DH having an attitude after strip club

[Anonymous]

Former dancer pp again. I guess I should be more specific about some of the "crazy" behaviors that I did not enjoy from female patrons. These are all things I either had done to me or witnessed happening to coworkers. I'm talking about things like female patrons grabbing dancers inappropriately, dumping drinks on them, trying to fight them, trying to shove the dancer off the stage and hop on stage to dance, verbally insulting the dancers either to their faces or loudly while near the stage, trying to take money back from a dancer that their dh had tipped to the dancer, and generally getting wasted and making an a** of oneself. Oh also there were the ones that were trying very hard to spice things up with DH and you would take them back for a lap dance and find they were wearing a skirt with no panties. Fun times. I don't believe this is a difference of opinion or whatever, all of this was really not enjoyable and contributes to dancers immediately having their guard up when women come in.

Addressing the original point of the thread, my best advice for the ladies and how I've always dealt with this in my relationships is this: if your partner wants to go to the strip club a few times a year for a bachelor party, guys night, etc, I would be fine with it. If your partner starts to become a regular and goes by themselves on weeknights, this I would not be ok with. If you go together, agree on your boundaries beforehand and don't be a jerk to the dancers.

Oh also, someone earlier asked for an AMA. I'm sure the former dancers posting here would be ok answering a few burning questions, but ask a stripper AMA has already been done on reddit a million times! I'm not sure how much new info I really have to contribute.

[Anonymous]

Here's some actual research on the harms of stripping: https://magazine.jhsph.edu/2016/spring/features/dancing-with-danger/index.html

I get that there may be some super-elite strata of sex workers who truly chose it with autonomy, are not harmed, and benefit from the money. I also don't think it should be criminalized. But to pretend stripping and other sex work are as a rule empowering ways to pay for college is just deluded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's some actual research on the harms of stripping: https://magazine.jhsph.edu/2016/spring/features/dancing-with-danger/index.html

I get that there may be some super-elite strata of sex workers who truly chose it with autonomy, are not harmed, and benefit from the money. I also don't think it should be criminalized. But to pretend stripping and other sex work are as a rule empowering ways to pay for college is just deluded.

Oh for ffs. I don't even need to read this article after the first sentence to know that this article doesn't speak to universal dancer experience. The clubs on "the block" in baltimore are very, very different from most strip clubs. An experience of a girl who works on "the block" is not going to be the same as a dancer at another baltimore club or a club in DC. It's like comparing the experience of a food service worker at mcdonalds to that of a server at a high end steak house in DC. Definitely not an apples to apples comparison.

[Anonymous]

I worked at a different club in Baltimore, and I have some fond memories of us all laughing our butts off at some do-gooders that came in offering us all free HIV testing. We all had health insurance, no one was on IV drugs, and most of us were in monogamous relationships. Obviously we did not need that kind of assistance..... Ah, memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a different club in Baltimore, and I have some fond memories of us all laughing our butts off at some do-gooders that came in offering us all free HIV testing. We all had health insurance, no one was on IV drugs, and most of us were in monogamous relationships. Obviously we did not need that kind of assistance..... Ah, memories.

L
You and the other poster - I believe all y’all, but you also are so mean-spirited and haughty! LOTS of women who dance etc. DO need a helping hand. I’m not better than them, and neither are you, and you for sure have nothing to be so gotdamned stuck-up about that “do-gooder.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a different club in Baltimore, and I have some fond memories of us all laughing our butts off at some do-gooders that came in offering us all free HIV testing. We all had health insurance, no one was on IV drugs, and most of us were in monogamous relationships. Obviously we did not need that kind of assistance..... Ah, memories.

L
You and the other poster - I believe all y’all, but you also are so mean-spirited and haughty! LOTS of women who dance etc. DO need a helping hand. I’m not better than them, and neither are you, and you for sure have nothing to be so gotdamned stuck-up about that “do-gooder.”

It was incredibly insulting for these people to think that just because one dances in a strip club one might need free HIV testing. Like, just a whole host of unfounded assumptions were happening there.

