Bullying, physical and sexual assaults at DCPS elementary and nothing being done by principal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email the parents directly. Let them know what is happening, 9 out of 10 times, the parents either don't know or were informed in a way that minimized the incidents. Most parents don't want their kids to be awful people and would step in. In the meantime, keep your kid home. Let him know you will do everything to keep him safe. Sign him up for a sports league or taekwondo - he needs a "pack", other kids that can look out for him or get a grownup if something happens.

Don't contact the parents, and certainly not as a first step. These are young kids; if there were something magic the parents could do to stop aggressive behavior in young kids, there would be no aggressive behavior in young kids. And if the parents react in a hostile or defensive way (which is a strong possibility) then that's just going to make the situation worse. Calling the parents is something people do because they actually want the kid punished by the parents. Which may be an understandable reaction, but is extremely unlikely do do anything to resolve the situation, and very likely to make it worse.

I recommended contacting the parents because she has already informed the school and they are either not acting or acting slowly. I did contact the parents when my kid was being bullied and the parents were horrified and apologetic and eager to find a solution together with the school to stop the aggressive behavior. It is not about punishment or magic bullets, but rather that the situation requires all affected grown ups to be reinforcing the same non bullying message.

It's the school's role to do that, not the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you send him to that school even one more day? I would send him to an affordable Catholic school, other low cost private school, or homeschool him. I would call every charter school to see if there was room or rent a small apartment in another area temporarily to send my kid to any other school.

My kid was bullied constantly in Catholic school. Don't be fooled into thinking it any different there or that they do anything about it.

PP - You're an idiot.

OP - I'm on Capitol Hill, had the same issue, and had to sue the DCPS. The only person who cared was the judge. If you can't trust the principal, get out of there. We're in a blue ribbon parochial and loving it. Our DD is progressing amazingly, now out of DCPS. Bullying isn't tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your child and family...
There is an office in DCPS that will help find a placement at another school if your child has been assaulted at their school. Please call and see if there might be a spot available at a school you would be happy with. You might at the same time talk to your Cluster Superintendent - each Instructional Superintendent in DC has about 12 schools under their management and apparently they like to keep "dirty laundry" under their own roof and might be helpful in transferring your child to another school that they manage - they may be able to pull strings to do that. They usually have a mix of schools - some great, which may or may not be close - not sure if transportation would be an issue. Also, if you keep your child out - you must email your school everyday saying your child is sick or they will come after you on truancy. I would also reach out to your school board person - they have no real authority, but good to document and they sometimes will help with getting others to respond.
If they make you send him to school - if you are able(as you said you could home school, so assuming you do not work) go to school with him and tell the school you are going to be in the classroom - I do not think they can make you leave.
Good luck - hope all goes well. I am not a fan of Capitol Hill schools.

This all sounds great, except that DCPS truly does not care about your kid. You can either go private or move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you send him to that school even one more day? I would send him to an affordable Catholic school, other low cost private school, or homeschool him. I would call every charter school to see if there was room or rent a small apartment in another area temporarily to send my kid to any other school.

My kid was bullied constantly in Catholic school. Don't be fooled into thinking it any different there or that they do anything about it.

PP - You're an idiot.

OP - I'm on Capitol Hill, had the same issue, and had to sue the DCPS. The only person who cared was the judge. If you can't trust the principal, get out of there. We're in a blue ribbon parochial and loving it. Our DD is progressing amazingly, now out of DCPS. Bullying isn't tolerated.

You actually sued DCPS? Why did you do that, if you were just going to send your kid to Catholic school? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your child and family...
There is an office in DCPS that will help find a placement at another school if your child has been assaulted at their school. Please call and see if there might be a spot available at a school you would be happy with. You might at the same time talk to your Cluster Superintendent - each Instructional Superintendent in DC has about 12 schools under their management and apparently they like to keep "dirty laundry" under their own roof and might be helpful in transferring your child to another school that they manage - they may be able to pull strings to do that. They usually have a mix of schools - some great, which may or may not be close - not sure if transportation would be an issue. Also, if you keep your child out - you must email your school everyday saying your child is sick or they will come after you on truancy. I would also reach out to your school board person - they have no real authority, but good to document and they sometimes will help with getting others to respond.
If they make you send him to school - if you are able(as you said you could home school, so assuming you do not work) go to school with him and tell the school you are going to be in the classroom - I do not think they can make you leave.
Good luck - hope all goes well. I am not a fan of Capitol Hill schools.

