No kids weddings rant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

100% this. PP is so entitled and clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just RSVP no. I don’t understand the big deal. They get to make the rules for their event, you get to decide whether to go and follow them or stay home.

The last wedding we were invited to was DH’s out of state cousin and it was no kids for $$$ reasons. It was fine! We stayed home and sent a gift. No hard feelings on either side.

An out of state cousin is different from a sibling. You don’t think it would be a big deal if you didn’t go to your husbands sisters wedding because she didn’t invite your kids?
It would be a big deal in my family.

Depends if my sibling is in town where we have support or requires travel where there is no vetted babysitter to watch our special needs kid. If it was the latter, I’d go without souse and child. Again, I don’t see the big deal. My sister is across the country. If she has a no kids wedding, I’ll go and leave DH at home with DS.

And no one would say anything ever about how your DH wasn’t going to your sister’s wedding?

NP and so what if someone says something? Will you turn to dust? Burst into flames?

[Anonymous]

Weddings aren’t “supposed to be” anything other than what the two people getting married actually want.

Period, end of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will agree with you, but a lot of people here won’t. When I was a kid, kids were invited to all the weddings my family was invited to. I’m not sure when this changed.

Weddings are in large part a celebration of the idea of family. Circle of life and all that conveys.

It changed when parents and kids changed. A lot of time people don't want kids at their weddings because many children are disruptive and poorly behaved, and their parents don't trouble themselves to deal with it when their kid is acting up. They either can't be bothered or think it's cute.

I think a lot of these posters who get upset about no kids weddings aren't upset at the babysitting issue so much as they are over the thought they won't get video of Bonnie and Buford on the dance floor. I get it but it's not your day, or your kids day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be firmly in the “no kids at weddings camp”. But then yesterday I took my two kids to a wedding where there were also lots of other kids and it was so cute and fun.

If I could do my wedding over again, I’d include all the kids. There was so much more warmth and laughter with the kids.

It can become cute when you have kids that age, but typically the married couple doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP. I had kids at my wedding. It was a destination wedding with the continental US. I wanted family members to come so I said yes of course bring your kids! I also really love their children. I had a kids section at the wedding with little table and chairs. PB and J sandwiches and easy kid food ( which is super cheap....you don't have to serve lobster to 3 year olds). I had bubbles and a little area for them to play. I had a babysitter there to help. And then as the night progressed there was a movie indoors for kids to chill out. They were not in the way at all. I think children bring joy! Some of my favorite photos from the wedding are ones with kids doing funny things.

And now when I get invited to a wedding in Aspen that kids are not invited to, I politely decline. It's just way too hard and expensive to try and find a childcare situation and get myself to the wedding. And I have also noticed that attendance numbers are quite low at these weddings, but if that is what the bride wants then that is fine!

"...if that is what the BRIDE wants, then that is fine!"

Hi, this isn't 1955. Couples plan weddings TOGETHER, and many grooms are just as involved as brides. Let me blow your mind--SOME WEDDINGS THESE DAYS DON'T EVEN HAVE BRIDES! Yowee, what will they think of next?!

Stop laying everything to do with family dynamics and logistics (like weddings) at the feet of the woman. If a COUPLE decides not to have children at their wedding, that is a JOINT decision. So don't get pissy with your SIL or male cousin's bride to be or whomever the woman in question is if you don't like the dynamics. It's not about HER, it's about THEM. So they bear equal responsibility for the ultimate decisions, no matter whose initial idea it may have been, or who had a stronger preference.

Whether it is bride/groom, bride/bride or groom/groom, it's up to the COUPLE, and they should have it the way they want. You can always decline. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just RSVP no. I don’t understand the big deal. They get to make the rules for their event, you get to decide whether to go and follow them or stay home.

The last wedding we were invited to was DH’s out of state cousin and it was no kids for $$$ reasons. It was fine! We stayed home and sent a gift. No hard feelings on either side.

An out of state cousin is different from a sibling. You don’t think it would be a big deal if you didn’t go to your husbands sisters wedding because she didn’t invite your kids?
It would be a big deal in my family.

Depends if my sibling is in town where we have support or requires travel where there is no vetted babysitter to watch our special needs kid. If it was the latter, I’d go without souse and child. Again, I don’t see the big deal. My sister is across the country. If she has a no kids wedding, I’ll go and leave DH at home with DS.

And no one would say anything ever about how your DH wasn’t going to your sister’s wedding?

NP and so what if someone says something? Will you turn to dust? Burst into flames?

+1. So exactly this! People may well have judgments, opinions, comments, or questions. My husband and I do what's best for our family, and people can grumble all they want. What, they're going to pin a "C- Family Member" grade badge on my chest?! Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just RSVP no. I don’t understand the big deal. They get to make the rules for their event, you get to decide whether to go and follow them or stay home.

The last wedding we were invited to was DH’s out of state cousin and it was no kids for $$$ reasons. It was fine! We stayed home and sent a gift. No hard feelings on either side.

