Advice needed - 91 year old dad is suddenly exhausted and has no appetite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may seem off the wall, but does he spend time outside? Does he garden? Fatigue and lack of appetite are two early Lyme symptoms.

Omg, you seem dim.

OMG, you seem nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most likely is a UTI. The symptoms they can produce in the elderly are crazy. My grandmother got full on hallucinations from one around 92 and was entirely back to normal 48 hours after starting antibiotics (and lived 4 more years). A UTI test is no big deal and can be done in an urgent care facility.

Another PP who thinks it could be a UTI - sounds just like my elderly father's symptoms.

My dad also was once diagnosed with pneumonia randomly so that's something else to consider.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to everyone who has weighed in. We went to see his GP's PA. She took blood and we will get the results tomorrow. He was unable to urinate so we brought home the sample cup and hope to get that to the lab tomorrow morning. She wasn't worried enough about him to recommend the hospital, said he could go home and sleep and try his best to stay hydrated (he has been sipping on water and had a few bites of food). I'm a little anxious that he wasn't able to leave a sample to get tested for a UTI today but I guess I'll put my faith in the PA that he's not in danger tonight.

To the PP's who talked about end of life decisions: thank you for bringing that up. I have not been willing to even consider his life ending from something that seems so simple (a low fever and fatigue) but I've thought a lot about it and obviously HE is the one who has the say about his own body and his own treatment plan. And when I think of how miserable he was the last time he was hospitalized (my normally upbeat, hilarious, optimistic and sharp father was basically praying he would either go home or die) I can't imagine asking him to spend another night in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

First PP here... thank your the update, OP. I’ve been thinking about you all day!

Push as many fluids as you can - water, juice, jello, soup, ginger ale, beer (seriously, if he’ll drink it), popsicles - anything. Some folks respond really well to something like Ensure... but you have to “Prime the pump” by making sure they get some in their mouths and not just leaving it with them to drink.

Fingers crossed you get get that sample ASAP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to everyone who has weighed in. We went to see his GP's PA. She took blood and we will get the results tomorrow. He was unable to urinate so we brought home the sample cup and hope to get that to the lab tomorrow morning. She wasn't worried enough about him to recommend the hospital, said he could go home and sleep and try his best to stay hydrated (he has been sipping on water and had a few bites of food). I'm a little anxious that he wasn't able to leave a sample to get tested for a UTI today but I guess I'll put my faith in the PA that he's not in danger tonight.

To the PP's who talked about end of life decisions: thank you for bringing that up. I have not been willing to even consider his life ending from something that seems so simple (a low fever and fatigue) but I've thought a lot about it and obviously HE is the one who has the say about his own body and his own treatment plan. And when I think of how miserable he was the last time he was hospitalized (my normally upbeat, hilarious, optimistic and sharp father was basically praying he would either go home or die) I can't imagine asking him to spend another night in the hospital.

I hope you are able to get the sample and that he's feeling better.

This could be a good prompt to have that conversation. My mom had been bed ridden and suffering from dementia for a long time when she ended up in the hospital with a UTI. The dr's recommended hospice given her overall extremely poor condition. These "simple infections" can be a blessing. But my father - who was caring for her at home with the help of an aide - refused to consider hospice so she was treated and lived another several miserable years. It caused a lot of bad feeling in the family because some siblings strongly disagreed with dad. Based on our discussions when she was healthy, Mom would not have wanted to live that way but it's really easy for those who are closest to the sick person to just focus on the crisis in front of them rather than looking at the whole picture. It is very important that your father make his wishes known to the whole family. A joint conversation with his GP might help in understanding the degrees of care and implications of different interventions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First PP here... thank your the update, OP. I’ve been thinking about you all day!

Push as many fluids as you can - water, juice, jello, soup, ginger ale, beer (seriously, if he’ll drink it), popsicles - anything. Some folks respond really well to something like Ensure... but you have to “Prime the pump” by making sure they get some in their mouths and not just leaving it with them to drink.

Fingers crossed you get get that sample ASAP!

You are really a kind hearted person. Thank you - knowing you care means a lot. And thank you for the advice! I hadn't thought about jello (he, like many 90 year olds, LOVES jello).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to everyone who has weighed in. We went to see his GP's PA. She took blood and we will get the results tomorrow. He was unable to urinate so we brought home the sample cup and hope to get that to the lab tomorrow morning. She wasn't worried enough about him to recommend the hospital, said he could go home and sleep and try his best to stay hydrated (he has been sipping on water and had a few bites of food). I'm a little anxious that he wasn't able to leave a sample to get tested for a UTI today but I guess I'll put my faith in the PA that he's not in danger tonight.

To the PP's who talked about end of life decisions: thank you for bringing that up. I have not been willing to even consider his life ending from something that seems so simple (a low fever and fatigue) but I've thought a lot about it and obviously HE is the one who has the say about his own body and his own treatment plan. And when I think of how miserable he was the last time he was hospitalized (my normally upbeat, hilarious, optimistic and sharp father was basically praying he would either go home or die) I can't imagine asking him to spend another night in the hospital.

