Is it bad form to bring your kids to back to school night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring them. It's distracting for the teachers and the other parents. There is already so little room in the classroom for all the parents. I couldn't hear the teacher because a kid was so loud in the classroom. Please be mindful of the rest of us parents. We too have other kids and childcare issues. One parent stays home. That's how we do it.

And that's lovely, but my husband travels 90 some nights a year. Are you being mindful of other people's situations? It doesn't seem like it.

Mine tracked three weeks a MONTH and I didn't bring them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happened to me a few years ago. My husband was out of town. I had no one to watch my kids. I hired a babysitter from a company and used her several times beforehand to get to know her and have the kids comfortable with her all for the 1.5 hours of back to school night. Never needed or used her again. Probably cost me 15 hours worth of sitting costs. If I can do that rather than bring my kids it irks me when people who can afford sitters being their kids. OP knew the answer before asking as the school said child care wasn't provided. It wasn't the answer she wanted...

You have more money than sense.

Sorry, I wasn't going to leave my kids with a stranger when one kid already had moderate anxiety. So it was worth it to me to dip his toe in so to speak to make him comfortable, make me comfortable and make it more pleasant. He still stayed up until I got home which was 1.5 hours after his bedtime apparently worrying where I was. But thanks for the insult.

My mother watched them until she passed away.

Just because I'm curious, how did you manage to reach the elementary school years withOUT having a sitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring them. It's distracting for the teachers and the other parents. There is already so little room in the classroom for all the parents. I couldn't hear the teacher because a kid was so loud in the classroom. Please be mindful of the rest of us parents. We too have other kids and childcare issues. One parent stays home. That's how we do it.

And that's lovely, but my husband travels 90 some nights a year. Are you being mindful of other people's situations? It doesn't seem like it.

Mine tracked three weeks a MONTH and I didn't bring them.

OK. Different people are different people and have different circumstances. If I had a nickel for every time I've said this on DCUM, I'd have a whole lot of nickels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring them. It's distracting for the teachers and the other parents. There is already so little room in the classroom for all the parents. I couldn't hear the teacher because a kid was so loud in the classroom. Please be mindful of the rest of us parents. We too have other kids and childcare issues. One parent stays home. That's how we do it.

And that's lovely, but my husband travels 90 some nights a year. Are you being mindful of other people's situations? It doesn't seem like it.

Mine tracked three weeks a MONTH and I didn't bring them.

Yes, regular planned long term travel is much easier than intermittent constant travel as you have a leg up on their schedule. Mine often finds out tonight he's going abroad tomorrow.

I mean- if you want to win you can win. Your life is harder and you are better.

Since I actually can envision scenarios other than my own, I try to extend empathy when I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They often talk about things that kids should not hear:
- the actual day sex Ed starts (fourth grade)
- how discipline may work (at one btsn the teacher explained she has a point system where the kids work towards a pizza party. She had only a single class earn two in a year but all will earn one for field day. The kids aren't to know that earning that one is a definite)
- teacher in fifth grade discussed how math groups are based on protests and kids are placed in groups based on how well they did but they did NOT want the kids to know which group meant what.
- teacher in second had sign up for mystery reader there for parents to sign up for it right then

This is not a family event. This is to provide information between the adults (teachers, parents, specialists, some admin, etc). That's it.

Since everybody knows that some people will bring their children, for [reasons], maybe the school should rethink its approach about saying things they don't want the children to hear.

[Anonymous]

I imagine if your husband travels often, you have the ability to find a set of sitters to call upon when you may need one. You may elect not to do that... But you have the ability to do so. I'm guessing his leaving last minute is rare and btsn is one night a year. So what are the chances that your husband is traveling that one night AND he found out last minute AND you have had no ability to find a sitter. Is say about Zero percent. Look, if it's important, you'd get a sitter. You prefer to make excuses and not so so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They often talk about things that kids should not hear:
- the actual day sex Ed starts (fourth grade)
- how discipline may work (at one btsn the teacher explained she has a point system where the kids work towards a pizza party. She had only a single class earn two in a year but all will earn one for field day. The kids aren't to know that earning that one is a definite)
- teacher in fifth grade discussed how math groups are based on protests and kids are placed in groups based on how well they did but they did NOT want the kids to know which group meant what.
- teacher in second had sign up for mystery reader there for parents to sign up for it right then

This is not a family event. This is to provide information between the adults (teachers, parents, specialists, some admin, etc). That's it.

