Is it bad form to bring your kids to back to school night?

[Anonymous]

To answer the question in the post title, yes. It is poor form. That doesn't mean you'll be kicked out for bringing them, but there has been ample notice given that children are not invited. If everyone brought their kids it would be absolute chaos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, but some do because they have no choice. You do what you need to do, OP.

No, how about following the very clear, explicit instructions provided by the school.
OP, as others have said, most school understand one parent going between multiple presentations. Also (top secret info coming up here) Back to School not is really not the be-all, end-all of school info. You'll have parent teacher conferences, PTA meetings, and can always schedule a meeting with any staff person you need to speak with about specific matters. If there are handouts, simply ask the teacher to send them home with student.
There are a million legitimate reasons why someone can't make back-to-school night. Not the end of the world.

You're an ass. She wants to go. She wants to see the notes the kids write to their parents in the classroom. She wants to see and meet other parents. She should go bring her kids and everyone else should get the f*ck over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring them, super rude.
It's a perfect occasion to try out a new babysitter.

Not everyone can afford a babysitter. I can't. Please check your privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the post title, yes. It is poor form. That doesn't mean you'll be kicked out for bringing them, but there has been ample notice given that children are not invited. If everyone brought their kids it would be absolute chaos.

See, the point is NOT everyone will bring their kids so that's a fake scenario. The only people who bring their kids are those who don't have a sitter in regular rotation because they stay at home with their kids.

Poor form?--bitches like the ones on this thread with all their money and fancy jobs just assume everyone has the same options that they have. Well not everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring them, super rude.
It's a perfect occasion to try out a new babysitter.

Not everyone can afford a babysitter. I can't. Please check your privilege.

+1 It really is a question of privilege. Incredibly tone deaf to judge anyone for bringing their kids.Washington DC Ward 3 public schools are filled with very well off (ok, not rich but) assholes who are just slumming. The school culture is all about acting civic-minded, while looking down their noses at people who don't spend money on certain things. They'll buy a Starbucks latte every day or go to expensive yoga classes and then smirk at a parent who buys their kid Jordan's because posh parent thinks it's déclassé. Whatever. Fuck these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, but some do because they have no choice. You do what you need to do, OP.

No, how about following the very clear, explicit instructions provided by the school.
OP, as others have said, most school understand one parent going between multiple presentations. Also (top secret info coming up here) Back to School not is really not the be-all, end-all of school info. You'll have parent teacher conferences, PTA meetings, and can always schedule a meeting with any staff person you need to speak with about specific matters. If there are handouts, simply ask the teacher to send them home with student.
There are a million legitimate reasons why someone can't make back-to-school night. Not the end of the world.

Yes, this is true for 95+% of those coming. But in public school, you have people who are low income with children or people who had childcare cancel. If a person with a low hourly wage has to take off work to attend the session, they may not be able to cover both the loss of income and paying for a sitter which can cost up to $20/hr depending on where the family lives and if they have to use a service because they don't have anyone local to help. For 3 hours, that can be up to $75 which may be completely out of range of what the family can afford on top of lost wages for the evening. Would you suggest that the family skip groceries for a week or most of a week just so that the parent can attend BtS night? That's ridiculous. There may be a family who had childcare lined up, but lost their sitter at the last minute (I had a situation this weekend when my sitter called 30 minutes before and said her car wouldn't start, I had to go pick her up and we were late to our event). The rules are set to discourage those parents who have a choice, but don't want to make it (like a family who could afford to hire a care.com or White House Nanny sitter, but doesn't want to). But those who have extenuating circumstances are welcome to attend and if they have to bring their child just to attend, they have to do that. If there are only a few exceptions, the school can handle it, But they can't handle dozens of children who are brought along because it's convenient rather than necessary. So the rules are in place to discourage as many people as possible from bringing children, but I don't know a school that assumes that there will be no children at all at BtS night. They know that there will be some, they just hope it's as minimal as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the post title, yes. It is poor form. That doesn't mean you'll be kicked out for bringing them, but there has been ample notice given that children are not invited. If everyone brought their kids it would be absolute chaos.

See, the point is NOT everyone will bring their kids so that's a fake scenario. The only people who bring their kids are those who don't have a sitter in regular rotation because they stay at home with their kids.

Poor form?--bitches like the ones on this thread with all their money and fancy jobs just assume everyone has the same options that they have. Well not everyone does.

Had OP indicated that they can't afford a babysitter the responses would probably be more sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the post title, yes. It is poor form. That doesn't mean you'll be kicked out for bringing them, but there has been ample notice given that children are not invited. If everyone brought their kids it would be absolute chaos.