This all sounds great, except that DCPS truly does not care about your kid. You can either go private or move.

I agree that DCPS as a whole doesn't are, but I believe that some schools, teachers, and principals do care, and some do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you send him to that school even one more day? I would send him to an affordable Catholic school, other low cost private school, or homeschool him. I would call every charter school to see if there was room or rent a small apartment in another area temporarily to send my kid to any other school.

My kid was bullied constantly in Catholic school. Don't be fooled into thinking it any different there or that they do anything about it.

PP - You're an idiot.

OP - I'm on Capitol Hill, had the same issue, and had to sue the DCPS. The only person who cared was the judge. If you can't trust the principal, get out of there. We're in a blue ribbon parochial and loving it. Our DD is progressing amazingly, now out of DCPS. Bullying isn't tolerated.

You actually sued DCPS? Why did you do that, if you were just going to send your kid to Catholic school? Wow.

No, we were fans of our neighborhood school until kids in the class started getting beat on and my daughter was waking up at night balling inconsolably. And the principal didn't make the class safe and actually lied about what was going on in there until a room parent emailed the parents to say what really was going on. So DCPS has cost me of lot of money for private school and a lot of hassle, and we had to leave our neighborhood school and friends. Unless you're going to move, go parochial or private. Yeah, I'm still mad as hell about it, and at those incompetent, non-caring DCPS bureaucrats. Bring in charters and vouchers, and let DCPS go out of business; they don't earn their paychecks. I kove the DCPS teachers, but the administrators are absolutely abysmal. We lost our "neighborhood" school; that was a big loss but my DD is now thriving - in parochial school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you send him to that school even one more day? I would send him to an affordable Catholic school, other low cost private school, or homeschool him. I would call every charter school to see if there was room or rent a small apartment in another area temporarily to send my kid to any other school.

My kid was bullied constantly in Catholic school. Don't be fooled into thinking it any different there or that they do anything about it.

PP - You're an idiot.

OP - I'm on Capitol Hill, had the same issue, and had to sue the DCPS. The only person who cared was the judge. If you can't trust the principal, get out of there. We're in a blue ribbon parochial and loving it. Our DD is progressing amazingly, now out of DCPS. Bullying isn't tolerated.

You actually sued DCPS? Why did you do that, if you were just going to send your kid to Catholic school? Wow.

No, we were fans of our neighborhood school until kids in the class started getting beat on and my daughter was waking up at night balling inconsolably. And the principal didn't make the class safe and actually lied about what was going on in there until a room parent emailed the parents to say what really was going on. So DCPS has cost me of lot of money for private school and a lot of hassle, and we had to leave our neighborhood school and friends. Unless you're going to move, go parochial or private. Yeah, I'm still mad as hell about it, and at those incompetent, non-caring DCPS bureaucrats. Bring in charters and vouchers, and let DCPS go out of business; they don't earn their paychecks. I kove the DCPS teachers, but the administrators are absolutely abysmal. We lost our "neighborhood" school; that was a big loss but my DD is now thriving - in parochial school.

So you didn't sue DCPS? Was that a different PP who said that?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I sued DCPS to make the classroom safe or get my daughter out of there. DCPS wasn't going to make the classroom safe, so we got her transferred to a different school to finish out the school year and then went parochial. My daughter's first life lesson was when faced with a male aggressor, it is she who must retreat and not the bully. Well she sleeps just fine now since in parochial school. So I say, "Thanks DCPS for your government service - NOT."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I sued DCPS to make the classroom safe or get my daughter out of there. DCPS wasn't going to make the classroom safe, so we got her transferred to a different school to finish out the school year and then went parochial. My daughter's first life lesson was when faced with a male aggressor, it is she who must retreat and not the bully. Well she sleeps just fine now since in parochial school. So I say, "Thanks DCPS for your government service - NOT."

like you actually filed a lawsuit and got a judgment? you said the judge agrees with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I sued DCPS to make the classroom safe or get my daughter out of there. DCPS wasn't going to make the classroom safe, so we got her transferred to a different school to finish out the school year and then went parochial. My daughter's first life lesson was when faced with a male aggressor, it is she who must retreat and not the bully. Well she sleeps just fine now since in parochial school. So I say, "Thanks DCPS for your government service - NOT."

like you actually filed a lawsuit and got a judgment? you said the judge agrees with you.

