DH having an attitude after strip club

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that the woman gets to decide the couple’s limits. It’s that for anything that the couple decides to do together, you need 2 yeses. If EITHER, partner says No, this is my limit, then the activity stops.

Yes!

[Anonymous]

I think op should stop pretending to be more “down” and open than she actually is. You went, and let’s be honest, you did not enjoy it and it showed, even though you tried to pretend. Your husband is annoyed because your discomfort showed, thereby ruining it for him.

My ex wanted me to go to a swing club in Baltimore years ago. It made me uncomfortable so I said no. If you aren’t into something don’t pretend. Feigning comfort when you are actually uncomfortable always shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you go to Camelot?

I knew girls who worked there in the late 90s. They were cool girls. Troubled, but cool. You should hear what strippers think of people who go to clubs.

LOL you should try to imagine how much I care about the good opinion of stupid sluts who dance naked for money.

Ok, wow. Former dancer here. I now have a family and professional job, and you would never, ever know about my past employment. Women I worked with are now lawyers, real estate agents, computer programmers, librarians, social workers, nurses, etc. Honestly everyone reading this thread probably knows a former dancer and has no idea, so I would watch it with sentiments like this. Most women who work in strip clubs aren't "stupid sluts", in my experience it was usually college students and moms who wanted to work three days a week and spend the rest of the time with their kids. I for one am one of the only people I know that didn't have family pay for college and has no student loans. So.

On to what dancers think of customers. Honestly, female customers were the bane of my existence. Women either think they have a license to get handsy and that the rules don't apply to them because they're women, or get super jealous about their dad bod husband they came with. Newsflash: chris rock wasn't lying when he said there was no sex in the champagne room. Dancers just want to make money and are not trying to get with your loser husbands. Dancing is basically a hardcore sales job, so everything that is said and done is done with the goal of selling dances. Sob story? Probably not true, just a hustle. Smooth talking about how attractive and fun the customer is? Also a hustle.

As for OP, next time you go you should talk with your husband first about what your boundaries are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you go to Camelot?

I knew girls who worked there in the late 90s. They were cool girls. Troubled, but cool. You should hear what strippers think of people who go to clubs.

You should be embarrassed, op. I'm embarrassed for you.

Me too, and the bolded part exactly.

+1. The both of you, OP and OP’s DH, think you’re doing something consensual and fun on all sides. In reality, you are usually enabling abuse, trauma and economic disempowerment. Shame on you, not for being interested in sex, but for contributing to the dehumanization and objectification of other human beings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ok, wow. Former dancer here. I now have a family and professional job, and you would never, ever know about my past employment. Women I worked with are now lawyers, real estate agents, computer programmers, librarians, social workers, nurses, etc. Honestly everyone reading this thread probably knows a former dancer and has no idea, so I would watch it with sentiments like this. Most women who work in strip clubs aren't "stupid sluts", in my experience it was usually college students and moms who wanted to work three days a week and spend the rest of the time with their kids. I for one am one of the only people I know that didn't have family pay for college and has no student loans. So.

+1. It's much, much easier for young women to make money than it is for young men. Can't blame them for taking the opportunity. Frankly, the women who work their asses off at grunt jobs for shit wages like guys have to are chumps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, be honest.
If a couple goes to a strip club with other couples, on a drunken night out, doesn’t the wife get to dictate the terms? I mean, there are hot women girating just feet from us. We had a great couples lap dance, which was awkward at first but then fun, and I felt like that was enough. He wanted more lap dances and I refused. I just felt like I had my fun, time to go.
And I’m annoyed that he wasn’t satisfied with that and is saying I was so lame for not do

No. Couple decides together. Also, you aren’t more “cool” than another spouse who didn’t go. As another spouse who had 4 lap dances to your 2 isn’t more cool than you. What works for one couple, may not work for another. Try being less judgy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you go to Camelot?

I knew girls who worked there in the late 90s. They were cool girls. Troubled, but cool. You should hear what strippers think of people who go to clubs.

You should be embarrassed, op. I'm embarrassed for you.

Me too, and the bolded part exactly.

+1. The both of you, OP and OP’s DH, think you’re doing something consensual and fun on all sides. In reality, you are usually enabling abuse, trauma and economic disempowerment. Shame on you, not for being interested in sex, but for contributing to the dehumanization and objectification of other human beings.

Former dancer here again, and LOL. Please believe I felt plenty empowered being able to pay for my own college and support myself. My former dancer friends who bought houses at 22 also seemed pretty empowered to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that the woman gets to decide the couple’s limits. It’s that for anything that the couple decides to do together, you need 2 yeses. If EITHER, partner says No, this is my limit, then the activity stops.

Yes!

Totally breaking this out for the holiday in-law visits! Woo hoo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, be honest.
If a couple goes to a strip club with other couples, on a drunken night out, doesn’t the wife get to dictate the terms? I mean, there are hot women girating just feet from us. We had a great couples lap dance, which was awkward at first but then fun, and I felt like that was enough. He wanted more lap dances and I refused. I just felt like I had my fun, time to go.
And I’m annoyed that he wasn’t satisfied with that and is saying I was so lame for not do

No.

