Told brother I don't want to meet OW

[Anonymous]

If the Queen can welcome Camilla into the Royal Family, so can you OP!

[Anonymous]

Just tell him you need time and you are not ready to meet her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

My brother cheated on his lovely wife. SIL tried to forgive him but he would not stop contact with the OW. She gave up kicked him out and filed for divorce. My brother is now in a relationship with his OW. Per the agreement he made with SIL neither party can introduce a SO to their kids until 6 months after the divorce is finalized. Their divorce is no where close to being finalized. That has not stopped my brother from trying to introduce his mistress to the family though. No one wants to meet her. My parents took a really hard line and the mistress is banned from their house period.

I am hosting TG this year and my brother asked me if he could bring her to my house to meet me the day AFTER TG. I told him it was a bad idea. I love my brother but he has made such bad choices. Allowing him to bring his mistress over would be like supporting those bad decisions. I told him if they were still together in a couple of years then maybe I would consider meeting her. He blew up at me. I don't know what to do. I hate to say it but I agree with our parents on this. He is acting like a different person and I don't like the person he is now. He said not to push him or he would not come around at all. Our parents say they don't care and not to give in to his temper tantrum. My parents think that if he gives up the OW he will stop acting like a crazy person and he can get back with SIL. SIL will never take him back. I don't think my parents are being realistic at all in that regard. WWYD?

"Sam, I love you. You're my brother. I will always love you. But this makes me really uncomfortable. I don't understand the choices that you've made. I am happy to sit down with you and try to understand better where you are coming from, but I am not ready to meet Jan right now. Please understand that your decisions affect more than just your nuclear family, and it will take us all time to process what you have chosen in this situation. If you need some time, I understand that as well, but my decision about November is not going to change."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the Queen can welcome Camilla into the Royal Family, so can you OP!

that took years and years and she had no choice after a while.

Anyway, what your brother is doing is forced and is only going to create resentment towards him and OW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

My brother cheated on his lovely wife. SIL tried to forgive him but he would not stop contact with the OW. She gave up kicked him out and filed for divorce. My brother is now in a relationship with his OW. Per the agreement he made with SIL neither party can introduce a SO to their kids until 6 months after the divorce is finalized. Their divorce is no where close to being finalized. That has not stopped my brother from trying to introduce his mistress to the family though. No one wants to meet her. My parents took a really hard line and the mistress is banned from their house period.

I am hosting TG this year and my brother asked me if he could bring her to my house to meet me the day AFTER TG. I told him it was a bad idea. I love my brother but he has made such bad choices. Allowing him to bring his mistress over would be like supporting those bad decisions. I told him if they were still together in a couple of years then maybe I would consider meeting her. He blew up at me. I don't know what to do. I hate to say it but I agree with our parents on this. He is acting like a different person and I don't like the person he is now. He said not to push him or he would not come around at all. Our parents say they don't care and not to give in to his temper tantrum. My parents think that if he gives up the OW he will stop acting like a crazy person and he can get back with SIL. SIL will never take him back. I don't think my parents are being realistic at all in that regard. WWYD?

"Sam, I love you. You're my brother. I will always love you. But this makes me really uncomfortable. I don't understand the choices that you've made. I am happy to sit down with you and try to understand better where you are coming from, but I am not ready to meet Jan right now. Please understand that your decisions affect more than just your nuclear family, and it will take us all time to process what you have chosen in this situation. If you need some time, I understand that as well, but my decision about November is not going to change."

14:05 (first one) here. This is what i meant. +many

[Anonymous]

So, after Thanksgiving, your kids can tell their cousins that they met the cousins' daddy's girlfriend?

Yeah, no.

Your brother can have Thanksgiving with the bad choice he made this year.

Once his divorce is final, once his kids have met her, then she can come to Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the general tone of the responses here (you’ll have to meet her-eventually- but it’s understandable that you need far more time to process this)

I can’t even imagine being the OW here- I’m surprised she would even want to come!?!! I’d be so embarrassed if i were her?? Not to even mention your brother. The two of them have some nerve IMHO wow

[Anonymous]

"You know I love you, and you'll always be my brother. But that doesn't mean that I need to compromise my own moral values to keep you happy. You've hurt me deeply by handling things how you did, and how you continue to do. I understand that your marriage is over, but I can't be involved in your affairs. Maybe things will be different in a few years, but for now I'm not interested in meeting your affair partner. Sorry. We'd love to have you at Thanksgiving, and your wife and children are always welcome as well of course. Please let me know if we should set a place for you and/or your family at TG!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, after Thanksgiving, your kids can tell their cousins that they met the cousins' daddy's girlfriend?

Yeah, no.

Your brother can have Thanksgiving with the bad choice he made this year.

Once his divorce is final, once his kids have met her, then she can come to Thanksgiving.

The brother asked to bring the OW the day AFTER Thanksgiving, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, after Thanksgiving, your kids can tell their cousins that they met the cousins' daddy's girlfriend?

Yeah, no.

Your brother can have Thanksgiving with the bad choice he made this year.

Once his divorce is final, once his kids have met her, then she can come to Thanksgiving.

+1

When my parents divorced, I was in my mid-20s and it was after my dad had an affair. The OW knew my mom. My aunt (dad's sister) and extended family welcomed this OW with open arms and frankly, I haven't forgiven them for that, many years later. Thank you for sticking up for your SIL and their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is your brother. You don’t know the details of what was going on in the marriage. You are making a mistake.

The details are he cheated and is with the OW. What more do you need to know? It doesn't matter what else happened. If the marriage was bad, you divorce, not cheat.

OP, I would not meet her or have a relationship with her and support his ex-wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, after Thanksgiving, your kids can tell their cousins that they met the cousins' daddy's girlfriend?

Yeah, no.

Your brother can have Thanksgiving with the bad choice he made this year.

Once his divorce is final, once his kids have met her, then she can come to Thanksgiving.

No, she is not welcome.

Personally I wouldn't invite my brother and invite SIL and the kids instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is your brother. You don’t know the details of what was going on in the marriage. You are making a mistake.

The details are he cheated and is with the OW. What more do you need to know? It doesn't matter what else happened. If the marriage was bad, you divorce, not cheat.

OP, I would not meet her or have a relationship with her and support his ex-wife.

ITTA. Divorcing and remarrying? Fine, it happens. But flagrantly cheating and then trying to shamelessly foist the OW on the family so soon? Hell no. You’d think the brother would have the decency and sense of shame, to wait until the divorce is finalized at the very least. just nope to the whole thing. I wonder if OW will even be around in a year.

[Anonymous]

I don’t meet my brother’s line of women until they date 1 year.

So no right now, not until his kids meet her.

Ugh! It’s the worst... I feel bad for his daughters.

[Anonymous]

OP — I definitely would not agree to meet her until she’s introduced to his kids. Hopefully, he’ll wait to do that. Ideally, after being with OW 6-12 months post-divorce. Also, if you are a close friend of his current wife, I would not drop that friendship just because of your brother. The relationship may change, but it should not be predicated on him. Do what is best for your nieces/nephews.