An out of state cousin is different from a sibling. You don’t think it would be a big deal if you didn’t go to your husbands sisters wedding because she didn’t invite your kids?
It would be a big deal in my family.

Depends if my sibling is in town where we have support or requires travel where there is no vetted babysitter to watch our special needs kid. If it was the latter, I’d go without souse and child. Again, I don’t see the big deal. My sister is across the country. If she has a no kids wedding, I’ll go and leave DH at home with DS.

And no one would say anything ever about how your DH wasn’t going to your sister’s wedding?

I don’t see why they would. It’s not like he would be in Vegas with friends instead. He was taking care of our child who was not invited. If my parents were upset with anyone, I’d assume it would be my sister who put us in that set up to begin with.

It’s not that big of a deal. No one is entitled to a wedding invite, and no one is forced to attend a wedding they are invited to. This applies to close and distant family and friends, old and young.

[Anonymous]

I had been to a wedding previous to mine where several kids really acted out during the wedding- including the vows- and in my opinion ruined the ceremony for the other guests.

We invited kids to the reception but not the wedding, and hired a babysitter to hang out with the kids in a room at the church.

Still, one friend approached me right before the wedding and said she'd be bringing her infant into the chapel since the baby went everywhere with her. I said, oh actually we have these qualified babysitters blah blah. She insisted it'd be no issue. I said I'd prefer not. In the video there she is, holding her uninvited baby.

Again, I totally get the hesitation - i have several kids myself now- but this wasn't a great friend.

[Anonymous]

We did not children at our wedding, not because we don’t like them but because we have one set of family members who have 3 children who act like wild animals and the parents don’t parent. Because of them, we banned all kids (there would have been 13 at a 100 person wedding).

If you are invited but your kids aren’t, check yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did not children at our wedding, not because we don’t like them but because we have one set of family members who have 3 children who act like wild animals and the parents don’t parent. Because of them, we banned all kids (there would have been 13 at a 100 person wedding).

If you are invited but your kids aren’t, check yourself!

Ugh, that is the WORST--parents who don't parent. Who think it's "cute" when kids act up and are disruptive.

I have a cousin with a very challenging kid with ADHD, and I give her and her husband all the credit in the world for being on top of it. They keep an eye on him, help the rest of us adults understand how best to interact with him, and definitely pull him out of situations that aren't going well. They've inconvenienced themselves many times in order to avoid inconveniencing others. He's a nice kid, he's growing up, but there are just scenarios and dynamics he cannot handle. And instead of taking the easy way out, they do what is best for him and for everyone in that kind of situation. I really appreciate parents who face these kinds of challenges and deal with it as best they possibly can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did not children at our wedding, not because we don’t like them but because we have one set of family members who have 3 children who act like wild animals and the parents don’t parent. Because of them, we banned all kids (there would have been 13 at a 100 person wedding).

If you are invited but your kids aren’t, check yourself!

Very true! Since most people getting married don't have kids yet, they are usually envisioning a friend/relative's kids being there when they decide not to invite kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the kid-free weddings I have been to have ended in divorce. I think it is because people who are so uptight and lack a family focused don’t do well long term.

We had a kid-free wedding except for my four first cousins, one of whom was the flower girl. We’ve been married for 21 years.

So you did have kids at the wedding. Maybe you haven’t been to a wedding in a while, but the recent trend is NO kids.

I don’t think anyone really believes that their friends from college should be bringing their kids. Get a babysitter or don’t come. Whatever. The issue is close relatives of the bride and groom, first cousins, nieces and nephews, etc. There are no longer flower girls or ring bearers, etc. And it is really inconvenient. Because when you are this close to the couple being married, 1) you have to go, 2) the people who would normally watch you kid will be there, and 3) you are expected to attend all of the pre-wedding rehearsals and things, so it’s a three day event, not an evening out.

Honestly, I think the OP is lucky that she had a set of grandparents willing to look after them. I had to cobble together three or four different people to cover during my sister’s wedding.

This! My cousin was getting married and was fine with having kids at the wedding but his fiancé did not. He called and apologized profusely. She didn’t even want kids at the hotel! My mom was dying of cancer and it was the last time we would all likely be together as an extended family. my sister had just moved and live far away from her husbands family and there was no one to watch her kids, My son has special needs. We took our kids for the weekend (I brought our special needs nanny and got a plane ticket and hotel room for her). Sister found a local sitter for her kids. I thought fiancé was rude to request we not even bring our kids for the weekend. It was really tough for my sister and I to honor that request and rude of her to to ask that. Kids were no where near any formal wedding event. I kinda never forgave her especially since she knew our situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate kids on the dance floor.

LOL me too. Everyone sitting around with frozen smiles watching kids being maniacs on the dance floor is so annoying.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get this, if you can’t come without your kids just decline. People will understand. I mean how do people with kids go anywhere? It’s possible. If you don’t want to, don’t.