are social skills playgroups

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np here, forgive me if this has been asked and answered:

Has it been pointed out that the Grating Woman Poster Who Won't Let it Go prolly has Aspergers herself? Like her child(ren)?

Her posts, and doggedness, and inability to see that she's driving everyone crazy sound **exactly** like my Aspie nephew who physically cannot stop talking about HVAC systems. on and on and on and on and on and on

The notion has been discussed offline. Your astute comment was the bulk of our conversation today. (And lest the Greenspan fanatic think our gathering was comprised of mean-spirited, anti-child DCUM posters, it wasn't. We had a few mental health professionals in the mix.)

She tends to discount psychologists so she would probably disregard their commentary on her postings. For that reason, and in the spirit of being decent, I stop here.

[Anonymous]

PP, that is uncalled for. I have found the comments of the so-called absolutist to be very informative. I am capable of taking from them what I think they are worth and then moving on. If only a single point of view were represented here, what use would this forum be?

Let's stay away from personal attacks and keep sharing information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, that is uncalled for. I have found the comments of the so-called absolutist to be very informative. I am capable of taking from them what I think they are worth and then moving on. If only a single point of view were represented here, what use would this forum be?

Let's stay away from personal attacks and keep sharing information.

Stop sock puppeting. Your tone and choice of words gives you away. If someone finds you helpful, let them speak for themselves. No need to post on your behave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is "normal" but shy and slow to warm up in social situations. One on one - she is fine so its not playdates that seem to help. She has trouble translating the one on one play into larger groups. Reading the earlier posts it seems like a social skills group might be something she would benefit from.

Can someone explain how they work - Do you drop your child off or stay? Are there progress reports? homework? My child is 5 btw.

Besides Parenting Playgroups, can someone provide names of other groups in the area?

Hi - NP here. I looked into social skills groups for my daughter who was, at 4-5, exactly as you describe your daughter, but never did it because the ones offered where we used to live didn't sound like they exactly fit her. Fast forward a year or two later, and she just developed confidence and came out of her shell. We ended up holding her back in K an extra year so that she would be more confident socially and more comfortable in her skin, and now she is a poised, graceful, friendly 7.5 year old who is in first grade. This year she was the ONLY new child in her entire first grade, and she had absolutely no problems fitting in, making friends, and melding into the class. Now, she is not the sort of child who will go up to others on a playground and make friends, but she is open to children approaching her, is receptive to all play, and is absolutely right in the center of any social group at school. Her teachers tell us she is very popular, and certainly she seems sought-after for playdates. I really think in her case, she just needed extra time, nurturing, repeated playdates (which even though one on one was always fine, gave her confidence in groups), and maturity to come into her own. Is it possible that the same might hold for your daughter?? I wonder because you say that she is typically developing in other ways so it seems like this may be the case...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, that is uncalled for. I have found the comments of the so-called absolutist to be very informative. I am capable of taking from them what I think they are worth and then moving on. If only a single point of view were represented here, what use would this forum be?

Let's stay away from personal attacks and keep sharing information.

You must also have been able to discern the backmasked message in the Beatles Revolver album. At least listening to the album is pleasurable. Postings from Absolute Woman are painful.

[Anonymous]

PP, that is uncalled for. I have found the comments of the so-called absolutist to be very informative. I am capable of taking from them what I think they are worth and then moving on. If only a single point of view were represented here, what use would this forum be?

Let's stay away from personal attacks and keep sharing information.


Stop sock puppeting. Your tone and choice of words gives you away. If someone finds you helpful, let them speak for themselves. No need to post on your behave

-- Actually, I was a NP who recently decided to enter the fray. I will choose to be flattered by your mistaking me for the absolutist. I still think it would be nice not to have to sift through the personal attacks and speculation as to whether someone is "an Aspie" to get some useful information. Social skills groups for adults, anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: -- Actually, I was a NP who recently decided to enter the fray. I will choose to be flattered by your mistaking me for the absolutist. I still think it would be nice not to have to sift through the personal attacks and speculation as to whether someone is "an Aspie" to get some useful information. Social skills groups for adults, anyone?

