Advice needed - 91 year old dad is suddenly exhausted and has no appetite

[Anonymous]

OP here. You’re all so kind. Thanks to all the PPs, particularly those who have shared their stories about their parents hospice experiences.

He had a wonderful night last night. Everyone came to see him, even my little nieces (they are so sweet with him). He’s not doing so well today. Fever is back, coughing blood. Not looking good. Maybe the PP who mentioned that last good day for her dad was right about my dad - he was gathering his strength to say goodbye. I feel weepy today but resigned.

My sweet little niece, who just started kindergarten, whispered to her mom last night that she wanted my dad to die. My sister in law asked her what and she replied, “because then he’ll be safe”. When I think of that it makes me weepy, and at the same time...little kids are so wise sometimes!

[Anonymous]

OP, I've just skimmed and am chiming in at the end -- please forgive if this was already touched on, and please don't take the wrong way. It sounds like you are very near the end. Often death comes with a sense of relief for survivors -- relief that there is no more pain for him, relief that you can finally let go and sleep well, relief that there are no more decisions you might get wrong or regret.

Bug hugs for you. Take the peace where you find it and be strong where you can. If the relief comes, know it is as natural and proper as flowers opening to the sun. It is as normal as any other part of this process.

[Anonymous]

^^(big hugs!! no bugs )

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope that you find some measure of comfort all of those thinking of your family during this time. I keep checking in and can't stop thinking of you all. I continue to include you all in my prayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope that you find some measure of comfort all of those thinking of your family during this time. I keep checking in and can't stop thinking of you all. I continue to include you all in my prayers.

Me too. (((hugs)))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Off topic I realize, but your mother has to work? How old is she?

I thought the same thing...

[Anonymous]

OP, still thinking of and praying for your family.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to everyone who has checked in. He's doing ok, slowly fading away but still having moments of joy and laughter. He's sleeping most of the day and not eating much (takes his pills with applesauce). We have incredible home help (the company is called Caring with Love). Several of the grandkids have been by and that really cheers him up! My mom is struggling a little (she's very strong, New England type of steeliness). I want her to rest some and maybe cry a lot if she needs to, but she just keeps soldiering on. Thanks again to everyone who has checked in and offered words of kindness. It means a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

It's so hard, OP. I know. I'm sorry. Peace and prayers to your family.

[Anonymous]

New poster here.
Thank you for the update, OP. Sounds like you have found some comfort in this group, and I’m glad for that.

For whatever it’s worth (from a BTDT stranger), I think you have been blessed with time to say goodbye. I can imagine your sadness and anticipatory grief, but at least you are doing it together with family.
I wish for strength and peace for your father and for all of you. Sending a hug.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for checking in, OP. I've been reading this since your first post and wanted to send my best wishes to you and your mom as you face this transition. Sending peace to you all.

[Anonymous]

Thinking of you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Thinking of you today OP.

[Anonymous]

I've been thinking of you all week OP. It's such a tough place to be.