That attitude of things being all about you will make for a great long-term marriage...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you go to Camelot?

I knew girls who worked there in the late 90s. They were cool girls. Troubled, but cool. You should hear what strippers think of people who go to clubs.

You should be embarrassed, op. I'm embarrassed for you.

Me too, and the bolded part exactly.

I was a stripper for a few years in college. I didn't think anything bad about the people who came to the club, to be honest (with a few exceptions of course for very aggressive or creepy people). I think it is harmless fun for all.

[Anonymous]

Everyone gets to decide what their hard line is. Especially wrt sex. Your "no" is a full sentence. So he thinks you're lame, so what? He needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are like a parent who takes their kid to an amusement park but doesn't let them get on at rides or do any experiences and calls the mid ungrateful when they finally have a meltdown. Do you take your kids to toy stores and not let them buy anything?

um ... no, that's not how consent works. OP was participating in a sexual activity with her DH and she had the right to set limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you go to Camelot?

I knew girls who worked there in the late 90s. They were cool girls. Troubled, but cool. You should hear what strippers think of people who go to clubs.

LOL you should try to imagine how much I care about the good opinion of stupid sluts who dance naked for money.

Aren’t you charming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, be honest.
If a couple goes to a strip club with other couples, on a drunken night out, doesn’t the wife get to dictate the terms? I mean, there are hot women girating just feet from us. We had a great couples lap dance, which was awkward at first but then fun, and I felt like that was enough. He wanted more lap dances and I refused. I just felt like I had my fun, time to go.
And I’m annoyed that he wasn’t satisfied with that and is saying I was so lame for not do

OP, I'm a married, DCUMC guy, and I'm right with you. If a wife is cool enough to agree to go to a strip club with her DH, and agree to participate and not just watch, she absolutely gets to dictate the terms. They get to do what she allows, and leave when she is ready.

I'm late 30's, and go to strip clubs probably ever 3 years, and exclusively for bachelor parties. They are expensive (we have HHI of $350k+, and I still hate burning $300 at a strip club), and I'm completely aware of how artificial / commercial the environment is. I'm also pretty picky, so generally only find 1/5 strippers physically attractive. Lastly, I feel like pretty much every time I go I have to be the responsible one that keeps any of our group from getting thrown out / arrested / beat up for poor behavior. I can't imagine what a pain in the @$$ it must be to work at a strip club and have to deal with drunk customers being obnoxious every single night.

All that said, I have had some enjoyable nights, and a high end club with attractive women working the right night can be a fun experience. My wife (along with friends' wives) have been cool enough to go a few times, and we have pretty much operated by the above rules (the wives dictate the terms). The few times I've watched a guy get in an argument with his wife at the club about something, I always thought the DH was a moron for pushing back, and felt sorry for the wife. That said, people do stupid things when they are drunk, and usually the guy owns up to his poor behavior in the morning.

My DW learned pretty quickly that she's not a fan of watching naked women grind on me, nor is she attracted to women, so is not a fan of lap dances in general. We have learned that as a couple, we much prefer a Miami or Vegas night club. There are often more attractive women as go-go dancers, often topless. Probably just as expensive ($20 for a corona?), but usually the night clubs are considerably nicer than the strip clubs, the crowd is better and more attractive, and it's a more egalitarian environment that is sexy for both the man and the woman. We really like both Tao in Vegas and Liv in Miami.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you go to Camelot?

I knew girls who worked there in the late 90s. They were cool girls. Troubled, but cool. You should hear what strippers think of people who go to clubs.

LOL you should try to imagine how much I care about the good opinion of stupid sluts who dance naked for money.

Ok, wow. Former dancer here. I now have a family and professional job, and you would never, ever know about my past employment. Women I worked with are now lawyers, real estate agents, computer programmers, librarians, social workers, nurses, etc. Honestly everyone reading this thread probably knows a former dancer and has no idea, so I would watch it with sentiments like this. Most women who work in strip clubs aren't "stupid sluts", in my experience it was usually college students and moms who wanted to work three days a week and spend the rest of the time with their kids. I for one am one of the only people I know that didn't have family pay for college and has no student loans. So.

On to what dancers think of customers. Honestly, female customers were the bane of my existence. Women either think they have a license to get handsy and that the rules don't apply to them because they're women, or get super jealous about their dad bod husband they came with. Newsflash: chris rock wasn't lying when he said there was no sex in the champagne room. Dancers just want to make money and are not trying to get with your loser husbands. Dancing is basically a hardcore sales job, so everything that is said and done is done with the goal of selling dances. Sob story? Probably not true, just a hustle. Smooth talking about how attractive and fun the customer is? Also a hustle.

As for OP, next time you go you should talk with your husband first about what your boundaries are.

...aaaaand there it is. These well-adjusted, undamaged, totally not trafficked individuals view men to be losers and women to be the bane of their existence.