Is it bad form to bring your kids to back to school night?

[Anonymous]

It would never occur to me either that back to school night was adults-only. At our school the whole point was the teacher addressing the kids and parents together. This was in the Midwest; maybe it's a regional thing? Info that kids weren't supposed to know about was in handbooks and such given to parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would never occur to me either that back to school night was adults-only. At our school the whole point was the teacher addressing the kids and parents together. This was in the Midwest; maybe it's a regional thing? Info that kids weren't supposed to know about was in handbooks and such given to parents.

OP said it said something like child are isn't provided or something. That's pretty clear but at least unclear enough that you would ask the teacher if kids were invited. This isn't the Midwest and here it isn't done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Why the heck is back to school night considered an adult-only event in the first place? When I was a kid, it was for the whole family, and it was fine.

Because it's a time for the teachers to give a little speech to ALL of the parents, and it's hard to hear them when kids are making noise.

When you were a kid you also probably didn't have IEPs for SN kids. Why not go back to that, too.

Yes to above. Adding to that is that your kids are a distraction AND it's super crowded so if you made BTSN a family event it would be even more crowded.

Seriousky, have you never been to a BTSN??? A family event...gimme a break! This isn't the PTA fall festival fundraiser, it's BTSN.

Np here. No, I haven't. This is my oldest's first year in school (prek) and I have lived a life that until now has been back to school night free. (As an adult. I have no recollection of what they may have been like as a kid.) I assumed it was for the whole family. The school gave no guidance as far as I could tell and it just seemed like one more thing. I had planned on the entire family going. My husband was the one who brought up the idea that it was probably for parents only and we checked with some veteran parents in our dd's class. Don't worry- Grandma lives close and can watch the kids, but I would like to think that if we showed up with two kids, people would be kind to parents new to this.

They often talk about things that kids should not hear:
- the actual day sex Ed starts (fourth grade)
- how discipline may work (at one btsn the teacher explained she has a point system where the kids work towards a pizza party. She had only a single class earn two in a year but all will earn one for field day. The kids aren't to know that earning that one is a definite)
- teacher in fifth grade discussed how math groups are based on protests and kids are placed in groups based on how well they did but they did NOT want the kids to know which group meant what.
- teacher in second had sign up for mystery reader there for parents to sign up for it right then

This is not a family event. This is to provide information between the adults (teachers, parents, specialists, some admin, etc). That's it.

If that is what it is, then the school(s) should be more blunt in their communications about it. Again, my kids school was not and I'm not a mind reader,

You got a mouth, right? Use it. Ask the teacher or admin if kids should stay home. You already know the answer from what is written on the many pages here yet you're still looking for a way out by claiming the school hasn't been blunt enough with you. Gimme a break.

There are a lot of people posting, but I am not the OP. I'm merely a parent who thinks that if there are such passionate views on children not attending, the schools should communicate much more clearly about it. My sitter is lined up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's bad form to bring kids, and it's bad form for the school to say no kids and fail to provide any type of care. You just have to decide which is worse.

Why to the bolded? The onus is on the school to provide care rather than the parents? If my physical therapist has a no kids policy, is it their responsibility to provide care for my kid? How should the school be able to provide care in this situation? The teachers are involved in the event as are other staff. There's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that you don't always see.

You want a few high school kids earning SSL hours taking care of your kids? What ages? The kids typically who cause a disruption are under the age of 4. They need more supervision than that, especially those who are still in diapers. No one besides the parents should have to be responsible for that. If the kids are elementary age, they're usually fine sitting in the hallway outside the classroom with a book or coloring materials or something. Parents are still ultimately responsible for their children in this situation, so you'd have to know if your child would be capable handling this or not.

I work at a school with a high low-income population. We tried to provide childcare for school events for a few years. We got volunteers that didn't show up, way more kids than parents had signed up for, a trashed classroom because toddlers were throwing things they found, kids with dirty diapers, kids who were hungry, kids who were screaming and crying for their parents, and parents who took advantage and socialized after the event ended and would ignore requests to take their children and go home. My principal decided not to continue to provide childcare anymore.

I'm a teacher and usually coordinate with neighbors for things like this.