There were also some ministry groups that would come in with bags with lip gloss and some other goodies and a card that said, "You are loved." Also insulting. Like, yes, I danced in a club and also I have *gasp* friends and family like anyone else. And I could afford my own lip gloss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, women are blaming women for men’s shortcomings.

Former strippers: I have no problem with what you do. I don’t think it makes you slutty. But those “frumpy” women- you have no idea what is going on in their marriage. Maybe he has a history of cheating, or maybe they are struggling to make ends meet and he’s blowing their money on you, or maybe he’s neglecting his kids. Maybe it is all harmless fun and she’s just insecure. But we all have issues, and we all want a partner who is able to see *our* needs rather than just their own. So maybe you can empathize with a woman who has vocalized something causes her pain, and her partner has decided to put his own desires first.

Wives/girlfriends: Blaming other women doesn’t work. Even if all the strippers suddenly disappeared from earth, your husband would still find a way to be a creep. If it’s that distasteful to you, remember that men only really understand consequences. My DH and all my former boyfriends knew that if they ever were to step foot in a strip club, the relationship would be over. No begging, pleading, yelling, counseling, or any other type of drama. I would pack my things and go. Sometimes I did. Sometimes they ended it because they didn’t want that restriction. That was fine with me. Instead of “I don’t like women who are a threat”, it needs to be “I don’t like men who make me feel threatened”.

Wow. Just...wow.

I thought it was a good comment. Did you have an issue with it?

The planet’s most educated former exotic dancer - who only consorted with similarly non-chump women who were too savvy to work office jobs unlike other, stupider women, aka frumps - will get back to that right after she completes dissing the obviously slipshod research of public health professionals at Johns Hopkins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, women are blaming women for men’s shortcomings.

Former strippers: I have no problem with what you do. I don’t think it makes you slutty. But those “frumpy” women- you have no idea what is going on in their marriage. Maybe he has a history of cheating, or maybe they are struggling to make ends meet and he’s blowing their money on you, or maybe he’s neglecting his kids. Maybe it is all harmless fun and she’s just insecure. But we all have issues, and we all want a partner who is able to see *our* needs rather than just their own. So maybe you can empathize with a woman who has vocalized something causes her pain, and her partner has decided to put his own desires first.

Wives/girlfriends: Blaming other women doesn’t work. Even if all the strippers suddenly disappeared from earth, your husband would still find a way to be a creep. If it’s that distasteful to you, remember that men only really understand consequences. My DH and all my former boyfriends knew that if they ever were to step foot in a strip club, the relationship would be over. No begging, pleading, yelling, counseling, or any other type of drama. I would pack my things and go. Sometimes I did. Sometimes they ended it because they didn’t want that restriction. That was fine with me. Instead of “I don’t like women who are a threat”, it needs to be “I don’t like men who make me feel threatened”.

Wow. Just...wow.

I thought it was a good comment. Did you have an issue with it?

The planet’s most educated former exotic dancer - who only consorted with similarly non-chump women who were too savvy to work office jobs unlike other, stupider women, aka frumps - will get back to that right after she completes dissing the obviously slipshod research of public health professionals at Johns Hopkins.

The article itself states that "the block" is really it's own subculture. I don't think the research done there would apply elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't equate exotic dancing with sex work and I think it is dangerous to confound the two.

You can think what you want. I consider it sex work.

Well, you can consider that the sky is green.
That doesn’t mean you’re correct.

How is stripping not sex work? The entire purpose is to dance to get men sexually aroused

So, many actresses on TV programs and in movies are also sex workers in your mind.

Porn is a kind of sex work, yes.

I think PP means regular tv/movies. Many actors and actresses are attractive, wear revealing clothes, do sex scenes, etc. Does that make them sex workers? I mean, I like seeing Thor shirtless, but it’s not like that really adds to the plot at all. It’s straight up eye candy.

dumb argument that doesn't warrant a response.

Right? If you can't the difference between nudity as apart of a broader artistic story being told versus a show whose only purpose is to sexually arouse the audience, then your argument isn't worth a response. I can't believe the people of DCUM are this dense.

