Told brother I don't want to meet OW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^kids would be welcome, but SIL would no longer be family. I mean, I’d invite her still and my brother and his girlfriend. If the exW was going to act unstable in front of the kids, I’d suggest she not attend. My loyalty is always with my family and close friends.

Oh. Ladies here is a perfect example of why some men as assholes, they have women in their lives that let them believe this behavior is okay and never hold them to the fire for acting like a little entitled 6 year olds. SMH. So what if brother was acting unstable because you included kids and wife from his first family and he wants to bring kids/family of his second family? Brother can do ANYTHING and still get your support. F*ck the first kids and wife that had nothing to do with his decision to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe these responses. My DHs dad married his affair partner and they lived happily ever after for decades. I can’t imagine if she had gotten this treatment eternally, especially when it takes two to tango. My MIL said she should never should have married him, and you know marriage is complex. The fact is your nieces and nephews are going to likely live with her. While people weren’t close, they were all civil and welcoming. DH and his siblings all still communicate with her 10 years after their dad died and she still acts like grandma to our kids.

This happened to my aunt. She got divorced and her ex married and has so far stayed married to AP. That was 20 years ago.

It's up to you, you don't have to jump right in with meeting her straight away but at some point she may become part of your family. She may be a better fit for your brother. Only time will tell.

If you don't want to meet her now don't be too judgemental in how you approach it, leave the door open, make it about YOU not being ready, don't say anything about the OW. Time can be a great healer and when you are ready you don't want to have burnt all the bridges.

At the end of the day you should be more upset with your brother than this OW.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted a while back about how my aunt wouldn't meet my dad's OW. I don't think you need to wait until the divorce is complete. Just wait until after your brother's kids meet her, and meet OW with his kids present the first time. IMO this will help your nieces and nephews feel like all this isn't going on behind their backs and they're still central to the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^kids would be welcome, but SIL would no longer be family. I mean, I’d invite her still and my brother and his girlfriend. If the exW was going to act unstable in front of the kids, I’d suggest she not attend. My loyalty is always with my family and close friends.

Ladies here is a perfect example of why some men as assholes, they have women in their lives that let them believe this behavior is okay and never hold them to the fire for acting like a little entitled 6 year olds. SMH. So what if brother was acting unstable because you included kids and wife from his first family and he wants to bring kids/family of his second family? Brother can do ANYTHING and still get your support. F*ck the first kids and wife that had nothing to do with his decision to cheat.

+1. Doesn't accountability apply to everyone, including kids/spouses/ourselves?

I think it's important to communicate through your actions that what he did is not OK. Goal isn't to do this maliciously but rather that it's not OK what he did.

How do you teach the next generation that this behavior isn't OK regardless of what happened in his marriage (I mean divorce is an option).

[Anonymous]

Being there for your brother does not mean that you have to condone or support everything he does just because he is your brother. You can love a person and not like them.

If you don't want to meet the OW don't meet her. Your brother will deal.

[Anonymous]

Call him. Tell him you are still having trouble processing all of the changes and you’re not sure you’re in the right mindset to meet someone who has participated in breaking up part of your family. Ask him to take the time to get his relationships with both of these women, and his kids, and his kids with these women all straightened out and THEN you will have a better idea how to handle things. Tell him you love him, but you love all the other people involved and you don’t want to add any more pain by reacting badly. Remind him that you all need time to process this because in essence he’s forcing you all change your relationship with SIL and inevitable with the kids too.