Is there anything better than marrying a rich guy you met in college?

[Anonymous]

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Person I never in a million years would be envious of:
Woman who left NYC at 27 to marry into a midwest car dealer family and live in a giant lake house and drive a new SUV.

+ high community status
+ best private schools
+ travel anywhere
+ in-laws' winter home in Naples, FL
+ in-laws' ski house in Vail, CO

Not a bad come up for a cute ditz who studied communications at a crummy college.

lol. bless your heart. I think you actually just can't conceive of a world where tenure at an R1 is more prestogious and desired than vacations at your in laws in Florida.

NP. It might be more prestigious, but the money frankly is just not very good, and that fact sucks more than I thought it would. Prestige doesn't buy me a vacation in the Maldives.
-wife of tenture-track faculy member

Nobody gets tenure for the money obviously. And we're talking about the professors, not the spouses-of. And all of the R1/Ivy professors I know are constantly traveling to very cool places. I can believe of course that there are tradeoffs and drawbacks, but the topic here is whether being a 27 year old nonworking woman in the midwest married to a car dealer heir is the pinnacle of female dreams.

I thought we were talking about the spouses. This 27 year old is a spouse of a car dealer heir, no?

My point is that i used to place a higher premium on prestige. Now I would prefer a little more cash. Just being honest.

we're talking about a woman's career aspirations -- professor vs car dealer wife. not wife-of-professor v car dealer wife

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Being rich in a flyover metro is no different than being rich in a coastal city once you're married (with kids). Men work, go to kid's private school functions, drink good scotch alone in the basement while watching cable news at night. SAHMs do yoga, shop at Whole Foods, post on facebook. Your circle of friends is other execs, business owners, lawyers, doctors, professors. If you're jones'ing for the one Kennedy Center event you go to a year, fly to it. Flyover is only a risk for middle class who don't have the deep labor market bounce around.

This isn't true. I'm from a wealthy area in a flyover metro and it's VERY different than living in DC with a two career household.

Can you elaborate PP? I am considering a relocation with my family and would love to hear your take. Will I die of boredom?

Not pp but I’m from Chicago and never been bored. The nightlife is extensive, we have good outdoor spaces to run and bike, and many of the moms are yoga finatics that shop at Whole Foods. I can see moving to a rural area can be boring if you’re a city person, but living in Chicago or in the heart of cities like Minneapolis, Indianapolis, Colombus, OH, etc., will not leave you bored.

I would be very happy living in Indianapolis. I spent a year living in South Bend and I actually became depressed it was so horrible.

Flyover country single and broke != flyover country with a family and millions

I was married and definitely not broke. It was just a god awful place to live. There was absolutely nothing to do and the restaurants were horrific. Look, I have lived in a lot of places as a trailing spouse of an academic (and i mean a lot, including 2 in Europe), and some places are just shitty no matter how much money you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being rich in a flyover metro is no different than being rich in a coastal city once you're married (with kids). Men work, go to kid's private school functions, drink good scotch alone in the basement while watching cable news at night. SAHMs do yoga, shop at Whole Foods, post on facebook. Your circle of friends is other execs, business owners, lawyers, doctors, professors. If you're jones'ing for the one Kennedy Center event you go to a year, fly to it. Flyover is only a risk for middle class who don't have the deep labor market bounce around.

This isn't true. I'm from a wealthy area in a flyover metro and it's VERY different than living in DC with a two career household.

Can you elaborate PP? I am considering a relocation with my family and would love to hear your take. Will I die of boredom?

Not pp but I’m from Chicago and never been bored. The nightlife is extensive, we have good outdoor spaces to run and bike, and many of the moms are yoga finatics that shop at Whole Foods. I can see moving to a rural area can be boring if you’re a city person, but living in Chicago or in the heart of cities like Minneapolis, Indianapolis, Colombus, OH, etc., will not leave you bored.

DP. I'm from a wealthy suburb of a major midwestern city, and I simply find these types of comments on DCUM baffling. What exactly do you think happens in midwestern cities?! I'm from near a smaller city than Chicago, so there's less to do there. But we still have restaurants, and stores, and museums, and theater, and you name it. I grew up with two working professional parents, so I didn't really experience anything much different than what people with two incomes on the coast experience. But my dad also earned enough that even in DC we would have been extremely comfortable on one income. I know it's crazy to imagine, but sometimes smart women who studied hard actually want to do the jobs they are trained for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
lol. bless your heart. I think you actually just can't conceive of a world where tenure at an R1 is more prestogious and desired than vacations at your in laws in Florida.

NP. It might be more prestigious, but the money frankly is just not very good, and that fact sucks more than I thought it would. Prestige doesn't buy me a vacation in the Maldives.
-wife of tenture-track faculy member

Nobody gets tenure for the money obviously. And we're talking about the professors, not the spouses-of. And all of the R1/Ivy professors I know are constantly traveling to very cool places. I can believe of course that there are tradeoffs and drawbacks, but the topic here is whether being a 27 year old nonworking woman in the midwest married to a car dealer heir is the pinnacle of female dreams.

I thought we were talking about the spouses. This 27 year old is a spouse of a car dealer heir, no?

My point is that i used to place a higher premium on prestige. Now I would prefer a little more cash. Just being honest.