Since everybody knows that some people will bring their children, for [reasons], maybe the school should rethink its approach about saying things they don't want the children to hear.

Hell to the no. I'm there to get the spiel from the teacher. I don't want a sanitized version because mary brought her kids and I didn't. I want as much info as possible about my kids' education, in person, face to face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They often talk about things that kids should not hear:
- the actual day sex Ed starts (fourth grade)
- how discipline may work (at one btsn the teacher explained she has a point system where the kids work towards a pizza party. She had only a single class earn two in a year but all will earn one for field day. The kids aren't to know that earning that one is a definite)
- teacher in fifth grade discussed how math groups are based on protests and kids are placed in groups based on how well they did but they did NOT want the kids to know which group meant what.
- teacher in second had sign up for mystery reader there for parents to sign up for it right then

This is not a family event. This is to provide information between the adults (teachers, parents, specialists, some admin, etc). That's it.

Since everybody knows that some people will bring their children, for [reasons], maybe the school should rethink its approach about saying things they don't want the children to hear.

Hell to the no. I'm there to get the spiel from the teacher. I don't want a sanitized version because mary brought her kids and I didn't. I want as much info as possible about my kids' education, in person, face to face.

Well, ok, then the teachers will just have to be prepared to say stuff they don't want the kids to say.

[Anonymous]

^^^they don't want the kids to HEAR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck is back to school night considered an adult-only event in the first place? When I was a kid, it was for the whole family, and it was fine.

Because it's a time for the teachers to give a little speech to ALL of the parents, and it's hard to hear them when kids are making noise.

When you were a kid you also probably didn't have IEPs for SN kids. Why not go back to that, too.

Yes to above. Adding to that is that your kids are a distraction AND it's super crowded so if you made BTSN a family event it would be even more crowded.

Seriousky, have you never been to a BTSN??? A family event...gimme a break! This isn't the PTA fall festival fundraiser, it's BTSN.

Np here. No, I haven't. This is my oldest's first year in school (prek) and I have lived a life that until now has been back to school night free. (As an adult. I have no recollection of what they may have been like as a kid.) I assumed it was for the whole family. The school gave no guidance as far as I could tell and it just seemed like one more thing. I had planned on the entire family going. My husband was the one who brought up the idea that it was probably for parents only and we checked with some veteran parents in our dd's class. Don't worry- Grandma lives close and can watch the kids, but I would like to think that if we showed up with two kids, people would be kind to parents new to this.

They often talk about things that kids should not hear:
- the actual day sex Ed starts (fourth grade)
- how discipline may work (at one btsn the teacher explained she has a point system where the kids work towards a pizza party. She had only a single class earn two in a year but all will earn one for field day. The kids aren't to know that earning that one is a definite)
- teacher in fifth grade discussed how math groups are based on protests and kids are placed in groups based on how well they did but they did NOT want the kids to know which group meant what.
- teacher in second had sign up for mystery reader there for parents to sign up for it right then

This is not a family event. This is to provide information between the adults (teachers, parents, specialists, some admin, etc). That's it.

If that is what it is, then the school(s) should be more blunt in their communications about it. Again, my kids school was not and I'm not a mind reader,

[Anonymous]

It's bad form to bring kids, and it's bad form for the school to say no kids and fail to provide any type of care. You just have to decide which is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I imagine if your husband travels often, you have the ability to find a set of sitters to call upon when you may need one. You may elect not to do that... But you have the ability to do so. I'm guessing his leaving last minute is rare and btsn is one night a year. So what are the chances that your husband is traveling that one night AND he found out last minute AND you have had no ability to find a sitter. Is say about Zero percent. Look, if it's important, you'd get a sitter. You prefer to make excuses and not so so.