And the in order to get a transfer you have to sue? Was that what it came to? Did you have a police report?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I sued DCPS to make the classroom safe or get my daughter out of there. DCPS wasn't going to make the classroom safe, so we got her transferred to a different school to finish out the school year and then went parochial. My daughter's first life lesson was when faced with a male aggressor, it is she who must retreat and not the bully. Well she sleeps just fine now since in parochial school. So I say, "Thanks DCPS for your government service - NOT."

like you actually filed a lawsuit and got a judgment? you said the judge agrees with you.

I said the judge was the only one who cared, and ordered DCPS to mediate. DCPS did not care about the safety of my child. We mediated and settled on the transfer. This was a TRO case with the Judge in Chambers. Why do you care? Filing a TRO isn't such a big deal, you just blow the day in Superior Court snd pay a lot for process serving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody is even gently asking whether a 5-year-old's reports may not be fully accurate?

OP- I have pictures of him from today. The entire back right sleeve of his shirt is covered in brown dirt and his shoulddr is scrapped up and low back red/bruised. The day the incident in the bathroom happened I was standing right outside because it was after school. I saw 4 boys run out of the bathroom and then my 4 year old come out screaming cover saying someone peed on him. Sure enough- covered in pee from the knee down. My little one still says sometimes, "No one peed on me in the bathroom" when we have to use it while we are there. Then when my older son tells me the same kid watched him pee, etc. I believed him. Would you question your own? The very next day my 5 year old who was sleeping in underwear at 2.5 had an accident at school because he was too scared to use the hall bathroom with the older kids. He must be a liar to pee his pants! Please. Oh, and the time he was choked out in the library by the 3rd grader. His friend was there and saw it, but you know they got together and made that one up! And if the teacher didn't see it; it didn't happen! I could go on...but I don't need to prove myself on the Internet. Just looking for advice and I appreciate all the nice comments so far.

I know this thread is already 9+ pages long and I'm only on p. 3, so maybe there's resolution by the time I get to end, but OP I canNOT understand how - if you've documented these incidents IN WRITING with the level of detail you just gave here, and copied both the Principal AND the Superintendent, I don't understand how you haven't gotten any action.

Also, did you ever ask for a meeting with the teachers, Principal and parents of the other kids? I assume your son is telling the truth, but even if he was lying (which I don't believe is the case) there is clearly an issue with these other students and I'd want the Principal to convene a mtg of the other parents (maybe not all at once, but at least the "ringleaders" or whichever kid is harassing your son most).

We're not at a Cap Hill school but I got the fastest and most meaningful action out of reluctant teachers and school staff when I 1) put my concerns in writing and named names and dates (as much as I could); 2) asked for specifics on what they are doing to protect my child and address the other kids (they can't tell me what they're specifically doing with each child, but you can ask "In a situation where a child allegedly did __________, what is the school's response supposed to be?"); and 3) I demanded a mtg with the parent fo the other child (in my case it was one child) if that child laid another hand on my child.

We didn't have any more incidents for the rest of the year. I'm not saying it's always that simple, but those steps are key steps to take as early as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email the parents directly. Let them know what is happening, 9 out of 10 times, the parents either don't know or were informed in a way that minimized the incidents. Most parents don't want their kids to be awful people and would step in. In the meantime, keep your kid home. Let him know you will do everything to keep him safe. Sign him up for a sports league or taekwondo - he needs a "pack", other kids that can look out for him or get a grownup if something happens.

