what I was doing is laughable. We have a happy marriage due to a lot of luck more than anything. I don't get the smugness of some of these posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prenup and trust fund.

Did divorce.

I’m fine. He’s mad. Oh well.

If you have a trust fund, someone else protected you -- and that form of protection is not available to the vast majority of women.

Yes thanks captain obvious. Should I not have made the choices I did based on the facts of my life? Just answering a question, man.

Yeah I’m not sure of that posters point. What are you supposed to do? Say no thanks to the trust fund? Come on.

I'm not one of the PPs, but the question was "What did YOU do to protect yourself."

PP's response was what others did for her, which isn't useful advice in this context and she therefore could have just sat this one out.

I hardly think that not having to save for kids college makes that posters responses totally useless and her life choices not something to consider for this thread. Plenty of people don’t save at all for college. Not having to save a few hundred dollars every month for college is a huge help, as she says, but I don’t see that as immediate grounds for dismissing all of the other aspects .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

I WOH and don't consider $165K a year and good benefits to be "pitiful." But whatevs.

+1. I WOH as an attorney at a corporation and make $215,000 plus stock. Not all women make "pitiful amounts of money." Granted, I'm happily married. But I am not worried about supporting myself if my husband were to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

People can change

This. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a long-term (20+) year happy marriage and I would never be as smug and arrogant as some of you in this thread. Frankly, I was really lucky. I could have as easily picked badly. Some of you sound so arrogant and delusional that I wonder just how deluded you are about the rest of your life.

God, plus a million. I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 10 years with two preschoolers. My eyes are still rolling all the way back into my head at the smugness of some of these posters. People... sh*t happens. Yes, even to you!

+1

They are blind.

+1

+2 One of my best friends literally just had this happen. She (and everyone around them) would have said they had a great partnership, and were genuinely in love. He turned 45, apparently confronted his own mortality, and decided the best way to stave off death was to start shtupping a 20-something subordinate. I don't think it will work as an immortality plan, but has managed to estrange him from his own children, friends, and community.

But was he a good guy? Yeah, I genuinely think so. Right up until the point that he had a breakdown and blew up his life and the lives of everyone in his blast zone.

Not a good guy, sorry. Tigers don t change their stripes.