Yeah, sure you are.

[Anonymous]

PP with the 10 year old with Aspergers here. It did occur to me that the other poster might have some ASD tendency -- what with the rigidity and obsessiveness. In which case, lets all be more understanding. These things do tend to run in families, I know from my own. But I also think there can be something almost cult-like with the whole Greenspan thing. I think, as I've said before, that he is a visionary but he will not accept any approach other than his -- even complementary approaches. So if you are going to embrace floortime without any skepticism, there just isn't any room to accept alternatives. One thing that helps is a growing child. If your child eventually displays needs that aren't being met, you tend to abandon old allegiances.

Also the term "aspie" is controversial. Personally, I don't like it because its a cutesy way of referring to a serious impairment. As I said earlier, I think we should use the proper name for things.

If you are looking for a social skills group for your child you might want to start with a speech therapists office. Most of the speech therapy centers I'm aware of also offer social skills groups. There is also a psychologist in Takoma Park named Dan Griffin who runs groups from a different model but I didn't care for him -- found him controlling. As you can see, I don't like powerful figureheads. But I have heard good things about his groups. If it were me, I would start with one of the speech therapy practices in the area.

[Anonymous]

PP with the 10 year old with Aspergers here. It did occur to me that the other poster might have some ASD tendency -- what with the rigidity and obsessiveness. In which case, lets all be more understanding. These things do tend to run in families, I know from my own. But I also think there can be something almost cult-like with the whole Greenspan thing. I think, as I've said before, that he is a visionary but he will not accept any approach other than his -- even complementary approaches. So if you are going to embrace floortime without any skepticism, there just isn't any room to accept alternatives. One thing that helps is a growing child. If your child eventually displays needs that aren't being met, you tend to abandon old allegiances.

Also the term "aspie" is controversial. Personally, I don't like it because its a cutesy way of referring to a serious impairment. As I said earlier, I think we should use the proper name for things.

If you are looking for a social skills group for your child you might want to start with a speech therapists office. Most of the speech therapy centers I'm aware of also offer social skills groups. There is also a psychologist in Takoma Park named Dan Griffin who runs groups from a different model but I didn't care for him -- found him controlling. As you can see, I don't like powerful figureheads. But I have heard good things about his groups. If it were me, I would start with one of the speech therapy practices in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, that is uncalled for. I have found the comments of the so-called absolutist to be very informative. I am capable of taking from them what I think they are worth and then moving on. If only a single point of view were represented here, what use would this forum be?

Let's stay away from personal attacks and keep sharing information.


Stop sock puppeting. Your tone and choice of words gives you away. If someone finds you helpful, let them speak for themselves. No need to post on your behave

-- Actually, I was a NP who recently decided to enter the fray. I will choose to be flattered by your mistaking me for the absolutist. I still think it would be nice not to have to sift through the personal attacks and speculation as to whether someone is "an Aspie" to get some useful information. Social skills groups for adults, anyone?

You need some self-flattery, so I am glad you were able to do it here. Please let the us discuss important things without your intrusions. I am a new poster by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
Hi - NP here. I looked into social skills groups for my daughter who was, at 4-5, exactly as you describe your daughter, but never did it because the ones offered where we used to live didn't sound like they exactly fit her. Fast forward a year or two later, and she just developed confidence and came out of her shell. We ended up holding her back in K an extra year so that she would be more confident socially and more comfortable in her skin, and now she is a poised, graceful, friendly 7.5 year old who is in first grade. This year she was the ONLY new child in her entire first grade, and she had absolutely no problems fitting in, making friends, and melding into the class. Now, she is not the sort of child who will go up to others on a playground and make friends, but she is open to children approaching her, is receptive to all play, and is absolutely right in the center of any social group at school. Her teachers tell us she is very popular, and certainly she seems sought-after for playdates. I really think in her case, she just needed extra time, nurturing, repeated playdates (which even though one on one was always fine, gave her confidence in groups), and maturity to come into her own. Is it possible that the same might hold for your daughter?? I wonder because you say that she is typically developing in other ways so it seems like this may be the case...

