Bullying, physical and sexual assaults at DCPS elementary and nothing being done by principal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ PP, new poster here. I'd say you don't understand. [/b]Don't let your kid traumatize others. What's so hard about that?

This makes no sense

trust me, if there were a single way that parents could stop their kids from hitting, there would be no hitting. apologizing to other parents is for the parents, and has nothing at all to do with solving the problem with the kids.

NP: Wow, there sure are a lot of apologist parents here who abdicate responsibility for behavior management in their kids at the drop of a hat!

Every single person here who said don't contact the parents of the kids hurting your child or who said "If there was a single way to stop kids from hitting there'd be no hitting" is acting like there are no badly-behaving children in schools who are like that because their parents suck at setting boundaries, addressing bad behavior, or accepting the fact that they may need help and additional tools beyond their household to learn how to manage their kids' behaviors.

I work in schools and the number of parents who show up and: 1) make excuses (i.e. don't take the behaviors seriously or blame the school); 2) deny their kids are doing what we tell them they're doing; 3) throw their hands up in the air and say it's beyond their control, then demonstrate right in front of us that they don't set boundaries at all for their kid when their kid acts up; or 4) are in denial that there is more than can be done and they should reach out or contact resources we refer them to for assistance... the number of each of those types of parents and some who fit in more than one category is mind-blowing.

And NONE of those situations are situations where "nothing can be done".

So stop acting like there's nothing parents can do better or differently. Sometimes it's true, the parent has tried everything, or there's a bigger issue that tneeds to be addressed and the parent is open and willing to try other resources but didn't know what to do. But there are also MANY of the other types of parents, and they need to come face to face with the parents of the child/children their child is beating up on and explain to those parents how "boys will be boys" or how everyone is over-reacting or how it's all the school's fault.

And then parents and teachers and school admins need to work together to come up with realistic and promising next steps where there are some. You guys whining "there's no single thing you can do so stop talking about contacting the parent" need to grow up yourselves, because you do your own kids a great disservice with that attitude.

[b]that's what you got from this, "apologist parents," really? not a single person came here and said "boys will be boys." all the parents I know of small kids with behavioral problems KNOW IT and are deeply distressed and trying to figure it out.

Brush up on your reading comprehension skills darlin', I said "Everyone who said..." and then explained exactly which posts I was talking about. And yes, my point still stands, blanket statements about "Don't try to engage the parents of the aggressive child, they can't do anything else" are too general and therefore come across as blanket not taking responsibility. I also say in my post that situations *do* occur where there really is nothing more the parent can do and they are trying everything. But apparently you just skipped the part of my post where I specify the great number (and it really is way too many) of parents who are in denial, refuse to hold their kids accountable, or refuse to get any outside help. Just because you don't know any of those parents hardly means they don't exist, and don't exist in great numbers at that.

Ask anyone who works in schools... they have way more experience with a wider range of parents than apparently you do.

[Anonymous]

^^^^ Oops, didn't mean to bold everything, just the very last post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ PP, new poster here. I'd say you don't understand. [/b]Don't let your kid traumatize others. What's so hard about that?

This makes no sense

trust me, if there were a single way that parents could stop their kids from hitting, there would be no hitting. apologizing to other parents is for the parents, and has nothing at all to do with solving the problem with the kids.

NP: Wow, there sure are a lot of apologist parents here who abdicate responsibility for behavior management in their kids at the drop of a hat!

Every single person here who said don't contact the parents of the kids hurting your child or who said "If there was a single way to stop kids from hitting there'd be no hitting" is acting like there are no badly-behaving children in schools who are like that because their parents suck at setting boundaries, addressing bad behavior, or accepting the fact that they may need help and additional tools beyond their household to learn how to manage their kids' behaviors.

I work in schools and the number of parents who show up and: 1) make excuses (i.e. don't take the behaviors seriously or blame the school); 2) deny their kids are doing what we tell them they're doing; 3) throw their hands up in the air and say it's beyond their control, then demonstrate right in front of us that they don't set boundaries at all for their kid when their kid acts up; or 4) are in denial that there is more than can be done and they should reach out or contact resources we refer them to for assistance... the number of each of those types of parents and some who fit in more than one category is mind-blowing.

And NONE of those situations are situations where "nothing can be done".

So stop acting like there's nothing parents can do better or differently. Sometimes it's true, the parent has tried everything, or there's a bigger issue that tneeds to be addressed and the parent is open and willing to try other resources but didn't know what to do. But there are also MANY of the other types of parents, and they need to come face to face with the parents of the child/children their child is beating up on and explain to those parents how "boys will be boys" or how everyone is over-reacting or how it's all the school's fault.

And then parents and teachers and school admins need to work together to come up with realistic and promising next steps where there are some. You guys whining "there's no single thing you can do so stop talking about contacting the parent" need to grow up yourselves, because you do your own kids a great disservice with that attitude.