Okay? I've never taken my kids to BTSN- I was lucky to have sitters and family and now can leave them briefly when I run to something at the school as they are older.

I'm just able to understand that my circumstances aren't everyone's (demean it all you want but having three kids and an often traveling spouse is logistically difficult at times- If it never presented any challlenges for you in a little envious.

I've literally never been disrupted by any of the (always present in small numbers) kids at the events.. Between three kids I've been to 17 back to school nights.

[Anonymous]

The parents who bring their kids to BTSN are the helicopter, cheap, and lazy ones (too helicoptery to be apart for a few hours, too cheap to hire a babysitter or too lazy to hire a babysitter/make childcare arrangements). So sure, go ahead and bring your kids and let us figure out which one you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's bad form to bring kids, and it's bad form for the school to say no kids and fail to provide any type of care. You just have to decide which is worse.

Why to the bolded? The onus is on the school to provide care rather than the parents? If my physical therapist has a no kids policy, is it their responsibility to provide care for my kid? How should the school be able to provide care in this situation? The teachers are involved in the event as are other staff. There's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that you don't always see.

You want a few high school kids earning SSL hours taking care of your kids? What ages? The kids typically who cause a disruption are under the age of 4. They need more supervision than that, especially those who are still in diapers. No one besides the parents should have to be responsible for that. If the kids are elementary age, they're usually fine sitting in the hallway outside the classroom with a book or coloring materials or something. Parents are still ultimately responsible for their children in this situation, so you'd have to know if your child would be capable handling this or not.

I work at a school with a high low-income population. We tried to provide childcare for school events for a few years. We got volunteers that didn't show up, way more kids than parents had signed up for, a trashed classroom because toddlers were throwing things they found, kids with dirty diapers, kids who were hungry, kids who were screaming and crying for their parents, and parents who took advantage and socialized after the event ended and would ignore requests to take their children and go home. My principal decided not to continue to provide childcare anymore.

I'm a teacher and usually coordinate with neighbors for things like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck is back to school night considered an adult-only event in the first place? When I was a kid, it was for the whole family, and it was fine.

Because it's a time for the teachers to give a little speech to ALL of the parents, and it's hard to hear them when kids are making noise.

When you were a kid you also probably didn't have IEPs for SN kids. Why not go back to that, too.

Yes to above. Adding to that is that your kids are a distraction AND it's super crowded so if you made BTSN a family event it would be even more crowded.

Seriousky, have you never been to a BTSN??? A family event...gimme a break! This isn't the PTA fall festival fundraiser, it's BTSN.

Np here. No, I haven't. This is my oldest's first year in school (prek) and I have lived a life that until now has been back to school night free. (As an adult. I have no recollection of what they may have been like as a kid.) I assumed it was for the whole family. The school gave no guidance as far as I could tell and it just seemed like one more thing. I had planned on the entire family going. My husband was the one who brought up the idea that it was probably for parents only and we checked with some veteran parents in our dd's class. Don't worry- Grandma lives close and can watch the kids, but I would like to think that if we showed up with two kids, people would be kind to parents new to this.

They often talk about things that kids should not hear:
- the actual day sex Ed starts (fourth grade)
- how discipline may work (at one btsn the teacher explained she has a point system where the kids work towards a pizza party. She had only a single class earn two in a year but all will earn one for field day. The kids aren't to know that earning that one is a definite)
- teacher in fifth grade discussed how math groups are based on protests and kids are placed in groups based on how well they did but they did NOT want the kids to know which group meant what.
- teacher in second had sign up for mystery reader there for parents to sign up for it right then

This is not a family event. This is to provide information between the adults (teachers, parents, specialists, some admin, etc). That's it.

If that is what it is, then the school(s) should be more blunt in their communications about it. Again, my kids school was not and I'm not a mind reader,

You got a mouth, right? Use it. Ask the teacher or admin if kids should stay home. You already know the answer from what is written on the many pages here yet you're still looking for a way out by claiming the school hasn't been blunt enough with you. Gimme a break.