DP, and that may be the case. Personally, I wouldn't like to be married to a tenured professor either. But you are responding to a person who was talking about wanting tenure for themselves, not their spouse. That person was saying that for them it would be more prestigious than being married to someone rich.

I see.

Well, in my view, marriage confers status to women despite the outrage that sentiment can cause. I personally don't even consider individually accomplished women as status competition in any way - we are like apples and oranges. I certainly do not envy them.

[Anonymous]

Sounds fine, but who wants to go from NY to living in flyover country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband married a girl with a trust fund that he met in college. It’s worked out nicely, he gets to have a SAHW and kids with every security imaginable in the form of trusts, and because I’m very private about it IRL everyone assumes he’s made all of our money. He’s a high earner but not high enough to provide absolute security for a lifetime like my money does.

Similar situation here, except I've worked in a career I love since my 20s, and he has pursued his passion. We live modestly but want for nothing.Our children don't realize the extent of our assets. We want them to learn the value of working hard for goals, and to appreciate helping others for how good it feels. Our assets will go mostly to charity when we die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before age 30... and never studied... hmm...

Typical inland lakefront mansion in the Midwest


High end luxury SUV

Yes please. I'd send our kids to the finest day school, I'd become a yoga pro, and volunteer the rest of the day in the nearest low-income school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband married a girl with a trust fund that he met in college. It’s worked out nicely, he gets to have a SAHW and kids with every security imaginable in the form of trusts, and because I’m very private about it IRL everyone assumes he’s made all of our money. He’s a high earner but not high enough to provide absolute security for a lifetime like my money does.

Similar situation here, except I've worked in a career I love since my 20s, and he has pursued his passion. We live modestly but want for nothing.Our children don't realize the extent of our assets. We want them to learn the value of working hard for goals, and to appreciate helping others for how good it feels. Our assets will go mostly to charity when we die.

Good job. And I imagine you’re teaching your children to be independent and self-sufficient. Not this ridiculous “lesson” OP is yammering about. Bravo, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol wow. This thread is cracking me up.

I am not the PP, but I'll share my attitude about this.

I always wanted to truly respect and love my husband. I personally could never be happy in any situation - no matter how luxurious - where that was not true. So, to me, if your niece loves and respects her husband and he treats her well, then sure I'd take that life. If she doesn't, no thanks. Call me an idealist!

+1000!

All this yammering on about what’s the best life, but OP hasn’t said anything about whether the niece and the husband actually love and respect each other. If they do, then that’s great! Personally, I like the Midwest and I’d love a nice house on the lake, so hope that they both enjoy it. But if they don’t get along well......then all the money in the world isn’t going to make that an enviable situation. I’d much rather go to work everyday and be middle class - by myself or with someone whom I love and respect - rather than have to spend my time pretending to like/love someone whom I don’t care for. Life’s too short for that!

[Anonymous]

Lol at people and railing on flyover conntry. I grew up in Colorado and it’s much better than here in every way - including better looking, in shape and down to earth women.

DC harpies are the worst. Can’t wait to move back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Person I never in a million years would be envious of:
Woman who left NYC at 27 to marry into a midwest car dealer family and live in a giant lake house and drive a new SUV.

+ high community status
+ best private schools
+ travel anywhere
+ in-laws' winter home in Naples, FL
+ in-laws' ski house in Vail, CO

Not a bad come up for a cute ditz who studied communications at a crummy college.

lol. bless your heart. I think you actually just can't conceive of a world where tenure at an R1 is more prestogious and desired than vacations at your in laws in Florida.

I can't even with this

You really think Florida is that great??? Oh honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before age 30... and never studied... hmm...

Typical inland lakefront mansion in the Midwest


High end luxury SUV

Yes please. I'd send our kids to the finest day school, I'd become a yoga pro, and volunteer the rest of the day in the nearest low-income school.

yuck yuck yuck

Let me guess, you voted for Trump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol at people and railing on flyover conntry. I grew up in Colorado and it’s much better than here in every way - including better looking, in shape and down to earth women.

DC harpies are the worst. Can’t wait to move back.

Newsflash —Colorado is not considered flyover country.

[Anonymous]

Posts like OP's are so immature and seem so devoid of wisdom I wonder if the person writing them is actually an adult. Is this all some of you do all day, compare your life to that of your rich acquaintances? Is that really what life has taught you? Can't you at least learn to control your thoughts?

And further, these posts are always about money and talking about this mid-point of someone's life, not the result. No one on DCUM is jealous of their friend who was a doctor for 30 years and made a breakthrough in a disease, or their friend who raised 2 great kids who became awesome adults. You know why? Because by the time people reach that age, I'm thinking they are mature enough not to care about this shit anymore.

Also, this is America. If you want a luxury SUV, go ahead and lease one. It really won't make your life one iota better but at least you'll get it out of your system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being rich in a flyover metro is no different than being rich in a coastal city once you're married (with kids). Men work, go to kid's private school functions, drink good scotch alone in the basement while watching cable news at night. SAHMs do yoga, shop at Whole Foods, post on facebook. Your circle of friends is other execs, business owners, lawyers, doctors, professors. If you're jones'ing for the one Kennedy Center event you go to a year, fly to it. Flyover is only a risk for middle class who don't have the deep labor market bounce around.

true

but that's not the point here.