[b]that's what you got from this, "apologist parents," really? not a single person came here and said "boys will be boys." all the parents I know of small kids with behavioral problems KNOW IT and are deeply distressed and trying to figure it out.

Brush up on your reading comprehension skills darlin', I said "Everyone who said..." and then explained exactly which posts I was talking about. And yes, my point still stands, blanket statements about "Don't try to engage the parents of the aggressive child, they can't do anything else" are too general and therefore come across as blanket not taking responsibility. I also say in my post that situations *do* occur where there really is nothing more the parent can do and they are trying everything. But apparently you just skipped the part of my post where I specify the great number (and it really is way too many) of parents who are in denial, refuse to hold their kids accountable, or refuse to get any outside help. Just because you don't know any of those parents hardly means they don't exist, and don't exist in great numbers at that.

Ask anyone who works in schools... they have way more experience with a wider range of parents than apparently you do.

Well, based on how utterly crappy the "people who worked in schools" were with my kid's situation (and apparently the OP's situation, and many other posters here who have seen this on both ends), I don't really take that as a great credential. And in any event, I stand by my ultimate take on this: focusing on the other parents is very unlikely to help you resolve the situation, and possibly make it worse. If they're in denial/abusive cretins/whatever, then rolling up on them and demanding an apology and groveling is unlikely to do anything. If they're already trying to do everything they can, then you're just going to get more groveling. In neither case are you doing anything. The entity that SHOULD be taking steps is THE SCHOOL. If your child is being subjected to aggression outside the norm, or bullying (which are different, btw) you need to be going to the school.

As for reading comprehension, you're the one who claimed there were a "lot of apologists" here. Not me.

[Anonymous]

This is why DCPS just isn't worth the risk. OP's child could be ANYONE'S child. This is a super traumatic experience you can't fix or erase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, based on how utterly crappy the "people who worked in schools" were with my kid's situation (and apparently the OP's situation, and many other posters here who have seen this on both ends), I don't really take that as a great credential. And in any event, I stand by my ultimate take on this: focusing on the other parents is very unlikely to help you resolve the situation, and possibly make it worse. If they're in denial/abusive cretins/whatever, then rolling up on them and demanding an apology and groveling is unlikely to do anything. If they're already trying to do everything they can, then you're just going to get more groveling. In neither case are you doing anything. The entity that SHOULD be taking steps is THE SCHOOL. If your child is being subjected to aggression outside the norm, or bullying (which are different, btw) you need to be going to the school.

As for reading comprehension, you're the one who claimed there were a "lot of apologists" here. Not me.

Not the PPP here, but as you acknowledge many times going to the school is a waste of time because you're speaking to incompetent or uncaring, or both, bureaucrats. DCPS pays far too good money to have idiot administrators, but they are too plentiful and that's perplexing.

[Anonymous]

DCPS won't do anything. We had a bullying situation, too. Switch schools or homeschool. Trust me on this

[Anonymous]

I had a similar incident with my daughter last year. Very long story short, I made it clear that I was not sending my daughter to school until it was a safe environment. A number of people were involved once I started keeping her home, including the police, and instructional superintendent, someone from the DC Central Office, someone from the DC office of bullying prevention, etc. It tool about five weeks but we finally got an acceptable written safety plan in place and weekly counseling sessions for her. We were also offered a safety transfer but not to a school that was logistically feasible.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who says "parents are doing all they can, there's nothing more they can do" as a general statement IS an apologist. It's rarely that simple, and there are all sorts of root causes to kids that are abusive to other kids in an ongoing way. A general statement like that does make it sound like that's supposed to be the end of the conversation. It never is.

And at the end of the day, the school is supposed to act one way or another. If a child is really so abusive that they're causing ongoing harm, and the parents really can't do any more than they are doing, there is a real question of whether that child can be served in that school. Not saying things go smoothly in these cases with finding a more suitable school (or even doing anything), but that is what is supposed to happen, and does sometimes happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCPS won't do anything. We had a bullying situation, too. Switch schools or homeschool. Trust me on this

+1. Truth to word. Or go to private/parochial. Just get out.