Most tv shows and movies aren’t art. They’re designed to make money, and sex sells.

Or what about advertisements? Are the girls in Carl’s Jr. ads sex workers?

What about places like Hooters? Are they sex workers?

Thank you. That was my point.

And on the other side of the coin, many of my former colleagues were classically trained dancers who did view exotic dancing as an art form. I know of two that now own and manage dance studios that teach your daughters. These women are perfectly kind, respectful, decent and loving individuals. That was the norm, not the damaged, drug addicted, "slutty" narrative that PP is portraying.

sure, it's the norm that strippers are classically trained ballerinas who are paying their way through med school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't equate exotic dancing with sex work and I think it is dangerous to confound the two.

You can think what you want. I consider it sex work.

Well, you can consider that the sky is green.
That doesn’t mean you’re correct.

How is stripping not sex work? The entire purpose is to dance to get men sexually aroused

So, many actresses on TV programs and in movies are also sex workers in your mind.

Porn is a kind of sex work, yes.

I think PP means regular tv/movies. Many actors and actresses are attractive, wear revealing clothes, do sex scenes, etc. Does that make them sex workers? I mean, I like seeing Thor shirtless, but it’s not like that really adds to the plot at all. It’s straight up eye candy.

dumb argument that doesn't warrant a response.

Right? If you can't the difference between nudity as apart of a broader artistic story being told versus a show whose only purpose is to sexually arouse the audience, then your argument isn't worth a response. I can't believe the people of DCUM are this dense.

Most tv shows and movies aren’t art. They’re designed to make money, and sex sells.

Or what about advertisements? Are the girls in Carl’s Jr. ads sex workers?

What about places like Hooters? Are they sex workers?

Thank you. That was my point.

And on the other side of the coin, many of my former colleagues were classically trained dancers who did view exotic dancing as an art form. I know of two that now own and manage dance studios that teach your daughters. These women are perfectly kind, respectful, decent and loving individuals. That was the norm, not the damaged, drug addicted, "slutty" narrative that PP is portraying.

sure, it's the norm that strippers are classically trained ballerinas who are paying their way through med school.

I dislike how reductive this discourse is. There's really no room for nuance with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a different club in Baltimore, and I have some fond memories of us all laughing our butts off at some do-gooders that came in offering us all free HIV testing. We all had health insurance, no one was on IV drugs, and most of us were in monogamous relationships. Obviously we did not need that kind of assistance..... Ah, memories.

L
You and the other poster - I believe all y’all, but you also are so mean-spirited and haughty! LOTS of women who dance etc. DO need a helping hand. I’m not better than them, and neither are you, and you for sure have nothing to be so gotdamned stuck-up about that “do-gooder.”

Just for the record, there's at least three former dancers on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a different club in Baltimore, and I have some fond memories of us all laughing our butts off at some do-gooders that came in offering us all free HIV testing. We all had health insurance, no one was on IV drugs, and most of us were in monogamous relationships. Obviously we did not need that kind of assistance..... Ah, memories.

L
You and the other poster - I believe all y’all, but you also are so mean-spirited and haughty! LOTS of women who dance etc. DO need a helping hand. I’m not better than them, and neither are you, and you for sure have nothing to be so gotdamned stuck-up about that “do-gooder.”

Just for the record, there's at least three former dancers on this thread.

Uh huh.

[Anonymous]

There’s no strippers that put all their money up their nose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's some actual research on the harms of stripping: https://magazine.jhsph.edu/2016/spring/features/dancing-with-danger/index.html

I get that there may be some super-elite strata of sex workers who truly chose it with autonomy, are not harmed, and benefit from the money. I also don't think it should be criminalized. But to pretend stripping and other sex work are as a rule empowering ways to pay for college is just deluded.

The dancers at Royal Palace in DC are unionized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no strippers that put all their money up their nose?

Of course there are. There are also dancers who put all of their money toward an edcation at a top university. Why is that so hard for some of you to understand?