I hope you are able to get the sample and that he's feeling better.

This could be a good prompt to have that conversation. My mom had been bed ridden and suffering from dementia for a long time when she ended up in the hospital with a UTI. The dr's recommended hospice given her overall extremely poor condition. These "simple infections" can be a blessing. But my father - who was caring for her at home with the help of an aide - refused to consider hospice so she was treated and lived another several miserable years. It caused a lot of bad feeling in the family because some siblings strongly disagreed with dad. Based on our discussions when she was healthy, Mom would not have wanted to live that way but it's really easy for those who are closest to the sick person to just focus on the crisis in front of them rather than looking at the whole picture. It is very important that your father make his wishes known to the whole family. A joint conversation with his GP might help in understanding the degrees of care and implications of different interventions.

Wow thanks for that response. I'm so sorry for what you went through with your mom. I hope you're doing well, and really, all of you who have taken the time to reply to this thread have been so kind and generous. It means a lot. I hope this thread helps others going through something similar.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. My dad fell overnight, my mom found him this morning covered in his own feces and vomit. She got him cleaned up and in bed (he doesn’t want her to call ambulance) and I talked with him - he was cheerful and upbeat. I have no idea what to make of this, I’m horrified for him that he fell and spent time on the bathroom floor, alone, I’m horrified for my poor mom and at the same time, he’s happy and feeling better and resting in bed. We will get the results of his blood work later this morning....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. My dad fell overnight, my mom found him this morning covered in his own feces and vomit. She got him cleaned up and in bed (he doesn’t want her to call ambulance) and I talked with him - he was cheerful and upbeat. I have no idea what to make of this, I’m horrified for him that he fell and spent time on the bathroom floor, alone, I’m horrified for my poor mom and at the same time, he’s happy and feeling better and resting in bed. We will get the results of his blood work later this morning....

Not being able to pee is a medical emergency, as is an old person falling.

[Anonymous]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1115341/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. My dad fell overnight, my mom found him this morning covered in his own feces and vomit. She got him cleaned up and in bed (he doesn’t want her to call ambulance) and I talked with him - he was cheerful and upbeat. I have no idea what to make of this, I’m horrified for him that he fell and spent time on the bathroom floor, alone, I’m horrified for my poor mom and at the same time, he’s happy and feeling better and resting in bed. We will get the results of his blood work later this morning....

Who cares what he wants? He is 91, falling, shitting himself, vomiting and low grade fever. Take him to a hospital!

[Anonymous]

Op, he needs to at least be seen by a doctor today. Drive him to the PA and be there to provide information since your father will try to downplay his condition out of fear of being hospitalized. Your poor mother cannot handle this—she is probably exhausted from caring and worrying about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. My dad fell overnight, my mom found him this morning covered in his own feces and vomit. She got him cleaned up and in bed (he doesn’t want her to call ambulance) and I talked with him - he was cheerful and upbeat. I have no idea what to make of this, I’m horrified for him that he fell and spent time on the bathroom floor, alone, I’m horrified for my poor mom and at the same time, he’s happy and feeling better and resting in bed. We will get the results of his blood work later this morning....

Who cares what he wants? He is 91, falling, shitting himself, vomiting and low grade fever. Take him to a hospital!

Golden rule-treat people the way you’d like to be treated.

This is a tricky one, but Dad has made his wishes clear-no hospital.

Op, I’m so sorry. This sounds so hard

[Anonymous]

CWhat a terribly difficult situation, OP. It sounds like your father would rather die than go to the hospital for proper diagnosis and treatment, even if whatever is causing his symptoms is easily treatable. I’d talk to him and make sure that he is clear on that, and that you are clear on that. Especially since it’s likely that time is of the essence and if you wait too long to seek treatment, his condition may worsen and become more complex or difficult to treat.

If he went from healthy and active to too weak to get up on his own in a relatively short period of time then he is acutely ill - that much is clear. The vomiting is also very concerning. He may be even more dehydrated and unable to give a urine sample.

It’s very possible that he was putting on a brace face for you and pretending to feel better because he so dreads the hospital. I’d just be very blunt and clear in your discussions with him, for your own sake as well as his.

How is he doing today, OP? (Well, I’m currently in a different time zone so I realize it’s the middle of the night where you
are). I hope that things turn around and your dad makes a full recovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP. My dad fell overnight, my mom found him this morning covered in his own feces and vomit. She got him cleaned up and in bed (he doesn’t want her to call ambulance) and I talked with him - he was cheerful and upbeat. I have no idea what to make of this, I’m horrified for him that he fell and spent time on the bathroom floor, alone, I’m horrified for my poor mom and at the same time, he’s happy and feeling better and resting in bed. We will get the results of his blood work later this morning....

Who cares what he wants? He is 91, falling, shitting himself, vomiting and low grade fever. Take him to a hospital!

+1

Op you have two choices, hospital against his wishes, or home and very very scary situation. Somebody NEEDS to stay with your parents and help because an 84 year old woman needs help caring for an ill 91 year old man.