The onus is on the school to provide care if you want the parents to show up, without kids. Would it be that way in an ideal world? I don't have an opinion on that. Is it that way, in the real world that we actually live in? Yes.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me so happy I am travelling next week and not going to BTSN at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so happy I am travelling next week and not going to BTSN at all.

But do you have a co-parent, and if so, is the co-parent going, and if so, what is the co-parent doing about bringing/not bringing the child(ren)?

[Anonymous]

I attended a back-to-school night last night, where quite a few people had brought their school age kids and younger siblings. The kids and the parents were noisy while the principal and teachers were talking. I thought that it was incredibly rude and it made it hard to hear. The thing that bothered me the most is that in many instances, it wasn't a simple case of a parent not having a baby sitter or having to visit multiple teachers at the same time. These families had both parents there for one child, crowding an already small cafeteria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so happy I am travelling next week and not going to BTSN at all.

But do you have a co-parent, and if so, is the co-parent going, and if so, what is the co-parent doing about bringing/not bringing the child(ren)?

DH is home, he may be going--I told him its up to him. We're both from here so we have family to babysit. But if someone else had to bring their kids, I certainly would not talk about them behind their backs. And I don't see my neighbors doing that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would never occur to me either that back to school night was adults-only. At our school the whole point was the teacher addressing the kids and parents together. This was in the Midwest; maybe it's a regional thing? Info that kids weren't supposed to know about was in handbooks and such given to parents.

You said "at our school" and then "maybe it's a regional thing?". Horrible logic. Maybe it's just your school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's bad form to bring kids, and it's bad form for the school to say no kids and fail to provide any type of care. You just have to decide which is worse.

Why to the bolded? The onus is on the school to provide care rather than the parents? If my physical therapist has a no kids policy, is it their responsibility to provide care for my kid? How should the school be able to provide care in this situation? The teachers are involved in the event as are other staff. There's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that you don't always see.

You want a few high school kids earning SSL hours taking care of your kids? What ages? The kids typically who cause a disruption are under the age of 4. They need more supervision than that, especially those who are still in diapers. No one besides the parents should have to be responsible for that. If the kids are elementary age, they're usually fine sitting in the hallway outside the classroom with a book or coloring materials or something. Parents are still ultimately responsible for their children in this situation, so you'd have to know if your child would be capable handling this or not.

I work at a school with a high low-income population. We tried to provide childcare for school events for a few years. We got volunteers that didn't show up, way more kids than parents had signed up for, a trashed classroom because toddlers were throwing things they found, kids with dirty diapers, kids who were hungry, kids who were screaming and crying for their parents, and parents who took advantage and socialized after the event ended and would ignore requests to take their children and go home. My principal decided not to continue to provide childcare anymore.

I'm a teacher and usually coordinate with neighbors for things like this.

The onus is on the school to provide care if you want the parents to show up, without kids. Would it be that way in an ideal world? I don't have an opinion on that. Is it that way, in the real world that we actually live in? Yes.

NP here and I wholeheartedly disagree. The school has more of a responsibility than the child's own parents? That's ridiculous and sums up what's wrong with our society today. People think that they don't have to take responsibility and push their own responsibilities onto others. In no way should it be the school's responsibility to provide childcare for an event that doesn't include children. That is fully on the parents to find care for their kids if they want to be able to attend. If they don't then that's their choice.

[Anonymous]

How could it be the school's responsibility to provide childcare? Would that be true for infants? Toddlers? Preschoolers? Children who have separation anxiety? What if someone bites another kid? I mean it is POSSIBLE they could provide childcare but to be so entitled to think it should be required...give me a break.

[Anonymous]

If the kids are upper elementary school, they might be able to stay home alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the kids are upper elementary school, they might be able to stay home alone

The kids are now in middle or high school since you dug up a 7 year old post.

[Anonymous]

BTSN really shows the teachers and administrators which families prioritize their children’s education. So do whatever you want. But this is your first impression at this school.

[Anonymous]

Weird. Our BTSN is FOR kids! We have bouncy houses, a DJ dance party, Kona Ice and food trucks, and then each grade and association ( PTA, KidsCo, Boy Scouts, etc.) has an info booth in the main hall. There is an hour to circulate your child’s classroom and meet the teacher, classmates and see your child’s work. You get slides from PTA meeting and newsletter. Fun, engaging and not boring.