thanks so much for posting - yes, I have wondered if age and maturity will help and I kind of waver on what to do. It's heartening to hear your story. There is also the possibility that my child could have an auditory processing problem but we are just beginning to investigate that. It was only brought up very recently and I need to actually get her tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np here, forgive me if this has been asked and answered:

Has it been pointed out that the Grating Woman Poster Who Won't Let it Go prolly has Aspergers herself? Like her child(ren)?

Her posts, and doggedness, and inability to see that she's driving everyone crazy sound **exactly** like my Aspie nephew who physically cannot stop talking about HVAC systems. on and on and on and on and on and on

#1 you are forgiven

#2 it has been asked
#2a it has been demonstrated that she undoubtedly has a serious, psychological disorder, possibly on the ASD spectrum

#3 we wish her well, even as we wish she would shut up and go away
#3a especially because this would demonstrate that she FINALLY has developed an understanding of "other people's points of view" (i.e., that such things exist) and that furthermore these are worthy of respect. (Yes, even if she feels resentful and/or otherwise inferior.)

[Anonymous]

I'm the woman who the mean posters are referring to as the absolutist. I did not sock puppet the most recent supportive post and I have not sock puppeted any of the supportive posts on here or on Web Feedback. Jeff can confirm that. You warned another poster not to intrude simply because she supported me. You are allowed to bash me but she's 'intruding' if she supports me?!? Do you belong to a gang or something? Do you always go around warning or threatening people not to express support over something you don't agree with?

I know the Aspie term was mean to be an insult. Please use the correct term - Aspergers. It is insulting to call someone with Aspergers "Aspie." If I was truly Aspergers was it appropriate for you to continue to bash and insult me after believing I was indeed Aspergers? Decent parents of SN children would never bash anyone with Aspergers.

Nothing at all against Aspergers, but I do not have Aspergers. I am not on the autism spectrum. Not caring what the masses (or in this case, the evil gang) think doesn't make a person Aspergers. DH is in medical/health field and has worked with SN children at hospitals and continues to see them in his private practice. If I was Aspergers, you don't think I would know by now? I could not care less about what the psychologists in your gang think about me. DH is a doctor and probably has studied and seen more SN children than your psychologists combined.

BUT - You bet I'm rigid on this social skills group issue though and passionate about SN children...and it's because I feel Dr. Greenspan hit the nail on the head by finding it's fundamental flaw.

Your lowly personal attacks and abusive language disgust me and many people reading this I'm sure. I still can't get over how one person who wrote in to support me was actually warned not to 'intrude.' That's sounds like a threat coming from a gang. Your abuse fuels my determination remain cool and stick to the topic here - social skills groups.

I really think Jeff should have put a stop to the personal attacks and insulting language a long time ago, the way he put a stop to the evil poster who was bashing Zumbamamma. Okay so I have a strong opinion. It should not open the door to abuse and it should never be tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I really think Jeff should have put a stop to the personal attacks and insulting language a long time ago, the way he put a stop to the evil poster who was bashing Zumbamamma. Okay so I have a strong opinion. It should not open the door to abuse and it should never be tolerated.

If you don't want people to bash you for your rigidity, unwillingness to acknowledge social custom, and insulting POV, then maybe you should stop exhibiting those behaviors instead of expecting Jeff to rescue you (from yourself).

[Anonymous]

The 'social custom' for a DCUM thread is to answer an OP's question to the best of one's knowledge. So if an OP is seeking emotional support, those intent on bashing her should stay away from her thread. If, however, an OP is seeking different opinions on an issue, it means she's inviting any and all positions, regardless of how fervently those positions or opinions are held, regardless of whether it is a popular opinion or not, and regardless of whether it makes you feel bad about yourself. The 'social custom' for DCUM, from some of Jeff's posts, is that one is not permitted to make personal attacks or discuss things that are not 'germane to the discussion.'