See, the point is NOT everyone will bring their kids so that's a fake scenario. The only people who bring their kids are those who don't have a sitter in regular rotation because they stay at home with their kids.

Poor form?--bitches like the ones on this thread with all their money and fancy jobs just assume everyone has the same options that they have. Well not everyone does.

Had OP indicated that they can't afford a babysitter the responses would probably be more sympathetic.

Agreed.

Our school says there is no childcare b/c they want everyone who can get a babysitter to get a sitter, but there is always childcare for those who can't get one.

OP I have never heard anything on BTSN that if missed would have put me or my child at a disadvantage. I go b/c it is what you do but missing it is not the end of the world.
I say show up with both kids. If there is childcare, you and your husband split up. If not one of you goes to both and the other takes the kids for a treat.

[Anonymous]

Just take the kids to the other's classroom. As long as they are not noisy/disruptive, no one would care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the post title, yes. It is poor form. That doesn't mean you'll be kicked out for bringing them, but there has been ample notice given that children are not invited. If everyone brought their kids it would be absolute chaos.

See, the point is NOT everyone will bring their kids so that's a fake scenario. The only people who bring their kids are those who don't have a sitter in regular rotation because they stay at home with their kids.

Poor form?--bitches like the ones on this thread with all their money and fancy jobs just assume everyone has the same options that they have. Well not everyone does.

Had OP indicated that they can't afford a babysitter the responses would probably be more sympathetic.

DP. OP just moved here a few weeks ago. She may not know people yet to ask for recommendations or have time to start interviewing potential candidates from care.com in time for BTSN. Give her a freaking break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the post title, yes. It is poor form. That doesn't mean you'll be kicked out for bringing them, but there has been ample notice given that children are not invited. If everyone brought their kids it would be absolute chaos.

See, the point is NOT everyone will bring their kids so that's a fake scenario. The only people who bring their kids are those who don't have a sitter in regular rotation because they stay at home with their kids.

Poor form?--bitches like the ones on this thread with all their money and fancy jobs just assume everyone has the same options that they have. Well not everyone does.

Had OP indicated that they can't afford a babysitter the responses would probably be more sympathetic.

DP. OP just moved here a few weeks ago. She may not know people yet to ask for recommendations or have time to start interviewing potential candidates from care.com in time for BTSN. Give her a freaking break.

This happened to me last year when we had just moved cross country. I have plenty of funds for babysitting- it's that when you only need a sitter for an hour they are harder to find.

[Anonymous]

I've been to BTSNs where the kids who were there were to sit outside in the hallway entertaining themselves with books or games while the parents were inside the classrooms. There wasn't space inside the classrooms for an extra 5 kids. If you must bring them, try to make them as discreet as possible and entertain them (outside the door if possible) so that the parents can hear and focus on the teacher. Other people paid for their kids to be watched so that they could focus on what the teacher would be saying. At least respect that and arrange for your kids to watch a show, play a game or read a book quietly.

[Anonymous]

12:35 - why would BTS night be a strain on SAH parents in particular? If a family can afford a SAH parent, it is assumed that there is a second parent who does have a job. In theory at least, that parent would be available to either watch the kids or attend BTS night.

Whereas some single parents legitimately might not have a way to attend BTS night without their child.

My own dilemma is that I'm trying to juggle BTS night (which I have to attend because I'm on the PTA board and a presenter at the event) and my child's soccer practice with my co-parent traveling that week. typically co-parent takes kid to practice or watches her and I attend. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been to BTSNs where the kids who were there were to sit outside in the hallway entertaining themselves with books or games while the parents were inside the classrooms. There wasn't space inside the classrooms for an extra 5 kids. If you must bring them, try to make them as discreet as possible and entertain them (outside the door if possible) so that the parents can hear and focus on the teacher. Other people paid for their kids to be watched so that they could focus on what the teacher would be saying. At least respect that and arrange for your kids to watch a show, play a game or read a book quietly.

This. There is NO extra space in the classrooms, which are designed to hold x number of kids and are jam packed with a larger number of parents. Use common sense and be courteous to the teacher, who needs a quiet room to communicate her material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't bring them, super rude.
It's a perfect occasion to try out a new babysitter.

Not everyone can afford a babysitter. I can't. Please check your privilege.

Then one parent stays home. OP said they both were planning on attending. I go alone every year and DH stays home. I try to stop by both rooms. If DH is working late I hire a sitter from care.com or don't go.