[Anonymous]

Nothing ever this extreme happened to us at our HR EOTP neighborhood school but I also considered pulling and homeschooling. I decided to call the city first, to get it on record, since the principal seemed like she had no teeth and nothing ever changed. I left two VMs with DCPS and the woman never called me back. I ended up just continuing on with my child until the end of the year but it definitely changed my child . Luckily we lotteried for another school and she's happy there but her trust issues were profound for almost a year after. Neighborhood schools should be amazing, nurturing, and community oriented. Ours was none of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is a Kindergartener and has been the victim of sexual and ongoing physical assaults and bullying at his school.. The majority of these incidents occur on the playground and involve about 6-7 of 1st grade boys who single out my son, kick, hit, jump on him and call him names. Other incidents have included being watched by another student while using the bathroom and the student making inappropriatel comments about his private parts. The same student also peed on my younger son while he was washing his hands(after school). My son was also choked in the library and threatened to be killed if he told on the kid for throwing pencils at him. None of these incidents were reported to me by school staff- I had to hear them first from my son!! Whenever I speak to the principal it's always, well we talked to the kids and that's not how they said things happened and since no one saw what happened we can't do anything. Today I was ready to pull him from school and homeschool for the remainder of the year. We are new to DCPS. What are my options here? How do I get something done about this? Is this just a lost cause? Help!

Report it to the press. Keep records. Provide documentation. Use your phone to record all conversations and meetings. In DC it is legal so long as there are. It parties on the phone in other states. You do not have to get the other party's permission.

[Anonymous]

The exact same thing happened to my daughter at a Cap Hill School. The principal has an incentive to brush things under the rug, as they are judged on rubrics that include school environment and safety. This makes bad leaders deny, instead of reply. In our case, the classroom teacher was told that she was not allowed to speak to parents. The teacher ended up quitting. We had to sue DCPS to get our daughter transferred to another school. We ended up moving our daughter to Ludlow Taylor, which was just fine. Pull your kid now, before they develop a bad attitude about school in general. Go above the teacher's head. Tell your council member. You can sue in superior court if need be, it got us some satisfaction and did not cost much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The exact same thing happened to my daughter at a Cap Hill School. The principal has an incentive to brush things under the rug, as they are judged on rubrics that include school environment and safety. This makes bad leaders deny, instead of reply. In our case, the classroom teacher was told that she was not allowed to speak to parents. The teacher ended up quitting. We had to sue DCPS to get our daughter transferred to another school. We ended up moving our daughter to Ludlow Taylor, which was just fine. Pull your kid now, before they develop a bad attitude about school in general. Go above the teacher's head. Tell your council member. You can sue in superior court if need be, it got us some satisfaction and did not cost much.

Glad you got a good resolution. You should know that teachers and principals can't talk to you about individual students because their privacy is protected under FERPA. They CAN tell you about incidents involving your child. They can also tell you more generally about supports in the classroom. I can say, based on my experience of this (from the other side) that if the principal and teacher do not IMMEDIATELY put into place some evidence-based, supportive measures (which they ought to be able to tell you about, because they will involve full-classroom management, and not the individual student) then things are likely not going to change. OTOH if a parent is not able to deal at all with a few conflicts along the way with other kids (especially in PK), then public school may not be the right choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is a Kindergartener and has been the victim of sexual and ongoing physical assaults and bullying at his school.. The majority of these incidents occur on the playground and involve about 6-7 of 1st grade boys who single out my son, kick, hit, jump on him and call him names. Other incidents have included being watched by another student while using the bathroom and the student making inappropriatel comments about his private parts. The same student also peed on my younger son while he was washing his hands(after school). My son was also choked in the library and threatened to be killed if he told on the kid for throwing pencils at him. None of these incidents were reported to me by school staff- I had to hear them first from my son!! Whenever I speak to the principal it's always, well we talked to the kids and that's not how they said things happened and since no one saw what happened we can't do anything. Today I was ready to pull him from school and homeschool for the remainder of the year. We are new to DCPS. What are my options here? How do I get something done about this? Is this just a lost cause? Help!

I would immediately remove my child from the school!

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The exact same thing happened to my daughter at a Cap Hill School. The principal has an incentive to brush things under the rug, as they are judged on rubrics that include school environment and safety. This makes bad leaders deny, instead of reply. In our case, the classroom teacher was told that she was not allowed to speak to parents. The teacher ended up quitting. We had to sue DCPS to get our daughter transferred to another school. We ended up moving our daughter to Ludlow Taylor, which was just fine. Pull your kid now, before they develop a bad attitude about school in general. Go above the teacher's head. Tell your council member. You can sue in superior court if need be, it got us some satisfaction and did not cost much.

Glad you got a good resolution. You should know that teachers and principals can't talk to you about individual students because their privacy is protected under FERPA. They CAN tell you about incidents involving your child. They can also tell you more generally about supports in the classroom. I can say, based on my experience of this (from the other side) that if the principal and teacher do not IMMEDIATELY put into place some evidence-based, supportive measures (which they ought to be able to tell you about, because they will involve full-classroom management, and not the individual student) then things are likely not going to change. OTOH if a parent is not able to deal at all with a few conflicts along the way with other kids (especially in PK), then public school may not be the right choice.

Wow, no one here is talking about a few mere conflicts. We're talking about serious abuse.