You have violated all of those social customs of DCUM in just one thread. Here is a list of most of the insulting and irrelevant comments hurled at me on this subject of social skills groups -- all because I think most social skills groups out there are not beneficial for SN kids:

1) You've been to "all the social skills groups" in the area? That's amazing!
2) I hope have no influence over any actual children, it would be so unfortunately for them...
3) It sounds like your child has a lot of issues and I'm sorry for that.
4) [ here one poster provides link to an old thread I posted on months ago in order to discredit me in this thread – Jeff pulled that post so that it no longer exists ]
5) ...yet when someone summarizes your tomes by saying it sounds like your child has a lot of issues...
6) You're a freakin nut case.
7) good lord greenspan fanatic. . . you have enormous amounts of time to devote to these threads. and the obsession with Dr. Greenspan is downright spooky
8) I hope I never get stuck sitting next to you on an airplane
9) NP here. She comes across completely insane. When she looks at her socially challenged child, is she so divorced from reality that she doesn't see her own face looking back at her?!
10) If the hijacker thinks she's being abused, she should check out this http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/120/79291.page or maybe she's already a part of it. Some of it sounds familiar but that just might be the insanity coming through.
11) Reminds me of Jehovah's Witnesses - the way they just NEED TO SHARE THEIR NEWS WITH YOU... Greenspan fan needs a social skills group of her own!
12) think the reason your child needs social skills training is because he's had too much exposure to your influence. Does he also not know when to shut up because nobody wants him around?
13) Honey, what psychological help have you availed yourself of? Because it isn't enough. In addition to either anti-anxiety or anti-depression medications, you could probably benefit from one-on-one counseling.
14) You are socially completed disconnected from what a gigantic turn-off you are. You are doing a disservice to everything you're trying to promote. You actually SUBTRACT value from both Greenspan and this forum EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU POST. You are a typing example of WHAT NOT TO DO. I can't imagine why you think your opinion adds credibility - it does not. For the love of Pete woman, look in the mirror and hear what everyone is trying to tell you: you are a cautionary tale.
15) Uh oh. Disingenuous absolute woman is trying to set up our heroine. As useful as our heroine's information has been, I hope she realizes disingenuous absolute woman is trying to sweep her into her insanity. No wonder social skills groups don't work for her.
16) Has it been pointed out that the Grating Woman Poster Who Won't Let it Go prolly has Aspergers herself? Like her child(ren)? Her posts, and doggedness, and inability to see that she's driving everyone crazy sound **exactly** like my Aspie nephew who physically cannot stop talking about HVAC systems. on and on and on and on and on and on
17) And she wonders why she's called a troll.....a hijacker......maybe it's her red badge of courage
18) Please let the us discuss important things without your intrusions(when a poster wrote in to support me)

NOW, here are the supportive comments I received from posters who clearly are disgusted with these insulting posts:

1) New poster here -- I think the poster that everyone seems to be slamming has a lot of valid points. I'm not sure why the reaction has been so strong here.
2) I'm a new poster on this thread. I don't really understand why so many people are harping on the Greenspan booster. OK, she comes across as very in your face and sure of herself, and that can be annoying. But the OP asked if social skills groups were any good/effective (I can't remember the exact words) , and the poster has some pretty useful opinions and information, IMO. If I had been the OP I would have found her comments and links informative. Maybe I wouldn't have agreed with them (I actually do find them useful and interesting but that is beside the point.) But the poster you are criticizing has a right to post her opinions on this topic.
3) Yes, I've read the entire thread. I gotta tell you, I post and read a lot on internet discussion forums, and she really doesn't seem all that abusive and mean spirited. She's opinionated, sure, but I judge posters by the quality of their information, not their social niceties.
4) The "thread hijacker" is not the OP! And I think you people are all being unnecessarily mean to her. Go back to the beginning and it was others who bashed her first. She is defending herself.
Sheesh. Nastiness rules again on DCUM.
5) PP, that is uncalled for. I have found the comments of the so-called absolutist to be very informative. I am capable of taking from them what I think they are worth and then moving on. If only a single point of view were represented here, what use would this forum be? Let's stay away from personal attacks and keep sharing information
6) Actually, I was a NP who recently decided to enter the fray. I will choose to be flattered by your mistaking me for the absolutist. I still think it would be nice not to have to sift through the personal attacks and speculation as to whether someone is "an Aspie" to get some useful information. Social skills groups for adults, anyone?
7) OP, if you stick around long enough you'll see the mean posters parodied again and again. People know enough to ignore anyone who says they feel sorry for your children. (It happens in threads regarding any and all subjects.) Just keep your cool and respond about the subject at hand and ignore the a**holes who attack you.
8) I'm just defending the underdog here. I get right in the mud pit with the best of them when I feel the urge. I just think OP has a right to tell it like it is -- someone is being underhanded and mean because they don't agree with her position on an issue. I can't stand posters like that. They're intellectually bankrupt and ruin the dialogue. They always say things like, "Are you the poster who just cried because she spent $4,579 on a ring she couldn't return" or "Are you the poster who thinks diapers should be changed every ten minutes and believes in breastfeeding until Kindergarten?" They never ask things like, "Are you the nanny who quoted Freakanomics?" (Are you? If so, you're great.)
9) OP, I'm on your side and I don't even go on the Special Needs Forum. Really, the only thing worth reading on any of these posts is to not let these posters bother you. They can make a point without being mean and degrading and insulting but they choose not to. Just ignore them and keep getting your message across if that's important to you. Good luck with your DC
10) And the last couple of insulting posts are more examples of why I am on OP's side. If I had to be stuck on a deserted island with one of you, I'd rather listen to someone talk ad nauseam about their theories than watch any of you others try to tear someone apart like a wild dog. That's just me.
11) My hat's off to you. Money pales compared to our children, IMO. I would rather face retirement broke than experience it with my nest egg intact knowing I had kept that money for my own needs while letting the needs of my DC go unmet.
12) I am not the OP. I'm the one who said she was being bullied. I didn't even read the original thread that got you all so riled up. Most of the posts on THIS thread are mean spirited and just plain ugly.
13) Then why are you on this thread? (Again, I am not OP and I never even read the other thread. I just hate seeing mean posters like you bully someone for having different views than yours. You are a bully.)
14) I'm posting about this thread, in which you beautifully verified the OP's allegation that you follow her around discrediting and attacking her. Nice job. Ta-ta.
15) I agree. OP is tenacious in defending herself, but in the original thread three or four people in a row attacked her post with no regard for tact. There was nothing in her original post that called for it, it was a perfectly nice post, but she's been defending herself ever since. Mob mentality is very strong on this board and that's mainly what's happening now.
16) OP, it doesn't matter what you post on this board. DCUM is a snake pit. You could post a story about fingerpainting with your kid or saving someone's life, and some angry psycho mom will find a way to rip you to shreds over just about anything.
17) Me too. Money is nothing compared to the needs of my children.
18) DCUM has become a sad and angry place for anonymous women to vent while they are at work, far away from their children and families. It is not a place where parents give ANYTHING up for their children.

It seems to me that, unless all of these were written by only two posters who were sock-puppeting the entire time, social custom here seems to say that your posts are perceived as ugly and an unwelcome distraction from discussing/debating OP's question.

This gang is truly sad -- decent, nurturing, and compassionate parents of SN children do not go around called people with Aspergers terribly derogatory terms like 'aspie' and using this impairment to insult me or anyone for that matter. It's similar to calling a person with a serious neurological impairment 'retarded' or a 'spaz.' Shameful. You would think that parents of SN children would be deeply sensitive about this issue. I have to say of all the ugly comments that were made, the one where several posters alleged I must have Aspergers and then continuted to berate me was the worst.