Don't contact the parents, and certainly not as a first step. These are young kids; if there were something magic the parents could do to stop aggressive behavior in young kids, there would be no aggressive behavior in young kids. And if the parents react in a hostile or defensive way (which is a strong possibility) then that's just going to make the situation worse. Calling the parents is something people do because they actually want the kid punished by the parents. Which may be an understandable reaction, but is extremely unlikely do do anything to resolve the situation, and very likely to make it worse.

Agreed. I know of a situation where parents almost came to blows within the last two years--apparently, the parent of a supposed bully got irate during a meeting at school, and police had to be called.

There is some risk involved in talking to several sets of parents yourselves--even if some of them react reasonably, there is always the possibility that others won't. Unless I knew the parents pretty well, I'd go through official channels.

I was on a parent on the other end of this (the aggressive kid was mine) and the teacher kept on trying to get me to talk to the other parents (and then the other parents tried to set up meetings). It was totally pointless. I knew everything that was happening and was doing what I could to fix the situation. Younger kid, but probably not all that different for 6-7 year olds. There was no reason for me to meet with the parents; they just wanted to be nosy about my child, make useless suggestions, or get me to apologize to them or pressure me to withdraw my kid. This is an issue for the school to work out, not for parents to work out between themselves. If I needed helpful support/advice the last place I was going to go was other parents who were pissed off at me/my kid.

With all due respect PP, while maybe you really were doing everything you could do, I've been in this situation before and the aggressor kid's parents were in total denial. Refused to acknowledge their son had any behavioral issues and chalked everything up to "the school not understanding boys enough" even though there are obviously around 50% boys in same grade and none of others in this class were having this level of issues.

My point is, you may not like the other parents asking to meet with you, or you may refuse to meet. But I am ABSOLUTELY going to ask for that meeting, actually demand it, and if the other parent won't meet which is of course their right, then I'm going to inundate the school with questions in writing and updates on what steps they're taking to insure my child is not victimized any more. I also, in our case, put the school on notice that they were officially on notice about the violent behavior of this other child in the classroom, and if my child or any other students were hurt by him, I'd make sure those parents were aware that the school knew and there was no or not enough action on their part with the parents. In our case the school did call a meeting between the parents, and it was only after the other kid's parents completely denying that anything was wrong that the school finally acknowleged they had to get more firm with the parents about what supports they look into for their son because his behavior was going to escalate the school's response if they didn't improve. (The school didn't tell me this, the parents of the aggressor child did.)

I don't know what the school did further, or what the parents did differently, but things have been DRAMATICALLY better with this student. His behavior has improved greatly, and I'm pretty sure they had him evaluated and are getting him services or supports he otherwise wouldn't have gotten if the school had not finally put their foot down.

That is all a long way of saying: if you feel your child is being victimized, document everything, ask the school waht specifically they're doing differently to protect your child and any other kids who've had similar issues; ask to meet with the child with the concerning behavior's parents to share your concerns and hear their view and see if any progress towards solutions can be made; if none of that works go up chain tot Superintendents and Chancellor and maybe press, and as last resort be ready to take legal action.

And just to be clear, all of those steps are NOT with a goal of punishing the child with the concerning behaviors. It's to make the school figure out how to address and manage those behaviors (and work with the parents of that child) in a way that will make things better both for that child and your kids. Because let's be clear, that child with the behaviors isn't learning anything either if the teacher is spending a lot of time trying to manage them or take them to the office. It benefits everyone for that child to not be assaulting or harassing or disrupting other students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you send him to that school even one more day? I would send him to an affordable Catholic school, other low cost private school, or homeschool him. I would call every charter school to see if there was room or rent a small apartment in another area temporarily to send my kid to any other school.

My kid was bullied constantly in Catholic school. Don't be fooled into thinking it any different there or that they do anything about it.

Mine too - nothing done about it. In Bethesda no less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you send him to that school even one more day? I would send him to an affordable Catholic school, other low cost private school, or homeschool him. I would call every charter school to see if there was room or rent a small apartment in another area temporarily to send my kid to any other school.

My kid was bullied constantly in Catholic school. Don't be fooled into thinking it any different there or that they do anything about it.

Mine too - nothing done about it. In Bethesda no less.

This sounds like trolling. Bullying just isn't tolerated in a parochial school, period.